Guif LS Company ® "GIVE !IE A RING SO.JETIME" CHARLES/BURROWS/CHARLES PRODUCTIONS

" "Give e A Ring Sometinme” #60591-001 Written 3y Glan and Les Crarles Created and Developed By James Burrows Glen Charles Les Charles Seturn to Script Derartment SARANOUNT PICTURES COPPORATION DRATT 5555 Avenue . . California 50038 Acril 15,

“CHEERS" "Give Me A Ring Scmetime” MALONE. TZD CHAMEBERS . .. SHELLZY COACH ERNIZ PANTUSSO..... «... NICK COLASANTO CARLA ... RHEA PERLMAN MRS. LITTLEFIELD....... MARGARET JOHN SLOAN.......... ... MICHAEL McGUIRZ . GEORGE RON. ... RON FRAZIER BILL WILEY ... JOHN P. N&AVIN NURSZE . .. ELSA PAVEN INT. EBAR

"CHEERS" "Give Me A Ring Sometime" TZASER FADE IN: INT. SAR - EARLY AFTERNOON CHEERS: A BAR IN BOSTON, SOMEWHERE IN TOWN NEAR THE COMMON: ATTRACTIVE, FRIENDLY TRADITIONAL DECOR, WITH A SPORTS ORIENTATION -- PHOTOGRAPHS AND MEMENTOS HERE AND THERE. THE BAR IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS 3SUT MO CUSTOMERS OR BARTENDER ARE IN SIGHT. SAM MALONE ENTERS FROM THZ BACK ROOM CARRYING A 30X OF GLASSES, WHICH STARTS TO UNPACKX. HE'S IN THIRTIES WITH THZ BODY OF AN EX-ATHLETE. A YOUNG TZENAGE 30Y ENTERS, AND SITS DOWN AT THE BAR. EE'S DRESSED IN A SUIT, TRYING TO LOOK AS OLD AS POSSIBLE. 30Y (SQUZAKY) How about a beer, Chilef? SAM How about an I.D.? B0Y An I.D.? That's very flatterinsg. Wait I tell the missus. HE BANDS SAM A CARD.

REV: 4/19/82 k) (IEASEfii SAM Ah, I.D. Sergezant Walter Keller, Born 1044, Makes you 38. Must have fough: in Vietnam. BOY Yeah. What was that lika? 30Y It was gross. SAM Thzt's what thev say. War is gross. BOY You're lucky you missed Lit. How about beer? SAM (HANDING BACK THE CARD) Sorry, BOY This is the thanks we get CUT TO: MAIN TITLE

REV: 4 l9/82 ACT ONE A INT. BAR - A FEW MINUTES LATER SkM GOES INTO THE BACX ROOM. THE BOY STARTS OUT. CIANE CHAMBERS AND SLOAN ENTER, CAPRYING SUITCASES. SHEZ 'S IN HER TWENTIES AND PPETTY. BZ'S FORTY-ISE, DISTINCUISRHEC, PROFESSORIAL. DIANE This is cra2zy, Sumner. SUMNER Diane, we're about be marriasd. THE PRUSES, CCMZIS EACK IN. BOY Getting Hey, congratulaticns: HE SERKES SUMNER'S HAND, RERCHES UP TO KIS3S DIANE, WHO LOGQKS AT HIM {MORE)

RZV: 3/21/8¢ You're a real cute couple. BHow about . we all have a drink together to celebrate. SUMNER I think not. BOY I give it six months. BOY EXITS. SUMNER Perhaps we won't have children right away. Diane, if we're going to be married, I insist you have my grandmother's antique gold wedding ring. DIANE Sumner, I'm the luckiest woman on earth. But you said it's on your ex-wife's finger. I don't need the ring. You're enough for me.

REV: 4/19/82 True. Eut symbols are Just let me call her and see she's (LOCKS Ah, the phona's back here. (CROSSZS TO HALLWAY) As lonz as we're here let's celabrace with some champagne. Tress tras brut, pleasa. HE EXITS DCWN THE HALLWAY THE BAR PHONE STARTS TO RING. JUaT AS SAM FROM THE BACK 'O&%.c HE'S EATING A ’KNEWI'H—THU_"I'—NOUTH IS FULL. . DIANE (INTO Hells? Sam? (SEES SAM) Are vcu Sam? SAM UNAELE TO TALZ THROUGZ HIS FCCD. (CONT'D) (INTO PHONE) Yas, he's here. One (TO SAM) scmeone named Vickie. PHCNEZ TO HIM) SAM SHAKES HIS HEAD VEHEMENTLY AND HOLCS UP HIS HANDS. DIANZ (CONT'D) She knows you're here. I told her gou're here SAM POINTS AT HIMSELF, AT THE DOOR, MAKES WALKING GESTURE WITH TWO FINGERS. DIANZ (CONT'D) Now lcok... SAM MAXES & EEGGING CESTURE WITH CLASPED

FX7: 4/13/82 DIANE (CONT'D) (INTO I was wrong. stepped cut. Where? Uh... gon= to... SAE LOOKS AT SAM PANTOMIMES CUTTING HIS USING FPINGZRS AS SCISSORS, TEEZ OTEZR HAND AS A COMB. DIANEZ TRIZS TO PIGURE IT OUT. DIANE (CONT'D) (INTO PEONE) Ze's gone to mize class. SAM SERUGS AS TO SAY DIANE (CONT'D) (INTO PHONE) Yes, I'1l take a aessage... Tou're welcome. SEZ EANGS U?. SAM HAS HIS HE LCOKS AT SaM Weall? DIANE (VZAY UNCOMPORTABLY) You're a magnificent pagan beast. SAM Tranks. What was the nessags? DIANZ That was the zessage. Listen I like doing that. SAM If I own :h‘.s\pla:e, I'd fire ze on the spet. Tell you what, for lying for me, I'll bdbuy your first drink.

REV: 4/19 82 DIANE £'d like a bottls cf your test champagne. It wasn't that grezat a lie, DIANE No, no, we'll for it. SAM GITS OUT A BCTTLE CHAMPAGNZ AS SUMNER SUMNER We're on our way to get Oh, married? Then it is on xe. (TC DIANZ) Gocd news. Bartara is andé she said I coulld cver. D 4 ANZ Would you like me to go with vou? SUMNER No, it could get a trifls sticky. Besides, if she saw the dazzling beauty who Ls =2 succeed her, it would br=2k heart all cvers again. DIANZ Oh, I'm not that beautiful. SUMNER Blasphemy!

—— REV: 4/21/82 SAM So, where's the ceremony going to be? DIANEZ We're going to be married tomorrow in Barbados. SAM Hey, nice. SUMNER I'm Dr. Sumner Sloan, professor of World Literature at B.U. DIANZ He has an article in the current Earpers. . —j SUMNZR Diane's been my teaching assistant for almost two years. Today I was sitting in my office with Diane. I looked up from my Proust. She had her nose in her Yeats. And I said to myself be crazy to let this woman get out of my life. So right theres on the spot I said let's get (AJ

DIANZ (ADORINGLY) What he actually was... (LOOKING AT '"Come with me aznd be my lcve and we will some new pleasures prove." (TO SAM) That's Donna. SAM I hope so. SUMNER No, John Donne, the poet. An. It's lovely. SUMN (W} R Listen, I must dash. I'll be back in ten minutes. (TO SAM) Excuse me, what's your name? SAM Sam. SUMNER Listen, Sam old man, I have an errand to run. Diane is going to stay here. I'd appreciate it Lf you'd an eye on her. SAM For you, Sumner cld man, I'll keep both eves on her.

4/21/82 : am I you see a woman you were love f@-{uvf: SUMNER . Hey, I'm leaving you alone in a bar. 2. (TO sAM) Which one of us 1s the S S e S e T Sam? SAM Too close to call. SUMNER - In any case, you sit over here at bar and chat with Sam gone., I'll be back before you know it with your wedding ring. HE MOVES HER AND THE CHAMPAGNE TO THE BAR, KISSES HER AG. IN, AND EXITS. SAM AND DIANE ARE ALONE. THERE IS A MOMENT OF SILENCE. SAM Quite a fella, that filance of yours. DIANE Listen, you don't have to make conversation with me. Nothing personal but I'm not in the habit of talking to bartenders.’ SAM : . Hey, I know how you feel. One's trying to move into my neighborhood.

. RTV: Please. - SAM GESTURES OKAY. THE COACH, ERNIE PANTUSSO, ENTERS. HE'S IN HIS PIPTIES, STGCKY, WELL-KEPT. - COACH You call that a2 football team? SAM - . What 's COACH What's wrong? The Patriots did R again. This may be draft yet. (TURNS TO DIANE) They have a first round pick and what do they get? A Jack rabbit for the backfleld? No. gunslinger at quarterback? They choose a. linebacker. A linebacker. ) SAM I don't know, Coach. I've seen a linebacker turn a team around. COACH THE COACH GOES BEHIND THE BAR AND PREPARES TO START WORK. COACH (CONT'D) (TO DIANE) BH4, there. DIANE Hello.

REV: 4/19/82 COACH. (NCTICING SUITCASE) I hope robcdy told you the bus goes by here. SAM [1] 1) No, Coach, she's sitting while her... DIANZ (CUTTTIG EIM OF?) I hate to keep asking fcr special attention but would you not discuss my private life with everyone who walks ia? SAM What do you want ne to tell DIANE I cden't care what you tall (TO COACH) She's a hocker. COACH Oh. (WALXS aAWAY) DIANZ Thanks. SAM Pon't mention (LOOXING CUT THE WINDCW., THEN AT WATCE! Ch 0 t. What's wrong? w

REV: 4/19/862 (4l COACH SAM Oh okh. CARLA TORTELLI ENTERS, ANGRY. LATE TWENTIES, SMALL, DARK, ITALIAN. TH=Z WAITRESS. CARLA Okay, I'm late. My kid was throwing up all over the place. You den't buy that excuse, I'm 'cause den't work for a man whno has no ccapassicn for chtldren. And it doesn't look like you're sxactly I'm usually You don't like it 't 2 5 fine, 'cause this a Jjob to begin witk. gonna change. CARLA EXITS TC THEZ SaM Do yeu think I wWwas too hard on her? CARLA RE-ENTERS, TYING HER ARLA Ei, COACE Patriots finally gct the linebacker they needed, hkuh, Clarla?

CARL: What are you, nuts? They're up to thelr ears in linebackers. COACH B0y, that's true. They've got a lot of linebackers over there. CARLA LCCKS AT DIANZ'S SUITCASES. - CARLA I love to see a woman who's not afraid to take her luggzage out for a drink. SAM She doesn't want to be bothered, Carla. CARLA Tell her nibs I'm sorry. CARLA STARTS TO SZT UP EER STATION. NORM EZNTERS, A MIDDLZ-AGED CUSTOMER. NORM Afternoon, everybody. CARLA Hi, Norm. SAM Whata ya know, Norm? (SITTING DOWN AT T=Z BAR) ' Not enough. How about a beer, Say, Coach, what do you think of the Patriots!' draft? 13. (A}

REV: 4/15/E2 COACH Duzz, Norm. They need linebackers like I need antlers. NORM I say that new linebacker is going to put 'em 13 the Super Sowl. CCACE Tezh, he'll that. Cee, oy head hurts 21l of 2 sudden. The Sox lost again today. sure could've used ycu cominz out cf the pen, Sam. SAM Not the shape I'm in, Norm. NORM (TO DIANE) Yo, Miss! (BANGS ZAR RAIL WITE MUG) Wouldn't you love to see Sam there flinging the olid horse hide again? DIANZE Doing what? NOPM Don't you who this He used to one of the best pitchers in Samusl "Mayday" Malcne. (ROINTING TO A PHOTOCRAFH OF A YCUNC EASEEALL PLAYER) That's Sam in his prime. be b,

PEV: 4/21/82 COACH I coached this man in double-A in Pawtucket and on the Red Sox, and I'm here ta tell you he's the best short reliever ever to play the game. SAM Take it easy, Coach. CARLA (TO DIANE) Sam once struck out Cash, Kaline and Freehan with the tying run on second. DIANE Oh. CARLA How long is the wimp convention in town? SAM Carla, heel.

REV: 4/21/82 DIANE (TO SAM) 1If you were so good, why aren't you still playing? SaM I developed an elbow problem. I bent it too much. (HE DEMONSTRATES) DIANE You were a drunk? COACH He was a great drunk, too. Anything that boy does he does well. SAM I wasn't a great drunk. was a good drunk. DIANE Are you drunk now? SAM No, no. I haven't touched a crop in three years. NORM (TOASTING SAM WITH HIS BEZR) I'm you licked it, Sam. Must've been hell. (TAKES A DRINK) DIANE Why do you own a bar? SAM I bought it when I was a drunk, and hung.on to it fcr sentimental reasons.

EV: 4/21/82 TWO MEZM ENTER AND GO TO A TABLE. CARLA GOES OVER AND TAKZS THZIR ORDER. OTHER CUSTOMERS ENTER THROUGH THE RZST OF SCENE. NORM Sam, I'm gcnna have one more and call i1t a day. A NURSZ ENTEZRS PUSHING AN ELDERLY LADY IN A WITH MRS. SHE WAVES AT THEM ALL. THE NURSE LOWERS THE WHZELCHAIR DCWN THEZ STEPS. MRS, LITTLEFIZLD Easy, you're shaking my Jowls. (U] WHEELS HER TO A TABLE. MRS. (CONT'D) How are you gentlemen? NURSZE see you in a couple of hours. Unless you die. MRS. LITTLEFIZLD I'll do wheelies on your grave. THE NURSE GIVES HIR A LOOK AND THEN EXITS. SAM POURS MRS, LITTLEFIZ A DRINX. MRS. (CONT'D) How you doing, Sam? SAM I'm real good, Mrs. Littlefield. How are you?

REV: §/21/82 MRS. LITTLEFIZLD .. . I was okay until T read the papers " this morning. Latin America &8 . . | weighing on my mind. It's overrun . with SAM B e T T e S T It's hard to know what to do about :Latin America. MRS. LITTLEPIELD I know what:ESMEE.—”Somé_sfiggr;- serapes off. . . e COACH I heard on the "Today" show Latin America's a trouble apot. MRS. LITTLEFIZLD The "Today” show's a trouble spot. It's the pinkest show on television. COACH Comes in okay con my set. CARLA COM=S BACK. CARLA Beefeater martini up with a twist. Plymouth martini, rocks, olive. And a Bass Ale. THE COACH STARTS TO FPILL THE ORDER.

4/21/82 JERYCNE MRS. LITTLETIZLD (NOTICES DIANE'S SUITCASES) Geing somewhere? DIANE MRS. LIT&LEFIELD Avoid nations whose leaders have hair on their faces. saM Abraham Lincola had a beard. MRS. LITTLEFIELD Need say more? NORM Yo, Miss! What're you reading, a book? LOOXS AT DIANE. DIANE LOOKS AHEAD. MRS. LITTLEFIELD (TO DIANE) You're not real chatty, are you? DIANE (TO COACH) Wwhere's your bathroom? COACE Right next to my becdroom. 18. (R)

REV: 4/21/82 OMIT

REV: 4/21/82 SAM Down the hall. GETS UP AND EXITS INTO THZ LADIZS ROOM. MRS. LITTLEFIELD Check that suitcase for plastic explosives. CARLA __(TO saM) What's Goldilocks' story? SAM Forget 1t, CARLA Come on, San. NORM Why can't you tell us? COACH Okay, Sam's kinda shy about this sort of thing so I'll f111 you in. She's a SAM She's not a hooker. COACHE Well, no, she's not a2 hooker in the traditional sense. SAM She's not a hookezr at all.

REV: 4/21/82 COACH Finest young lady I ever met. Boy, my head's throbbing. (PUTS ICE ON HEAD) . SAM Look, she ddesn't want to be bothered. - (LOWERS VOICE) She's waiting for her they're to the Caribbean to get married. Okay? DIANE EVERYONE BUT SAM AND CARLA CHEERS FOR HER. 34AKES HER HAND. DIANE GLARES AT HIM. SAM (CONT'D (SHRUGS) They missed you. DIANE SITS DOWN AT THE BAR, LOOKS AT HER WATCH, CASTS A WORRIED LOOK AT THE DOOR AND SiGES. END OF ACT ONE FADE OUT.

RZV: 4/21/82 ACT TWO —— -y FADE IN: INT. BAR - AN HOUR LATER IT'S EARLY EVENING. THE BAR IS PRETTY WZLL FILLED. NOEM IS STILL AT THEE 3AR A MRS. LITTLEFIZLD IS STILL THERZ. DIANE IS STILL AT THE BAR. COACE Another cne, Norm? NORM Well... okay, Just one more, CARLA COMES OVZR WITH AN ORDZA. CARLA (TO DIANZ) Ee's not back yet? DIANE No. CARLA Why den't you mz2ke 2 run for 1t? DIANZ You're 2 bitter little person, aren't you? ~ e

REV: 4/21/82 CAZLA I have a right to be. husband left me with four kids. DIANE Four kids? CARIA Yeah, and after I paid his way through school hustling drinks. (TAKES DRINK TO,. MRS. LITTLEFIELD) Here you go, Mrss. MRS. LITTLEFIZLD Thank you, dear. DIANE What school did he go to? CARLA Colletti Academy of TV Repair. The minute he graduated he left me. Said I wouldn't in with the other repairmen's wives. Big shot. DIANE He sounds likes a cur. CARLA Well, he isn't all bad. He still fixes my set and only bills me for parts. L. ~n Ulw

R=V: 4./'21/32 - U e e Rl PHONE RINGS. : NORM If it's oy Mrs., I'nm On after one more. THE COACH ANSWERS THE PHONE. COACH (INTO Cheers. ... Just a - sec. (TO BAR) Is there an Ernie Pantusso here? SAM That's you, Coach. COACE (INTO PHONE) Speaking. CARLA RETURNS TO THE BAR. CARLA Two drafts and a scotch on the rocks. Thers's a group over there arguing about the sweatiest movie ever NORM The what? . T

REV: 4/21/82 ~N) wwn CARLA What movie did people sweat the most in. NORM - CLIFP .. ‘ Not even close. Reat". Sweat . . RON The boys that galley like pigs. NORM "Alien". That's the one. Buckets. DIANE . This is the night before wedding and I'm in the middle of a sweat contest. CLIFF Here's a little known fact. Wonmen have fewer sweat glands than zen, but they're largsr and more actlve. " COACE (SHAXING HIS EZAD) The hucan body. CLIFF Consequently, they swezt meore than us. NORM

REV: 4/21/82 25. Sure. (TO DIANE) What's your perspiration pattern, miss? SUMNER EZNTERS AND COMES OVER TO DIANE. DIANE (CONT'D) (VERY RELIEVED) Oh, Sumner, it's so good to see you. I've“b;eh sitting here listening to these men argue abcut the sweatiest movie ever made. SUMNER (CALLING OUT TO THE GROUP) "Cool Eand Luke."| DIANE Sumner, have you been?...You said ten minutes. SUMNER Diane, that woman is extraordinary. DIANE Did she give you the ring, Sumner?

& P 27. . SUMNER (CONT'D) ... . - .. I couldn't take it. She offered her - " hand to me, Diane. She sald, "Sumner, - you put it on my finger, you taxe off.” Have you ever heare anything more vulnerable? G R e DIANE ~Come on, we have a plane toJ catch. SUMNER Diane, I love you, dbut I Barbara ]l.s._ = stirsed inside me. DIANE Well, come on. He'li talk about it on the flight to Barbados. SUMNER T can't fly to Barbados when I'm this confused. DIANE It's okay, Summer, the pilot knows the way. SUMNER Dizne, I love your wit. TYou'rs a2 child. A beautiful, chilad.

4/21/81._._; DIANE go to Barbados. . Let's go to Barbados. TIE RINGS. CARLA Who isn't here? MOST OF GUYS RAISE THEIR HANDS. NORM I Just left. { CARLA NCODS AND ANSWERS THE PHONE. CARLA (INTO PHONE) Cheers. ... Just a SUMNER) If not, I apologize, but your rname Sumner Sloan? SUMNZR Yes it 1s. CARLA HANDS EIM PHONE. SUMNEZR (CONT'D) (INTO PEONE) FHello. ... No, 1t's 211 right. She understands and I understand. ... Oh, that's very human of you. I'll be right over. (STARTS TO HANG UP AND PULLS RECEIVER BACK) And Barbara... your depth frightens me. (3)

RIV: 4/21/82 SUMNER (CONT'D) (TO DIANE) She insists that you have the ring. DIANE Sumner, we won't have time to make the plane. SUMNER Let's do this. Yéu call a2nd get us on a later flight. next one's going to take Barbados away from us. MRS. LITTLEFIZLD Ever heard of the Kremlin? SUMNER I'll go now and get the ring from Barbara. (HE STARTS OUT) DIANE Sumnex... SUMNER what? DIANE How about a kiss? SUMNER Maybe. play it by ear.

REV: SUMNER EXITS. DIANE STANCS THEPZ LCCKING AFTER HIM. BEHINC HER EACK THE BAR 1S NCW HUSHED AND EVEFYCNE IS LCOKING AT HER. SHE TURNS AND LOGKS AT THEM AND THEY IMMEDIATELY LAPSZ INTO AND BAR ACTIVITY. GOES TQO TZZ 3AR. DIANZE (TO SAM) I want a drink. SAM . You've harzdly champagne. DIANE No, I want sometiaing with a kick in it. SaM You sure? N DIANZ Yes, I'm suce. SaM Qkay. HZ ?UTS A GLASS WITE ICZ IN IT ON TEZ 3AZ2. HE POURS JTICI IN IT. =Z TO GZT A 30TTLZ, SEE TAKZS THZ GLASS AND CHUGS IT. & SHOCK TEROUGHE HER SYSTEM. GASPS, POUNDS TEZ BAR WITH HEF. HAND. DIANZ (GETTING HER BACX) What was that? - n (HOLDING VOCKX BCTTLE) Lime juice. DIRNZ (FUTS OUT HER GLAS3) Hit me again. D1SSOLVE TO: 36. (B)

REV: 4/1% g2 FADZ IXN: INT. EAF THE BAR 1S ALMOST EMPTY. THE n - JUST CLCSING TIME CARIA Cheer up, cockie. BHe may have been an DIANE He'll pe here. I tzust hin. CARLA Yean, suce. ENTER.S FROM THZ BACK POCM. COACE Hey, Sam, I'm takicc off. Hcenme to my book. NORM IS PASSZD CUT HZ'S EEEN SITTING ALL NIGET. DIANZ IS WEERE SHEI'S BEEN XLL NIGEHT.

— NORM WAKZS UP. THZ COACH HELPS COACH HILPS NOPM INDIAN AND GOES REV: 4/21/82 SAM Still working on that novel, huh, Coach? COACH Yeah, it's going on six years now and I think I may finish it tonighet. DIANE You're writing a novel? COACH No, reading one. SAM Just a second, Coach. Hey, Norm. NORM One more, then I gotta fly. SAM No, Norm, no more. I'm gonna send you home with the Coach. NORM TO HIS FEET. COACH Come on, Norm, let's get out of here. NORM You bet, Coach. We'll stop somewhere and I'll buy you a TO THE DOOR. HE LZANS NORM ON THE TGO DIANE.

REV: 4/21/82 QOACH Diane, I'm going home now. you and the Professor have a real happy marriage. DIANE Thank you, Coach. COACH Please, call me Coach.’ DIANE I just dié. COACE I know, I liked it. NORM Hey, Sam. Eow about one for me and my friend? (POINTS TO THE INDIAN) COACH CROSSES TO THE DOOR. COACE Let's go, Norm. NORM Say, Coach, who's driving? SAM AND COACH EXIT. RON CROSSEZS TO THE DOOR.

REV: 8/20/82* ’ 34. RON Goodnight, Sam. Thank you for letting me bend your ear. SAM That's okay, Ron. See you later. RON EXITS. SAM AND DIANE ARE ALONE AT THIS END OF THE ROOM. DIANE STARES GLOOMILY INTO HER GLASS. SAM NOTICES. SaM (AFTER A MOMENT'S THOUGHT) You know something? We get a lot of nice lookin' ladies in here, and you're right up there. I don't think you need to worry about your future. You're gcnna do a lot better for yourself than that goofy professor. 1In fact, I'd say... CIANE (INTERRUPTING) What are you doing? SaM Just trying to cheer you up a little. DIANE I'm a woman on her way to get married to a man who's the catch of the Rcmantic Literature Department. Why would I need to be cheered up by a man who's tool of the trade is a bar rag?

REV: 8/20/82* 35. (C) SAM‘ Sorry. My mistake. Somewhere I got the crazy idea ycu were unhappy. (GOES BACK TO HIS BUSINESS) DIANE (AFTER A BEAT) You don't like Sumner? SAM Can I answer? DIANE " Of course. SAM I don't like Sumner. DIANE Do ycu know why you don't like him? SAM I told you, he's goofy.

REV: 8/20/82* . 36. - (C) DIANE No, because he's well-bred, he's highly educated, he's distinguished, he's urbane...He's everything you aren't. SaM And I've worked hard to avoid it, thank you. DIANE (GROWING VERY EMOTIONAL) Now look here. Sumner may have his flaws -- SAM (INTERRUPTING) 3ut what goof doesn't? DIANE Sumner may have his flaws, but he's too beautiful a man to be discussed in a bar like some stupid linebacker for the Patriots. SAM (ANGRILY) Don't ever call a linebacker for the Patriots stupid in my bar.

REV: 8/20/82 How ebout if I call you stupid in your bar? SAM I take back everything I said. You and the goof were made for each other. DIANE That goof will be on the cover of Saturday someday. SAM He'll be in Barbados tomorrow rubbing’ suntan oil orn his ex-wife. DIANE I've had a very rough day. I'm now going to reward myself by getting out of here. when Sumner comes, tell him I've gone horme. SAM Fine. SHE STOMPS OUT. SHE COMES BACK IN. 37. (c)

o~ 37a REV: 8/20/8 . /20/82 DIANE We're not going to make our flight. I'l1l change the reservations again. SAM Use this EE PUTS THEE PHONE ON THE BAR. DIANE DIALS. SHZ DIANE (INTO QSONZ) I1'd like to change the reservations for Mr. and Mrs. Sumner Sloan, Flight 481 to Barbados. ... . They did? Are you sure?..Thank you very much. HANGS UP. SHE STANDS THERE A MOMENT, THEN BEGINS TO CRY. SAM I'm sorry. DIANE How did you know ? SAM Call it bartender's intuition. DIANE what a shame such an astute observer of human nature is stuck behind a barc.

REV: 8/20/82* 37b. SAM That's what I think. THREE VERY WELL-DRESSED COUPLES COME IN AND SIT DOWN. DIANE (DRYING HER EYES) I'm not gonna let this get me down. I'm young, I'm £full of life, I'm right up there. I'm gonna do a lot better for myself than that goofy professor. Tomorrow I'll pick myself up off the floor ané go out and find myself a new position. There. That's settled. SaM Something tells me I'm gonna regret this, but you could work here. DIANE What? (LAUGHS)

- REV: 8/20/82 37c. (c) CARLA COMES OVER WITH THE ORDER. SAM (TO DIANE) Shut up a second. CARLA I need two vodka gimlets, one straight N up, one blended rocks, Chivas rocks, soda, a Comfort Manhattan, hold the cherry, a white wine spritzer with & twist, one 01d-Bushmill Irish, decaf, hold the sugar. SAM ‘Coming up. _SAM STARTS TO DRINXS. SOME30DY ELSZ COMES IN, SITS A TABLE, AND CARLA GOES OVER. DIANE Tell me. What makes you think I would ever work in & place like this? SAM Simple. 7You can't go back to work for the Professor. TYou need a job; I need a waitress. Tou like the people here. You think they like you. And the phrase magnificent pagan beast has never left your mind. DIANE TO BUT CAN'T. SHE GRABS HER SUITCASE AND STARTS OUT AGAIN. SHE RIGHT 3ACK.

REV: 4/21/82 | 37a. DIANE You're right about this I do need a new position, and I'm going to find one, but it won't be waiting tables. SAM What aré you quaiified for? DIANE Nothing. But'I look at this as an opportunity me to evolve. An opportunity to £ind where Diane Charbers really belongs in the world. Somewhere there's a wonderful job that I'm perfect for...that for me. UP) I'll £ind it and I do I'll know it. (SfARTS ouT) SAM (CALLING TO CARLA) What was that order again? DIANE Two vodka gimlets, one straight up, one blended rocks, Chivas rocks, soda, a Comfort Manhattan, hold the cherry, (GROWING INCPREZASINGLY DEPRESSED) a (MORE)

REV: 8/20/82 DIANE (CONT'D) white wine spritzer with a twist, one Bushmill Irish, decaf, hold the sugar. DIANE BURIES HER FACE IN HEZR HANDS AND SHAKES HER HEAD. SAM Want a jJob? DIANE Yes. END OF ACT TWO FADE OUT. 37e.

"CHEERS" "Give Me A Ring Sometime" 60591-001 TAG FADE IN: INT. 3AR - DAY THE 3AR IS NEARLY EMPTY. OUR FOUR EMPLOYZES ARE IN THEIR PLACES. A NICELY-DRESSED COUPLE ENTERS THE FRONT DCOR AND LOOKS AROUND. DIANE LOOKS AT SAM. DIANE Wish me luck. SAM Luck. DIANE GOES TO THE COUPLE ON THE LANDING AND STEPS BETWEEN THEM TO ESCORT THEM TO A TABLE:

DIANE Hi, welcome to Cheers. name 1is Diane and I'll be your waitress. Right this way please. I might tell you, parenthetically, that you're the first people I've ever served. (SHE SEATS THEM AT A TABLE) In fact, if had told me a week ago I'd be this, I'd have thought them insane. When Sam over there offered me the job I lauched in his face. (SITTING NEXT TO THEM) But then it occurred to me, here I am, a student, not just in the academic sense, b&; a student of life. And what better place is there in which to study life in all its many facets than here? People meet in bars. They part, they rejoice, they suffer. And they come here to be with their kind. (SAM RINGS THE BELL BEHIND THE BAR. DIANE JUMPS UP) What'll it be? MALE CUSTOMER (CONSULTING A BERLITZ GUIDE; WITH HEAVY FOREIGN ACCENT) -Where is police? We have lost our luggage. THE END TAG FADE OUT.