EAST BOUND AND DOWN a pilot written by best.hill.mcbride draft.03 03.15.07

OPENING TITLE SEQUENCE: MONTAGE OF CLIPS FROM BOB COSTAS' "ON THE RECORD" EXT. BRAVES STADIUM. NIGHT KENNY POWERS(19), a young redneck with a long mullet stands on the pitcher's mound of a jam packed world series game. BOB COSTAS (V.0.) After a point shaving scandal left the Braves without a relief pitcher, game seven of the '97 - World Series hung in the hands of a 19 year old rookie. Kenny looks around, the bases are loaded, two strikes, two outs, bottom of the ninth. The LARGE BATTER (28), readies himself. Kenny takes a deep breath. Kenny gives it everything he's got...the ball flies past THE BATTER. THE UMPIRE signals strike. Kenny freaks out! KENNY FUCKING OUT!!! The Braves rush the field and hold Kenny over their heads. BOB COSTAS (V.0.) That night a legend was born. And his name was Kenny Powers. INT. PRESS CONFERENCE. DAY Kenny Powers signs with THE OWNERS of the Atlanta Braves. PRESS fills the room snapping pictures. EXT. BASEBALL FIELD. NIGHT Kenny Powers steps on the mound. Where he always had a mullet before, now he has it down to perfection. What would become his signature look, two lines shaved into each side and 100% fan mullet in the back. BOB COSTAS (V.O0.) Kenny Powers was immediately signed to a multi million dollar deal with the Atlanta Braves. A folk hero to many, Kenny Powers represented all that is great in baseball; qut, passion, and God given talent. Kenny throws the heat. FREEZE FRAME: This becomes a snap shot baseball card. { CONTTNUED)

CONTINUED: BOB COSTAS (V.0.) (CONT'D) He was unstoppable and Powers Fever was sweeping the country. EXT. MIDDLE SCHOOL. DAY A LARGE GROUP OF LITTLE KIDS look into the news camera. LITTLE KXIDS YOU'RE FUCKING OUT! EXT. BASEBALL STADIUM. DAY Fans sporting the Kenny Powers mullet and shaved lines fight for the attention of the camera. FANS YOU'RE FUCKING OUT! INT. BASEBALL STADIUM. DAY. Kenny Powers, wearing a Braves uniform, winds up and hurls a pitch. A COACH clocks it on his radar gun: 101 MPH. INT. NIGHTCLUB. NIGHT COMMERCIAL. Kenny Powers walks through a club wearing a sleek black duster. Ladies swarm around him. He holds a can of BODY SPRAY up to the camera. KENNY If you’re not taking care of yourself for the ladies - You're - BEEPIN- out. EXT. BASEBALL FIELD. NIGHT KENNY POWERS MUSIC VIDEO. Kenny, dressed in his black duster, sings a horrible country song. As the fiddles kick in, he starts rapping. KENNY I told my baby's momma there's no need to shout. Kenny P's fucking rich and, bitch...you're fucking out! INT. BOOKSTORE. DAY Kenny sits behind a desk signing copies of his book. He holds up a copy and addresses the camera. (CONTTNUED)

CONTINUED: KENNY If you get tired of reading boring books and let’s face it, that’s most of em, pick up a copy of my memoirs. “You’re fucking out. I'm fucking in: The Kenny Powers Story.” Now available in that audio book CD thing too. INT. RECORDING STUDIO. DAY CHARLTON HESTON reads from Kenny's book into a microphone. HESTON And it was then that I knew I needed to strike that mother fucker out. Send his ass back to the fucking rice field he came from. INT. CONVENTION CENTER. DAY Kenny is surrounded by crazy fans and beautiful women signing autograph after autograph. BOB COSTAS (V.O.) It seemed the whole world loved Kenny Powers, but perhaps no one loved him more than Kenny Powers himself. INT. CONFERENCE ROOM. DAY Kenny Powers sits behind a table. Press fill the room. KENNY I'm sick and tired of carrying the weight and the owners and coaches not giving me the things I need to win. Atlanta, you're fucking out. Kenny Powers is now a free agent. BOB COSTAS (V.O.) It wasn't the hair. It wasn't the slogan. It would be the foot in mouth disease that would become Kenny Power's new trademark. INT. BASEBALL STADIUM. DAY. Kenny Powers throws a fastball. The Speedometer drops significantly to: 97 MPH. EXT. PRESS CONFERENCE. DAY Kenny, miserable, being interviewed in a Yankees' Uniform. {

CONTINUED: REPORTER So, Kenny, how do you feel about playing for the Yankees? KENNY Yeah, I just love playing for the Jew York Yankees. INT. BASEBALL STADIUM. DAY. Kenny Powers throws another fastball. The Speedometer reading gets worse: 94 MPH. EXT. PRESS CONFERENCE. DAY Kenny, miserable, being interviewed in a Giants' Uniform. KENNY I thought the blacks in Baltimore were bad. They're nothing compared to these fags you got in San Francisco. INT. BASEBALL STADIUM. DAY. Kenny Powers throws the heat...sort of. The Speedometer reads: 90 MPH. The COACH shakes his head. Kenny screams and kicks dirt. Kenny winds up and angrily hurls another pitch. The Radar Gun reads: 91 MPH. EXT. BASEBALL FIELD. DAY Kenny Powers, now shredded with muscles wearing a Red Sox Jersey, gives an interview to a FEMALE REPORTER. - KENNY I said I'm not on fucking steroids! Powers takes a swing at the FEMALE REPORTER. She ducks to the ground and Kenny's teammates grab him. EXT. TRAINING FIELD. DAY Kenny pitches another fast ball. The Speedometer reads a pathetic: 85 MPH. BOB COSTAS Powers was loosing his heat. Bounced from one team to the next. A mere splinter of the mighty ball player he use to be.

INT. MARINERS' STADIUM. NIGHT Kenny stands on the mound wearing a Mariners' Jersey. He looks like shit, hung over, strung out, and apathetic. BOB COSTAS (V.0.) If the Gods have a sense of irony this would be their magnum opus. Kenny Powers was called in as a last minute replacement during the ninth inning to pitch against a then unknown rookie Chuck Mackworthy. Kenny had a chance to turn things around in much the same fashion as he started his career. Kenny Powers winds up and CHUCK MACKWORTHY cracks a home run. BOB COSTAS (CONT'D) But it wasn't meant to be. Chuck Mackworthy would become the hero of that game 7. ) Kenny drops his glove and walks off. The fans BOO and chant "YOU'RE FUCKING OUT!", he flicks them all off and exits. BOB COSTAS (V.C.) (CONT'D) That night Kenny Powers would walk off the field and into oblivion. His charmed run finally at its embarrassing conclusion. Kenny Powers, a man who once had it all, now left alone in a sea of nothingness. The sounds of fans dies out as we end on.... INT. CONFERENCE ROOM. DAY KENNY POWERS, now an out of shape washed up man, sits in a mini desk in a dingy room. His hair is messy and outgrown, the old shaved lines of victory long grown in. His clothes are plain blue, with no sense of flash, almost like a prison uniform. In fact, he could be in prison. In front of him sits a packet. At the head of the room stands an ADMINISTRATOR (50) going over all the info in an authoritative voice while Kenny and the OTHERS listen. ADMINISTRATOR Write your name in the top right corner, followed by birth date and social security number with the provided #2 pencil. (MORE) {CONTTNITED Y

CONTINUED: ADMINISTRATOR (CONT'D) Fill out the form completely, do not, I repeat, do not skip any lines. Place your packet in front of the desk for us to pick up. And welcome to the Shelby County school system and to your new exciting career as a substitute teacher. Kenny stares at a lame poster reading "TEACHER'S PET" with a kitten sleeping next to an apple. This ain't prison but it might as well be. EXT. OFFICE PARKING LOT. DAY Kenny exits the building, he throws on some shades and makes his way toward his truck, which is towing a jet ski. Just as he crosses the parking lot-- DUDE Kenny Powers?! Holy shit! Kenny keeps walking without saying a word. DUDE (CONT'D) I'm Mark Shank. You banged my step sister back in tenth grade. Man, I can't believe it's really you! What are you doing back here? ) KENNY (rubbing his arm) Just taking a break, doing a little rehab on my shoulder, and of course, gettin my drink on. Dude notices the employee handbook in his hands. DUDE What is that? You don't work here do you? Kenny tucks the handbook away. KENNY Nah, fuck that. Administrator steps out and waves. ADMINISTRATOR See you Monday, Kenny. KENNY Just temporary. DUDE Jesus Christ! A job here?! Are you kidding me?! Doing what? { CONTTNIIED)

CONTINUED: KENNY Subbing gym at the middle school- DUDE Fuck you! Kenny fucking Powers teaching fucking gym! How does this even happen, man? You were the fucking king! I mean really, what in the fu-- Kenny punches Dude right in the face. Dude drops. Kenny gets into his truck and drives on out. TITLE CARD: EAST BOUND AND DOWN MONTAGE OF SHOTS: Kenny driving through Shelby. He chugs a beer as he drives through small town life, BOJANGLES, CIRCLE Ks, and country. God's country. He chucks his empties out the window, littering. INT. DINING ROOM/POWERS HOUSE. NIGHT Kenny sits around the dinner table with his Brother DUSTIN (31), his wife CASSIE (30) and their three kids, WAYNE (12), DUSTIN JR. (6), and ROSE (4 MONTHS). WAYNE is finishing up a prayer; everyone's eyes are closed, except for Kenny's. He looks around with his head bowed. Dustin Jr. opens his eyes too and spots Kenny. Kenny shuts his eyes quick, as if they've been shut the whole time. WAYNE ...and thank you for letting me make good grades on my French test, and for my family, and I hope you kill Al Qaeda, and thanks for making me make cross country and Brandon Wilcox not making it. CASSIE Wayne, we don't pray against things like that. Ask for forgiveness and say Amen. WAYNE Forgiveness. In Jesus' name, amen. KENNY Amen! Dustin looks over at his brother and laughs. DUSTIN Good to have you here, Kenny. {

CONTINUED: KENNY Remember them joke prayers we use to say as kids. Cassie shoots a look to Dustin. KENNY (CONT'D) It ain't nothing bad. Rub a dub dub thanks for the grub. That kind of stuff. The kids laugh. KENNY (CONT'D) You like that? Here's another one. Lord I pray, while I sit, give me the strength to eat this shit. The kids crack up. KENNY (CONT'D) See they like it. It's funny to make jokes to God. Cassie tries to change the subject. CASSIE Did you get the Christmas cards we sent you last year? KENNY Probably. I get a shit load of fan mail. Did you guys get the tanning bed I sent you last year? CASSIE The one you sent three years ago? Yes. Its in the garage. KENNY Really? That long ago? Well it is a tanning bed. I got to tell you my mind is still blown that you got ‘three kids. I only remember you having the one. DUSTIN Yea, well we got three.. Kenny looks over the kids and to the baby. KENNY Three handsome young men. The Powers way. Cassie clears her throat, irritated. {CONTTNUED)

CONTINUED: (2) . DUSTIN The littlest one is a girl. CASSIE Her name is Rose. Named after Kate Winslet in Titanic. DUSTIN That's Cassie's favorite movie. KENNY You gotta be shitting me. EXT. FRONT PORCH/POWERS' HOUSE. NIGHT Kenny and Dustin sit on front porch sharing a dip cup. DUSTIN Shane Smith is married. He goes to the same church as us. I played golf with Terry the other day. Oh, and did you hear about Bryant he got his face burnt off in that motorcycle accident. KENNY I heard about that. DUSTIN Yea, he's a dumb ass though. 2And, Clegg, he's the bartender at Sha- Booms ! KENNY Shit, I need to get over there and see him. DUSTIN If you do, tell him to go fuck himself. And tell him thanks a lot for leaving me high and dry on that sheet rock job last month. And tell him I think he's a piece of shit. KENNY Will do. How is work going? DUSTIN The remodeling stuff is doing pretty good, but man, I'm finding that the real money is in sun rooms. I basically have a corner on the market here. (MORE) { CONTTNITED)

10. CONTINUED: DUSTIN (CONT'D) ' Pretty much if you're living in Shelby and you want an affordable, stylish way to add square footage to your home you're calling me. KENNY Big time, huh? DUSTIN I mean it ain't baseball money but it's keeping me month's bills plus one. There's a long pause...neither with anything else to say. DUSTIN (CONT'D) So Kenny, we were just how long you were planning on, you know, staying here. _KENNY We? Dustin sighs. DUSTIN Look, it ain't like that, it's just- KENNY How many times I gotta say this, I got the IRS all up in my shit, I got to take a stupid job just so the government can garnish my fucking wages, goddamn Gatorade is still trying to get a piece of my ass, damn accountant got arrested and his jerk ass has all my pass codes. DUSTIN Sc what does that mean? KENNY It means that as soon as I get my cash flow going and get me some walking around money, I'll be fine. DUSTIN And how long is that gonna be? KENNY What? I gotta give you an exact goddamn date? Come on man, we're brothers. Suddenly Kenny jumps up. Wayne is sitting on his jet ski pretending to ride it. {

11. CONTINUED: (2) KENNY (CONT'D) Are you fucking stupid!? Get Down! Wayne jumps off the jet ski, scared shitless and runs away. DUSTIN Damnit Kenny you can't talk to my son that way! KENNY . I don't give a fuck, that jet ski ain't a goddamn toy! DUSTIN Yes it is! KENNY It's a goddamn Kawasaki 800SXR Superstock modified with a V8 and a custom made wetpipe. O to 70 in less than 3 seconds. It was hand painted by Jesse fuckin' James himself. This $45,000 toy costs more than your whole fuckin' house. DUSTIN ‘ No it doesn't. KENNY I'm just sayin. DUSTIN You know, if you're really strapped for cash, you could probably sell the Jet Ski. KENNY Like that's gonna happen. I don't tell you what to do with your money, don't tell me what to do with mine. Kenny crushes his beer can and drops it on the floor. KENNY (CONT'D) And can you please tell Cassie to pick up more than a case. I mean come on, man, you got a guest at home. INT. DEN/POWERS' HOUSE. NIGHT Kenny lays on the couch under a sheet with the lights off, staring at the ceiling. Upstairs the baby begins crying. Kenny turns to look at the small digital clock: 9:00pm. { CONTTNIEDY

12. CONTINUED: Kenny then begins softly crying to himself. A grown man weeping. His sobs synching with the baby's cries upstairs. INT. HALL - DAY APRIL BUCHANNON (31) fumbles with a stack of books. She's a gorgeous woman, full figured, and professional. She walks down the hall catching the eye of every male student she passes. They're all way too young but each of them knows what they'd like to do. Feeling their tiny stares she smiles and turns the corner. INT. SCHOOL OFFICE/FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. MORNING Kenny sits in a chair flipping through a HIGHLIGHTS magazine. SECRETARIES, PARENTS, and STUDENTS come in and out, the place is bustling, Kenny ignores it all until someone entering the office catches his eye...April walks into the room. KUBRICK STYLE ZOOM: on April, the picture of beauty. Kenny smiles to himself. The ZOOM continues until it finally stops on her ENORMOUS CHEST. KENNY April Buchanan! Get out of town! You work here?! April looks up and sees Kenny. APRIL Kenny Powers. I heard a horrible rumor that you were going to be working here. KENNY Rumors true. God you look good! Come here, you ding dong. Kenny gives April a hug. April hugs him back, but Kenny takes it too far. He just keeps on holding the embrace. KENNY (CONT'D) Man this feels familiar, huh? Just you in my arms. APRIL Same old Kenny, still pushing it. April pulls away, Kenny keeps his arms on her shoulders. KENNY You know me. And it looks like you ain't aged a goddamn day. Big Cannons in the house! {

CONTINUED: Kenny smiles big. KENNY (CONT'D) How crazy is this? High school sweethearts, first true loves. He winks at her. She leans in close... APRIL (she whispers to him) If you think I'd hook up with you after all this time then you've lost your fucking mind. She smiles to him. Kenny nods and wets his lips. KENNY (seductively) Maybe you've lost your fucking mind too. He puts a hand on her back. LAWRENCE CUTLER Kenny Powers in my school! 13. LAWRENCE CUTLER (35), the principal, comes striding up to Kenny and April. He's a confident and fit man who has a pleasant demeanor. LAWRENCE CUTLER (CONT'D) It's a true pleasure to meet you. I'm a huge fan. Lawrence Cutler, Principal. The two men shake hands, however, Kenny gives Cutler the left because his right hand rubs April's back. KENNY We were just talking about you. Saying how I couldn't wait to meet the boss man. Kenny winks at April, not secretive at all. LAWRENCE CUTLER When I heard you were subbing here, I almost lost my mind. KENNY Well good for you. LAWRENCE CUTLER I'm a little bit of a athlete myself. I've been training for a Triathlon. (MORE) {CONTTNUED)

CONTINUED: (2) LAWRENCE CUTLER (CONT'D) Running every morning, cycling, swimming. I'm sure you know how that is. KENNY Nah, man I play real sports. I ain't trying to be the best at exercising. Kenny smiles at April, cocky. LAWRENCE CUTLER This guy, hilarious. Well let's get that paperwork started and I'll show you where you're going to be working. KENNY Why don't you go ahead and get started? I'm gonna finish catching up with April. LAWRENCE CUTLER You know April? APRIL We went to high school together. KENNY We used to date. LAWRENCE CUTLER You used to date?! April you never told me you dated Kenny Powers! That is so cool. KENNY Yeah, it's too early to tell, but I think we're going to probably get something started again. LAWRENCE CUTLER God, you are hilarious. . APRIL Oh I didn't get a chance to tell you, Kenny, I'm engaged now. KENNY Engaged. Yeah right. Who are you engaged to? LAWRENCE CUTLER To me! 14. April holds up her hand revealing a nice engagement ring. She smiles. { CONTTNUED)

CONTINUED: (3) KENNY oh. Oh. Okay. 15. Kenny is still rubbing her back. Realizing it's weird he recoils. LAWRENCE CUTLER May 11th, save the date, because Kenny Powers is definitely coming to my wedding. You can throw out the first pitch! He slaps Kenny on the ass sportsman style. INT. LOCKER ROOM. DAY Kids run around horse playing and changing into their gym clothes as COACH BOOTH (60), a grizzly old PE teacher, gives Kenny the grand tour and pops some Vicodin. COACH BOOTH So that's where the balls are kept. The extra whistles are in the closet. And I already showed you the crank for the basketball goals. KENNY Sounds simple enough. Just one question, what exactly am I supposed to teach? COACH BOOTH Well, seeing as I'm only out until my back heals up, I would say that you don't have to do a whole lot. Just make 'em run a little, shoot some hoops, and get a decent workout in. Oh, and this is the most important thing. Make sure the kids shower after class. They're at that age where they're starting to sweat like men, but haven't learned the fine art of applying deodorant. The teachers will complain if you send them off to class stinking and believe me, some of them can really reek. Especially the niggers. KENNY Got it. INT. GYMNASIUM. DAY Kenny stands in front of a SIXTH GRADE GYM CLASS. { CONTTNIIEDY

CONTINUED: KENNY I'm Kenny Powers and I'll be your PE teacher while Coach Booth is away. I'm sure you all recognize me as a great baseball player. So, I'm sure you all have lots of questions for me, so at this time, I will take some of those. A FAT KID raises his hand. FAT KID Do we have to run the mile this year? KENNY Running's for fags. And who gives a shit about the goddamn mile anyway? The kids OHHHHHH in response to his language. KENNY (CONT'D) That's right I cussed. Your new teacher cusses so let's get used to it. Now aren't there any real questions out there? I'm a national celebrity, aren't you curious what that's all about? A SMARTASS KID raises his hand. KENNY (CONT'D) Yes, you. SMARTASS When you did steroids did they make your balls shrink? The class laughs loudly. KENNY No, to answer your gquestion, steroids did not make my balls shrink, but they did make my buddy's balls shrink. A man named Mark McGuire. Next question. UGLY Is it true you were in jail? KENNY Jail?! Hell no, rehab. UGLY KID Did you hurt .yourself? l6. { CONTTNIED)Y

CONTINUED: (2) KENNY No I didn't hurt myself. UGLY KID But Coach Booth says that after his back surgery, he has to go to rehab? KENNY Oh, yeah, I hurt myself. I hurt my nose. Kenny winks to the class. NERDY GIRL How did you hurt your nose? KENNY By shoving cocaine up it. Next question. A TIMID KID raises his hand. KENNY (CONT'D) Timid Kid. TIMID KID . My Mom says you are a sex addict. KENNY Is your Mom pretty? TIMID KID Yes, Sir. KENNY Tell her to call me...I'm just playing. Unless you think she'd do it. I'm kidding. No, I am not a sexaholic. Do I like the company of lady friends? Yes. Supermodels, movie stars, ‘farmer's daughters, I've fucked- Made love to them all. You ever heard the term A True Cocksmith? TIMID KID No. KENNY Got time for one more. A BULLY kid raises his hand. KENNY (CONT'D) Go. 17. { CONTTNUED)Y

CONTINUED: (3) BULLY My Dad says you ruined baseball. KENNY Your dad's a fuckin bitch. INT. CAFETERIA. DAY 18. Kenny gets his tray and exits the lunch line. The old first day of school blues. Not really sure where he should sit. He spots April and Cutler laughing it up with a handful of TEACHERS at the FACULTY TABLE. up a game face and moves in. CUTLER Mr. Powers! Come join us. I'm not sure if you've met everyone or not. An ANGRY BLACK TEACHER stands up. ANGRY BLACK TEACHER Yeah, I know this piece of shit. You still hate black people, Kenny?! KENNY No. Not really. ANGRY BLACK TEACHER You racist ass! Black Teacher gets up and leaves in a huff. CUTLER -Okay, so that was Mrs. Mahalik, she teaches civics. You already know Ms. Buchanon, Then we got Mr. Nesbitt who teaches Drama, Mrs. Jones who teaches English, and our band teacher, Mr. Janowski. STEVIE We know each other already too. KENNY We do? STEVIE Yea, Stevie, Stevie Janowski. We went to high school together. I was the drum major. KENNY What in the fuck is that? and sitting together He musters {

19. CONTINUED: All the teacher's take a breath, surprised at Kenny's unflinching use of the "f" bomb...a few look over their shoulders to see if kids heard. Kenny is clueless. STEVIE I lead the whole marching band. I made all those t-shirts when you went to state and got everybody to wear them at the pep rally. KENNY Nothing. Sorry. I've had a lot of memories in my life and sometimes the smaller ones get dumped to make room for the bigger ones. He looks over at April. KENNY (CONT'D) But sometimes when you try to dump the smaller ones you think they're gone but they're not. They're still there, ready to pick up where they left off. No matter if there are new memories standing in their way or not. Everyone just looks at him. Confused. APRIL I think I left some sculptures in the kiln. She kisses Cutler and walks away. Kenny watches her as she goes. Stevie moves closer to Kenny and pats him on the back. STEVIE Man, in high schoocl we would have never sat together at lunch. Look at us now! INT. HALL / POWERS' HOUSE. AFTERNOON Kenny comes out of the bathroom and sees Wayne in his bedroom mirror holding a HANDGUN. Kenny walks into the bedroom and snatches it out of Waynes's hand. KENNY Don't go through my shit. Kenny tucks the handgun into his pants and walks out. INT. DEN / POWERS' HOUSE. AFTERNOON Kenny slams a cold one. His feet kicked up on the coffee table watching TV while Cassie cleans up after the kids. {

20. CONTINUED: KENNY Cassie, let me ask you a question. Hypothetical. When you were engaged to get married to Dustin, if one of your old boyfriends asked you out, what would you have done? CASSIE Well I was pregnant when Dustin asked me to marry him so... KENNY Right, who's gonna want to touch that? Okay, so pretend you weren't preggers, you were just normal. What then? Cassie stops short at the comment but tries... CASSIE Well, Kenny, I would say no. I love Dustin and I know that with all my heart. I always have known that so it wouldn't have mattered if someone else asked me out. KENNY What if the guy who asked you out was really good looking? CASSIE Still no. KENNY He was famous. CASSIE Nope. KENNY Not even if he was ultra famous, amazing athlete, knew all about the big cities, your one true love, good sense of humor... A hunter. CASSIE None of that stuff matters if the person who your heart calls to at- KENNY Wait, shut up for a second. On the TV SCREEN is a wild locker room with several BASEBALL PLAYERS spraying champagne all over CHUCK MACKWORTHY, baseball's number one grand slammer and Kenny's arch nemesis. { CONTTNIIED)

21. CONTINUED: (2) CHUCK I just thank god every day that he has given me this gift. Sometimes when I get a good crack at one, I can feel the holy spirit moving inside me. Truly blessed. KENNY Kiss my ass! Kenny punches the remote control across the room. He takes one last swig of his beer -- crushes it. INT. SHA-BOOM'S SPORTS BAR. NIGHT Renny sits at a bar and from the look of the empty glasses and the half-cocked expression, he's been here for a bit. . Behind the bar, a burnt out Bartender, CLEGG (30), serves him up. . CLEGG Yeah man, that was basically college for me, just fuckin® tourin' with Widespread all across the USA and parts of Canada. World wide, dude. ® Never really got into them. CLEGG I'll burn you some shit man, just the choice nugs. Kenny nods to this. CLEGG (CONT'D) Man, at us. He holds his fist out for a pound. CLEGG (CONT'D) We got out there didn't we? The hell if we were gonna stay in this goddamn shit hole all our lives. KENNY You're goddamn right about that. CLEGG I mean who gives a shit if we're here now. For a while we were free and they can never take that away from us. Besides, we're still two young fistin' journeymen. - (MORE) { CONTTNURED)

22, CONTINUED: CLEGG (CONT'D) Lots of adventures to come. Like I just bought a new barbecue. KENNY Yeah? CLEGG Big time. You know shit's gonna get crazy this summer. I mean, I just can't wait to party. KENNY Oh yeah, I'm gonna recharge the shoulder and get drunk. BERNIE You gotta change the kegs, Clegg. BERNIE, an old beat up bag of smashed assholes, stands at the cash register reading an issue of HIGH TIMES. CLEGG (UNDER HIS BREATH) Fucking Bernie. (calling out) When you gonna let me book my music, Bernie? Clegg walks back to change the kegs and Kenny takes a long . pull on his beer. DRUNK WOMAN (O.S.) Mind if I take a dip? Kenny turns and finds a DRUNK WOMAN (35). Kind of hot and kind of dirty. Like she's spent a few sloppy nights in the back of a pick up. She seductively reaches into his skoal, grabs a pinch and puts it under her lip, right below a suspicious cold sore. DRUNK WOMAN (CONT'D) I know you. I've seen you on TV. She starts rubbing Kenny's leg. DRUNK WOMAN (CONT'D) It ain't too often we get stars in here. Something about stars that...oh how do I say it? Just get me all wet between the legs. You know what I mean? KENNY I think I got it.

23. CONTINUED: (2) CLEGG (0.S.) Oh hell no, Tracy, your drunk ass can't be in here- TRACY Fuck you, Clegg, I'm just talkin'. (winks at Kenny) Besides, I just need a little TLC. CLEGG And a shit ton of Valtrex! Now get! With that Tracy saunters out, stumbling into a wall. CLEGG (CONT'D) Sorry about that. You can catch aids just by lookin' at that bitch. Let's blow some rails in my office. INT. STOCK ROOM/SHA-BOOMS. NIGHT Kenny hits a big rail of blow. These motherfuckers are in a cramped stock room, working their way through a gram of coke. KENNY You know April Buchanan works at the Middle School? CLEGG April Big Cannons? You hittin' that shit again? KENNY Nah, man. She's engaged to the fucking principal over there. Some jackoff that wants to be me. It's like she's switchin’ from a Cadillac to a Hyundai, and not even like a Sonata, I'm talking like a fucking Accent. The littlest shittiest one they make. CLEGG I'm sure with the caliber of bitches you've been dick deep in that ol' girl ain't nothin but a little blip on the radar. KENNY Yeah, a little blip with two big ass titties. Clegg takes a big bump. Fuck yeah. CLEGG (CONTTNIED)

24, CONTINUED: KENNY Big old poppers attached to a sell out. Goddamn shame. CLEGG You just need to bone some other shit and then you won't care. KENNY Who said I care? I don't give a fuck. Kenny hits another big line. INT. TEACHER'S LOUNGE - DAY Kenny is pouring a pack of alka-seltzer into a mug of coffee. He looks like shit, hung over and strung out. Kenny farts. The other TEACHERS in the lounge look at Kenny appalled. He doesn't give a shit. April walks in...makes herself a coffee. APRIL Good morning, Kenny. KENNY Yea, of course it is. Every morning is a million bucks to me. He downs the shitty coffee and almost gags. He throws the ceramic mug into the trash and exits. INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. DAY Kenny, looking like shit, sits across the desk from Cutler. LAWRENCE CUTLER Look, Kenny, there's something I want to talk to you about. Kenny shifts in his seat. LAWRENCE CUTLER (CONT'D) Coach Booth died this morning. KENNY That's shitty. How'd he go? LAWRENCE CUTLER They're not sure but it looks like he may have been taking too many of the pain pills the doctors gave him for his back. {

CONTINUED: KENNY That'll do it. Drop dead on the shitter Elvis style. A Boone's Farm and Vicodin cocktail. Been there. LAWRENCE CUTLER Look, I know you're a free agent, but since Booth isn't coming back I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to come to this team full time. I'd love to add you to the permanent roster. At least for the rest of the year. I mean, the kids could benefit from having a star athlete such as yocurself around and it could be good for you as well. I mean, we're talking health insurance, 401K plan, and in a few years you'll have tenure. Find me a ball player who's got tenure. Kenny looks like he wants to die. LAWRENCE CUTLER {(CONT'D) Think about my offer. You don't have to make up ycur mind now. Just sleep on it. You want a smoothie. KENNY Nah, I'm straight. Lawrence stands up and start mixing a smoothie. KENNY (CONT'D) So you know I took April's virginity- - Lawrence turns on the blender. He stops it. LAWRENCE CUTLER What's that? KENNY Nothing. INT. GYMNASIUM. DAY Kenny Powers stands in front of the kids and vents. KENNY I mean, I'm a goddamn national hero. What am I even doing here anyway? Nothing against you all, but don't get used to me being your gym teacher. (MORE) 25. { CONTTNITED)

26. CONTINUED: KENNY (CONT'D) A guy like me can't be contained by these walls with limitless room for this star to shine. This job is temporary. Part time is me, full time is you. At any moment, that phone is going to ring and it's going to be the majors and they're going to say, "Kenny Powers, here's a whole bunch of money. Would you please come back to baseball and save the world." You all mark my words. That phone will ring. The phone on the wall RINGS. Kenny Powers stops dead. He walks slowly over to the wall. Kenny picks up the phone. KENNY (CONT'D) (into phone) Hello...yeah...yeah...okay. Kenny hangs up the phone. He turns slowly to the class. KENNY (CONT'D) Class. It's time to go get screened for head lice. INT. LOCKER ROOM. AFTERNOON It's after school...Kenny is buck naked showering "after game" style and drinking a beer in the tiny boys' showers. A COUPLE OF KIDS run through the background. Stevie comes in with a mission and a sparkle in his eye. STEVIE I'm looking for the world famous Kenny -- Oh- Stevie stops dead in his tracks when he sees a naked Kenny. KENNY Spit it out. Stevie tries to look away and keep cool. STEVIE Uh, yea, Cutler was asking for each teacher to pair up and pick a school activity to oversee. I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to pair up with me and we could head up the canned food drive or maybe the Sadie Hawkins dance. KENNY I ain't doing any of that bullshit. {

27. CONTINUED: STEVIE I think we have to do one. KENNY Fuck this place. Kenny closes his eyes, the hot water rolls down. Stevie is left standing there Kenny ignores him. INT. KENNY'S TRUCK/SCHOOL PARKING LOT. DAY Kenny sits in his truck parked in the half empty school parking lot. KENNY Tad! INT. TAD WINKS' OFFICE/SPORTS AGENCY. DAY TAD WINKS (35), a slick sports agent talks through a - bluetooth head piece. Cut back and forth as needed. TAD KP, my fucking man. How's the dirty dirty treating you? KENNY Change of plans. TAD Talk to me, homeboy. KENNY I've been thinking, and I'm ready, man. I'm ready to rock back into action. Albuquerque, Topeka, surely somebody needs my heat. TAD Listen pimp, the way you left things with the league I think the best move for now is to just wait it out, get some distance. KENNY Alright, then get me something fucking else! A goddamn fan convention or some autograph bullshit! TAD I got nothing, big dog. {

CONTINUED: KENNY Nothing? I'm a fucking superstar, dude. You're telling me nobody out there needs a fucking superstar? TAD KP, this is a marathon, not a sprint. Have faith. A career is gonna be filled with ups and downs and this is just a down...we'll line something up. into Cutler's Ford Taurus together. KENNY Fuck that. I'm done with this small town shit! 28. Across the parking lot Kenny spots April and Cutler getting As Kenny slams the phone down we can faintly hear Tad on the other end... TAD I love you, dog. INT. DUSTIN AND CASSIE'S BEDROOM. NIGHT Dustin and Cassie lay in bed, lights off...suddenly there's a large BANG outside. CASSIE What is that?! Dustin springs up. DUSTIN He's throwing the goddamn baseball against the house. CASSIE Baby, please. Kill him. DUSTIN I can't. CASSIE You can though. You could push the air conditioning unit out the window and smash his head open. DUSTIN Then how would we keep it cool in here? He leans down and kisses her forehead. {CONTTNIIEDY

CONTINUED: DUSTIN (CONT'D) I'm the older brother. I can't kill him but I can lay his ass out. And he knows it. EXT. BACKYARD/POWERS' HOUSE. NIGHT Kenny is piss drunk. of the house making another huge BANG! and Kenny is really slinging it. Dustin comes running out of the house. DUSTIN What the hell are you doing? KENNY Look at me. I'm a fucking icon! Kenny throws the baseball at the house again. DUSTIN You're fucking up my siding! KENNY Man, fuck your siding. God's taking a shit on my face. The love of my life doesn't want to fuck me because she's getting married to some smoothie eating fairy. The only job opp I got is teaching a bunch of piss pants how to tie their fucking shoes. This is where I'm at, Dustin, take a picture. DUSTIN Get a hold of yourself. KENNY Everything in my life is shit. Fuck you world! Suck my dick! DUSTIN Look, I know the last few years have been tough. But come on, man. Now you gotta live with all us regular folks. Big deal. You're acting like it's a prison sentence or something. Sorry if life here ain't the glitz and glamour you're used to but you can't just run around acting like a baby. You need to take a good lock at yourself and buck up. 29. He throws a baseball against the side It's a great pitch BANG! {

30. CONTINUED: Kenny stares at him for a moment. The drunk gears spinning in his head. He begins to nod. KENNY Wow, you just nailed it. I hear you loud and clear. You're saying I got to get back on top again. DUSTIN I'm saying that you need to stop being an asshole, you need to stop disrespecting my house, my family-- KENNY Nah, man, what you're saying is that I need to become the fucking winner I used to be. I need to remember that I AM better than everybody else. DUSTIN No, Kenny, that's not what I'm saying at all. KENNY I mean, I just really need to go deep. I'm a bullet proof tiger. It's the bottom of the ninth and it's up to me to win it. I need to remind myself and everyone else in this goddamn town just who the fuck Kenny Powers is. I'm a goddamn shooting star! Kenny lets another fast as shit ball slam against the siding. DUSTIN Knock that shit off!! KENNY Don't get mad, bro. You've helped me see the light. That's huge. Now, I'm gonna help you. Yes I am. I'm going to sell my jet ski. DUSTIN You are? KENNY Hell yeah. I need to focus. No time for toys and distractions. Besides, it can pay for a lot of bills and things for your kids. Jet ski, you're fuckin' out. {

31. CONTINUED: (2) DUSTIN Well, Cassie will be glad she can park in the driveway again. KENNY Shit yes. I love you, big brother. You goddamn sage. He grabs Dustin and hugs him. INT. BATHROOM/POWERS' HOUSE. MORNING Kenny gets out of the shower. He looks at himself in the mirror. He stares hard and then his gaze goes to the electric razor charging. INT. HALLWAY/SCHOOL. MORNING There's a big banner for the Pep Rally...it's long and reads "GO REBELS!!" in shitty puffy letter hand writing. IN SLOW MOTION: Right through the center of it bursts Kenny Powers. He's shaved the LINES in his head like back in the day. In fact he's changed his entire look to how it was in his prime. Trim mullet, Oakley blades, long duster. He looks like a fucking action hero. As Kenny walks all of the KIDS prepping the pep rally protest and yell at him, angry and pissed. To Kenny, in SLO-MO, it just reads as cheering. Cheering for fucking Kenny Powers. INT. SCHOOL OFFICE. DAY Kenny throws the door to the office open. A CHINESE AV KID and OFFICE ASST. are in the middle of morning announcements. CHINESE AV KID On Tuesday the Junior Future Farmer's of America will-- Hey! INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. DAY Cutler is in the middle of a warrior one to downward dog yoga move when the loudspeaker whines. KENNY (OVER LOUDSPEAKER) How the hell do work this damn thing? Am I on can they- Hello. Cutler stares up at the loudspeaker. INT. BAND ROOM. DAY Stevie stares), along with the rest of the class at the loudspeaker. {

32. CONTINUED: KENNY (OVER LOUDSPEAKER) Good morning students, teachers, janitors, lunch people. INT. SCHOOL OFFICE. DAY KENNY This is Kenny Powers, professional baseball player, and I got something I want to say. INT. ART CLASSROOM. DAY April turns away from the loudspeaker. KENNY A lot of people out there think they got a pretty good idea of who Kenny Powers is. INT. SCHOOL OFFICE. DAY KENNY Well I'm here to say that all you people don't know sh- INT. HALLWAY/OFFICE DOOR. DAY Cutler shows up to the Office and finds the door locked. KENNY -well y'all don't know anything. INT. HALLWAY/SCHOOL. DAY TWO JANITORS lean against their mops listening. KENNY There comes a time in every man's life where he has to look in the mirror and decide who he really is. I came to that crossroads and I have decided. SCHOOL OFFICE. DAY Kenny is now around the room holding the mic. The two AV kids stare in disbelief. KENNY Kenny Powers is a man. Kenny Powers is an athlete. Kenny Powers is a lover. But the most thing he is, I mean the thing that Kenny Powers is the most...

33. CONTINUED: Kenny takes a dramatic pause. CUT TO: CU - STEVIE CU -~ CUTLER Ccu - APRIL KENNY Is a goddamn champion. April winces. INT. SCHOOL OFFICE. DAY KENNY And the one thing a champion never does is quit. Cutler comes in through the door with the keys in his hands. He looks at Kenny and the men stare face to face. KENNY (CONT'D) A champion conquers his enemies... He winks at Cutler. The principal stares back, baffled. KENNY (CONT'D) And wins. Cutler tries to take the microphone. CUTLER I think maybe we should- Kenny presses two fingers to Cutler's lips. KENNY That's why, I'm here to say, to you all, that Kenny Powers is officially taking the job as your new PE coach...until I get called back up to the majors. Kenny hands mic to Cutler, beaming proudly, and exits. Cutler, stands dumbfounded with the mic in his hands. INT. BAND ROOM. DAY Stevie begins clapping, encouraging his students, who weakly join in. One kid smashes two cymbals together.

34. INT. ART CLASSROOM. DAY All the kids are laughing. APRIL Alright everyone, shows over, let's Jjust- STUDENT Ms. Buchanan? STUDENT nods to the door. April turns. There, standing in all his glory is Kenny Powers. For a moment the two just stare at each other. Then, fast as a gunslinger, Kenny raises his arm and points, taking dead aim at her. He mouths the following to her... KENNY I'm coming for you. Then, just like that, he moves on. INT. HALLWAY/SCHOOL. DAY Kenny proudly strides out, walking between the two janitors and giving them two simultaneous high fives, and then walking straight out the front doors and into the sunlight. JANITOR #1 Where the fuck is that dude qo;.ng'> It's still first period. SLOW MOTION CLOSE UP OF KENNY, WIND BLOWING THROUGH HIS LAME HAIR. KENNY TAKES A LONG PULL ON A MASTER CYLINDER OF SHLITZ. EXT. POND. SUNSET is on his jet ski, thundering around a small pond. He ain't alone either. Riding bitch, with her arms wrapped snugly around him is Tracy, the drunk seducer, from the bar. a power turn slinging her off. KENNY You tell anybody about my jet ski I'11 kill you! He guns it and smiles in victory as he rips across the lake. FREEZE FRAME