Heat Vision and Jack “Episode 14: The Eyes of Paragon” By Rob Schrab and Dan Harmon “Pitching” Draft Halloween ‘98

FADE IN: SPACE We float in the inky vacuum. The NARRATOR’S voice is a flawless likeness of TED KNIGHT’S, a la 1970s Super Friends cartoons. NARRATOR (V.O.) Space: The black, empty void. Timeless. Endless. Remorseless. OQur POV pans to a NEBULA. A GREEN BALL slingshots from it. As it passes us, we hear menacing curses, uttered in a GARBLED ALIEN LANGUAGE. TED KNIGHT (CONT’D) Given this infinite curtain of night, it would be foolish to assume that other species did not exist. The GREEN BALL HITS a small satellite, hanging in the Earth’s orbit, enveloping it in a green GLOW. TED KNIGHT (CONT’D) It would also be foolish to assume they were not evil. CUT TO: INT. FRANK’S DINER - KITCHEN FRANK, 45, round, unshaven, stands in a greasy spoon’s tiny kitchen. He finishes labeling a ziploc bag “LARD 9/28” and seals it up. WEIRD STATIC comes over the old radio next to him. It quickly becomes the ALIEN VOICE, cursing in the nonsense language. Frank looks at it. The radio GLOWS GREEN. Alarmed, Frank picks up his metal spatula and SMACKS at the radio with it. The radio throws a SPARK. Frank SHAKES. The GREEN GLOW shoots through the spatula and into his body. Frank flies backward out of frame. INT. FRANK’S DINER - DINING ROOM It’s closing time. PATRICE, middle-aged waitress, places the last chair on one of the tables. (CONTINUED)

CREDIT SEQUENCE Rapid fire images, to a special version of The Firm’s Radiocactive, sung by Jack Black: -- A rising sun over a flat desert horizon. -~ A leather gloved fist revving a motorcycle’s engine. JACK PEELING off on an orange Harley, ZO0O0MING into the distance at mach speeds. TITLE: HEAT VISION AND JACK -- Jack throwing a scientist against the wall of an army barracks -- Jack sword-fighting with the Devil -~ The sleek, customized, bright ORANGE motorcycle, from front to back. TITLE: OWEN WILSON as the voice of HEAT VISION -- Jack passionately kissing a beautiful woman -- Jack, side saddle on the orange bike. He's looking at us, smiling as if we just thanked him for saving our marriage. TITLE: JACK BLACK as JACK AUSTIN -- Jack typing on a computer keyboard in a dark office. The screen says “ACCESSING MAINFRAME” -- Jack punching a werewolf across the face -- Jack ducking a lew flying A metal door with the NASA logo on it. The logo and door SPLIT down the middle, revealing Ron Silver. He marches forward as if he's going to kill us. TITLE: RON SILVER as HIMSELF -- Jack, tied to a chair, back to back with George Plimpton, who is dressed as a magician. -- Jack, naked, next to a GIGANTIC PENCIL. Realizing he’s been shrunken down, he looks at the pencil and SCREAMS. -- Jack riding Heat Vision down an empty highway, lip syncing I‘m Radioactive without looking at the camera. He disappears into the sunset. FADE TO BLACK. CUT TO:

EXT. DESERT HIGHWAY - NIGHT JACK speeds down the dark, open road. He's wearing a red NASA jumpsuit, shades hooked over the front zipper. We stay on him as the Ted Knight voice-over comes in: NARRATOR (V.0.) Armed only with his superior intellect and orange, talking motorcycle, Jack Austin, former astronaut, speeds through America’s sandy, sandy desert. His destination unknown, his journey will be difficult. His arrival... impossible. Whenever HEAT VISION, the motorcycle, speaks, his headlight BLINKS. HEAT VISION Jack, we can't ride like this forever. I'm starving. Jack looks down to the FUEL GAUGE. It’s on E. HEAT VISION (cont’d) Hey, remember when I was human, and we ran out of gas in Tijuana and you had too much to drink and you woke up with that 72 year old woman? Jack squints ahead to a DISTANT ROAD SIGN. It’s strobed, due to Heat Vision’s excited speech. HEAT VISION (cont’d) And she followed us to the border and the police wouldn’t let you back into America until you kissed her in front of everybody- JACK -Be quiet. I see when you talk. Heat Vision stops talking. The headlight stays on, illuminating a cheap billboard for FRANK'S DINER. “1 Mile.” CUT TO: EXT. FRANK’S DINER - NIGHT There’s an unleaded gas pump in the parking lot. The lights inside are out, but the sign says “OPEN.” Jack and Heat pull in. The cycle’s engine shuts off by itself. {CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: JACK (cont’d) Now we can both fill up, uh? (beat) buy a waffle and a few gallons of premium, how’s that sound? Long pause. JACK (cont’D) Heat Vision-? HEAT VISION I was asked to be quiet. Jack gets off the bike, exasperated. CUT TO: INT. FRANK’S DINER - DINING ROOM Jack walks into Frank’s. Dark. Empty. Looking around, his eyebrow shoots halfway up his forehead. Something’s amiss. The jukebox is skipping: “Daydream believer and a; Daydream believer and a; Daydream believer and a...” Heat Vision is ranting outside, too muffled to make out. Jack walks to the jukebox and unplugs it. JACK (calling out) Hello? Heat Vision rolls to the diner’s door and pushes halfway through with his front tire. HEAT VISION You weren’t even listening to me. Jack walks over to Heat. JACK Sure I was. You were complaining, right? He grabs HEAT VISION’S handlebars and SHINES the headlight around the diner. The place is trashed. Chairs have been thrown every which way. The walls are covered with red and yellow writing: “I AM PARAGON”, “KNEEL BEFORE ME”, “YOUR MASTER HAS ARRIVED” and subtle variations. Heat Vision moves out of Jack’s grip, rolling the rest of the way into the dining room. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: HEAT VISION My God, what the (BLEEP) happened here? 1Is that blood on the walls? JACK (dismissive) The blood of tomatoes. Jack crouches by a small pile of ASH. He examines a pinch of it, sifting the powder through his fingers and smelling it. A waitress’ check pad and pen are laying nearby. He picks up the pen. JACK (cont’d) We've just wandered into the scene of a very unusual crime. HEAT VISION We tend to do that, don’t we? CUT TO: INT. FRANK’S DINER - KITCHEN Jack enters through the swinging door. He looks quickly around the small room. The grill is still hot. The spatula is fused to the smoldering radio. (0.S.) FREEZE! A SHERIFF, a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN in her thirties, has a revolver leveled on Jack from the kitchen’s open back door. Jack smiles, raising his hands. JACK You shouldn’t point those things at people. They’re dangerous. SHERIFF Only if I pull the trigger. JACK I wasn’t talking about the gun. SHERIFF Neither was They stand there a moment, confused by their own wit. CUT TO:

EXT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT A HOOKER knocks on a door. FRANK opens it from the inside. He's still wearing his apron and sunglasses. HOOKER You called for a date? FRANK Yes. Paragon will date you. INT. MOTEL ROOM The hooker steps inside, looking around, chewing her gum. HOOKER Hey, what gives? There are several piles of ash on the floor. HOOKER (cont’d) You really into ashes or Cuz I don’t do no kinky stuff. Closing the door behind her, Frank lowers his shades, Tevealing his glowing green eyes. FRANK You’1ll do whatever Paragon desires. You Earthling monkey tramps are all alike. She turns, sees his eyes, and screamns. Enveloped in rippling, green light, she dissolves into yet another pile of ash. Frank laughs for a long, long time. Then, he sighs. CUT TO: INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT The Sheriff closes the door on a jail cell. Jack is inside. JACK I'm not a criminal. SHERIFF Tell me your name. JACK I can’t do that. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: SHERIFF Spoken like a criminal. (beat) Tell you what. Let’s just place a call to your employers. She crosses her tiny office to the phone. JACK Who? She indicates his jumpsuit. SHERIFF NASA. Jack FREAKS OUT. JACK WAIT! PLEASE. Sensing his urgency, She looks up. gripping the bars of his cell, white knuckled. His voice drips with need. JACK (cont’d) NASA is a sinister council of doom. Don’t call them. You’1ll put us both in grave danger. SHERIFF Then talk to me. She hangs up the phone. JACK Okay. Here we go again., {sigh) My name is Jack Austin. I was an astronaut for NASA. FLASH CUT TO: SPACE - STOCK FOOTAGE Of any spacecraft soaring through the cosmos. A closer shot reveals JACK looking out a window, smiling pleasantly. JACK (V.0.) On my last mission, an orbital mix-up brought my craft too close to the sun. Jack looks in a different direction. His smile breaks into a look of shock. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: We see stock footage of the SUN. Cutting back to Jack, we see hinm clutching his head, screaming in agony. CUT TO: INT. NASA LAB Jack, wide eyed, is seated on the edge of a metal table. Dozens of scientists are arguing with each other over drawings and charts. JACK (V.0.) When I got back, they tested me for injuries and found that my brain had expanded. BACK TO: INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT The Sheriff balks at this. SHERIFF Expanded? JACK Apparently, the mind is not unlike cookie dough. Human evolution is a result of thermal energy, baking the mind, expanding its cognitive capacity. I had gotten just enough sun to evolve me. Now I'm up to three times smarter than the smartest man in the world. FLASH CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY We're looking through a doorway into a smoke-filled room. A menacing group of older men look back at us from around a large table. JACK (V.0.) Too smart for NASA. I figured out they were going to kill me and remove my brain for further study. The door to the smoky room is SLAMMED in our faces. FLASH CUT TO:

INT. WHITE HALL Jack is talking to someone on a red, wall mounted phone. JACK (V.0.) Always one step ahead, I called my roommate, Doug, and asked if he’d come pick me up. BACK TO: INT. POLICE STATION -~ NIGHT The Sheriff is seated on her desk, staring at Jack. JACK I got away. (remorseful) Doug didn’t. That’s why you can’t call NASA. They’ll stop at nothing to get my brain. There’s a man tracking me down as we speak. A very, very dangerous man. NASA’s ultimate weapon. FLASH CUT T0: INT. NASA HEADQUARTERS A metal door, bearing the NASA logo, splits open. Ron Silver marches toward us, threateningly. His eyes dismiss us as meat. JACK (V.0.) His name is Ron Silver. He’s a former astronaut, like me, but he’s also a gifted actor...and a cold blooded killer. BACK TO: INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT The Sheriff smiles and nods, mulling this over. Jack gestures to her skeptical face as if to say, “See? Nobody ever believes me.” The phone rings. She walks to it and picks it up. SHERIFF (cont’d) Sheriff’s office. (beat) Uh, huh. (beat) I'1l be right there. (CONTINUED)

C CONTINUED: She hangs up and starts putting on her coat. SHERIFF (cont’d) This could be your big break. Somebody just trashed a motel room on highway eight. It was registered to a Mr. Bob Paragon. JACK Be careful with this, Sheriff. This “Paragon” isn't a vandal, he’s a murderer. SHERIFF You know him? JACK No, but I saw what you saw at the diner. That pile of ash on the floor? It was flesh and bone. Somebody removed the energy and moisture from a human body. If you find more ash at that motel, you’ll know you’re in over your head. SHERIFF Then I’11 come get you, right? JACK I won’'t be here. (0ff her look) At sunrise, I'll be so intelligent, no cell will be able to hold me. SHERIFF (smile) Careful on your way out. I hardly ever feed Gary. She nods to an unleashed German shepherd, laying in the corner. Sensing that it’s being looked at, Gary looks up and CUT TO: EXT. POLICE STATION - FRONT - NIGHT The Sheriff pulls out of her parking spot and heads quickly down the road, flashing the red and blue lights. We pan to one side, where HEAT VISION is parked behind a bush, facing the station. His headlight comes on and flickers a bit as he whistles a nervous tune. CUT TO:

EXT. POLICE STATION - REAR - NIGHT Unmanned, Heat Vision drives around a back corner of the building to a barred window. The front tire rolls UP the wall as Heat pops a wheelie, leaning forward against the building. CUT TO: INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT Jack is moping, seated on his bunk. He twirls the ballpoint pen he found at the diner. HEAT VISION (0.S.) Psst! PSST! Jack looks to his cell’s window, where Heat Vision’s headlight can be seen, peeking in and blinking as the bike whispers. HEAT VISION (cont’d) What’s up-? Jack stands and walks to the window. JACK Heat Vision. There’s a killer on the loose. You’ve got to get me out of here. HEAT VISION What do you want me to do? Jack thinks about this. He turns and takes in the elements of the small office. Gary the German shepherd growls at him. There is a set of keys on a wall mounted hook. Jack turns back to the window. JACK There’s keys on the wall. HEAT VISION I can’t get in there, man. JACK Are you sure? HEAT VISION Dude. Look at me. I can’t even wave to people, how I'm gonna be masterminding prison breaks? (CONTINUED)

C 13. CONTINUED: Jack looks away, disappointed. Then, he looks to the horizon. The sky is showing streaks of orange. JACK Come on, you big ball of gas, light my darkest hour. HEAT VISION Okay. JACK Not you. CUT TO: INT. MOTEL ROOM Completely trashed, ash everywhere, “KNEEL BEFORE PARAGON” is written on the mirror in lipstick. The Sheriff is waiting for a DOCTOR to finish examining something under a microscope. He has a portable forensic station set up on the dresser. DOCTOR This is very, very strange. These ashes are dehydrated flesh and bone. SHERIFF As if someone removed the moisture from a human body? The doctor turns to look at her, impressed. DOCTOR That would do it, yes. {(bemused) If that technology existed outside of comic books and rap music. RON SILVER (0.S.) Hi, there. Both of them look to see RON SILVER, a friendly looking suit clad man, standing in the doorway. RON SILVER (cont’d) My room is just down the hall, and I saw the squad car-~ SHERIFF -There’s no need to be alarmed, sir. Ron holds out a NASA ID. (CONTINUED)

14. CONTINUED: RON SILVER (cont’d) If there was, I’d know before you. (chuckle) Just kidding. I need to ask a few questions. My name is Ron Silver. The Sheriff is shocked. The Doctor snaps three times and points at Ron. DOCTOR I just rented Timecop. You were the bad guy in Timecop. Ron gives the Doctor a warm smile and nod. RON SILVER Acting is one of my more enjoyable diversions. (severe) However, right now, what I’d really like to do is find a man named Jack Austin. He holds up a photo of Jack (Jack Black’s headshot) and smiles at the Sheriff. There is something about his smile this time. 1It’s too sustained. Too perfect. SHERIFF I...How exactly do you know Mr. Austin? Ron seems unprepared for this question- for a fraction of a second. Then: RON SILVER He’s a test subject. Nasa has been researching the effects of zero gravity on stark raving lunatics. The Sheriff is relieved, but then concerned: SHERIFF The effect is that you’ve inspired his delusions. RON SILVER (thankful) Ah. Then the experiment is over. (fighting impatience) I'd like to thank him, and give him a ride to a place where the government says he’ll be less dangerous to babies. Do you know where I might find him? CUT TO:

EXT. HORIZON The SUN SLOWLY RISES. NARRATOR (V.0.) The galaxy is filled with stars, but none are so important as our closest, the sun. It helps us all to grow food and keep from freezing to death. INT. POLICE STATION Jack is standing in the middle of his cell, facing the window. He holds his arms out at his sides, waiting. NARRATOR (V.0.) But for the renegade astronaut who once journeyed far too close to its hypnotic heat, each morning brings an additional gift. A ray of sunlight shoots between the bars, terminating at Jack’s feet. NARRATOR (cont’d) Solar energy turns Jack Austin into the world’s most intelligent man. The sun ray moves up to his feet, knees, crotch, chest, and .... We ZOOM into Jack’s eye as his face is washed with the awn’s-mighty kiss- CUT TO: TRADEMARK “SUPER INTELLIGENCE” SEQUENCE Made up of affordable computer graphics: Physics diagrams, brain X-rays, Rodin’s The Thinker, a globe, a human eye, but mostly “E=mc2.” Jack’s distant inner voice can be heard, shouting: “I KNOW EVERYTHING!” BACK TO: INT. POLICE STATION A diabolical smile spreads across Jack’s face. He turns and looks at Gary the German shepherd through the bars. The dog growls. Jack pulls the ballpoint pen from his pocket and twists it apart. (CONTINUED)

16. CONTINUED: JACK (cont’d) German shepherd. Breed perfected in Germany, 1900. Distinguishing trait: obedience. Jack holds half of the disassembled pen to his lips and carefully blows a high, precise note. As if mechanically activated, the shepherd bolts upright, ears perked. Jack blows another note. The dog wags its tail. Jack blows two different notes. The dog starts licking itself. Jack seems satisfied. JACK (cont’d) Listen carefully, Gary. I need you to- {blows into pen) -and then- (blows a succession of notes) Thanks. Gary goes to the wall, stands on his hind legs and grabs the keys with his mouth. He brings the keys to Jack, who uses them to unlock the cell. Gary growls at Jack. Jack blows a harsh note into the pen. Gary starts walking in a tight circle and doesn’t stop. CUT TO: EXT. POLICE STATION - MORNING Heat Vision is revving himself, waiting outside the door. Jack runs out and leaps on. HEAT VISION Where to? JACK Back to the diner, where I got arrested. HEAT VISION That makes sense. The bike roars to life and peels into the distance. Shortly after, the Sheriff’s squad car comes from the opposite direction, pulls into the lot and parks. CUT TO:

17 INT. POLICE STATION - MORNING The Sheriff walks in with Ron Silver. She’s laughing. RON SILVER One more. How do Klingons board their spaceship? SHERIFF How? She stops laughing, looking around. RON SILVER They Klingon. What’s wrong? The empty cell’s door hangs open, keys in the lock. Gary the German shepherd is still spinning in circles. SHERIFF (cont’d) Gary? Gary stops spinning, then lays on his back, moaning. SHERIFF (cont’d) He escaped. Ron walks into the station, looking around. The pleasant smile melts from his face. RON SILVER Did he give you any indication which way he’d be heading? East? West? (yelling) NORTH? SOUTH? HUH? ARAGH! He KICKS her desk ACROSS the room. The Sheriff becomes alarmed. SHERIFF Ron, take it easy- He whirls and points at her. RON SILVER No, YOU take it easy, MA’AM. Honey. You just sicked a very dangerous man on the world. He heads for the door. She grabs his arm. SHERIFF Mr. Silver, I still have quite a few questions. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: RON SILVER You have questions? He GRABS her by the throat. He LIFTS her from the floor with one hand. RON SILVER -Keep them. Stick them. Where the sun doesn’t shine. He tosses her back a few feet. She stumbles to the floor. He turns his back on her, again heading out. She draws her gun and cocks the hammer. He stops walking, but doesn’t turn around. RON SILVER (cont’d) If T feel so much as one bullet hit me, I’1ll come over there, and pull your lungs through your nostrils. He walks out. The Sheriff just lays there on the floor of her empty office, next to her dizzy dog, holding a gun in a trembling hand. Her whole world has just peeled open. FADE TO BLACK. END OF ACT I CUT TO: FREEZE FRAME Of the HEAT VISION and JACK title from the opening sequence. A voice-over- different from the Narrator of the show: VOICEOVER Heat Vision and Jack is brought to you by... A NESTLE logo is superimposed over the freeze frame. VOICEOVER (cont’d) Nestle chocolate candy bars. The best (beeeeeep) candy bars in the (beep) ing world. FADE IN: EXT. FRANK’'S DINER - MORNING Sectioned off with yellow police ribbon. (CONT INUED) 18.

CONTINUED: Heat Vision is parked at the gas pump. The nozzle is tucked into his tank, the trigger on auto. HEAT VISION Ah. Mmmmm. Yeah. Oh yeah. The Ted Knight narrator: NARRATOR (V.0.) Outside the diner, Heat Vision satiates an understandable appetite for gasoline, - CUT TO: INT. DINER - KITCHEN Jack is staring at the burnt out radio and spatula. He takes a thoughtful bite of a sandwich. NARRATOR (V.0.) While inside, Jack Austin, the smartest human being ever, sinks his deductive teeth into a large clue sandwich, a sandwich prepared with extra mystery, in a kitchen. He finishes an INCREDIBLY COMPLEX diagram on a yellow legal pad. It is filled from edge to edge with cryptic formulas and phrases, but mainly features a satellite, radio, spatula, chef, and human eye. Satisfied, he circles something. The Sheriff enters through the same back door as before. SHERIFF I thought I’d find you here. Seeing her, Jack raises his hands in surrender. JACK Before you arrest me, Let me just say one thing. (beat) The chef and the waitress are both missing. In lieu of the waitress, we have a pile of ash. lieu of the chef? Thin air. He left this kitchen alive. He also left in a hurry, but he never came to you. The grill was left on, and a bag of lard left on the counter. The chef had just finished labeling it. Look at the handwriting. (MORE) (CONTINUED) 19.

20. CONTINUED: JACK (cont’d) The “R” in lard is what’s called a “lateral R,” drawn from the top, then down, then up again. The “R”s in Paragon are “simple circuit,” drawn from the bottom up. The fingerprints in the ketchup are an exact match to the fingerprints on the marker and the tuner of this radio. Which, by the way, generated a charge strong enough to spot weld a spatula. Our chef walked away from that dynamo with different penmanship and a kooky name? How strange. For a human. CUT TO: EXT. FRANK’S DINER - MORNING Heat Vision makes a final, refreshed sound and pulls away from the gas pump. The nozzle and hose fall to the ground. HEAT VISION That’s better. Heat “strolls around” the parking lot, humming a tune. He suddenly stops, seeing something. FRANK is walking down the highway toward the diner, still wearing his apron and sunglasses. HEAT VISION (cont’d) Hey... Heat starts toward Frank. Frank, seeing the vehicle heading his way, TURNS stiffly and walks in the opposite direction. HEAT VISION (cont’d) HEY! Hey you! Do you work here? Heat takes off after the marching chef. He catches up quickly, following closely behind. Frank just keeps walking swiftly up the road, ignoring the bike. HEAT VISION (cont’d) Hey, I'm talking to you. Dude. Frank stops, turns and HISSES at Heat Vision, raising his sunglasses, revealing his glowing green eyes. HEAT VISION (cont’d) Whoa. What’s up with you? Frank keeps death-staring at the motorcrscle, with no effect. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: HEAT VISION {cont’d) You’re the guy, aren’t you? Did you k11l that waitress? Frank turns and RUNS robotically down the highway. HEAT VISION (cont’d) Hey, wait, um...Freeze! Stop! CUT ToO: INT. FRANK’S DINER - KITCHEN Jack is finishing his Angela Lansbury rant. JACK I think an alien life form must have converted itself into a broadcastable signal, then beamed through the diner’s radio and into the body of the chef. ©Now the chef is out there, somewhere, acting on the will of a hateful being. He looks at her. She’s trying to take this all in. JACK (cont’d) I know you don’t believe me- SHERIFF -I don’t know what to believe. (beat) Jack. Ron Silver came to see me, he’s looking for you. Hearing the name “Ron Silver,” Jack’s face twists into a hideous mask of pure, child-like terror. HEAT VISION (0.S.) Jack! JACK! JACK! Jack snaps out of it. JACK Heat Vision! He runs through the kitchen’s swinging door. The Sheriff runs after, concerned. EXT. FRANK’S DINER - MORNING Jack runs out the front door, through the web of yellow police ribbon. The Sheriff is close behind. Heat Vision speeds into the parking lot. (CONTINUED)

2¢, CONTINUED: HEAT VISION That fat guy tried to zap me with his freaky eyes! The Sheriff looks at the talking motorcycle, bug eyed. Jack looks down the highway and sees the fat, aproned man running away. The Sheriff looks ‘to see what he sees. SHERIFF I think that’s Frank. The chef! Jack, determined, leaps onto Heat Vision. HEAT VISION go! Heat peels out of the parking lot. The Sheriff runs after, then stops and heads around the back of the diner, where she parked. CUT TO: EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY Frank is still running down the middle of the road like a robot. Over his shoulder, we see Heat Vision and Jack speeding toward him. Frank runs off the road into a FOREST. Jack and Heat ride after him. EXT. FOREST - DAY Frank continues running, over dead logs, under low- hanging branches. Heat Vision is having difficulty getting through the woods. Jack leaps off his bike. JACK Go around, we’ll box him in! Jack runs away. Heat Vision stops and turns his handlebars this way and that. HEAT VISION Go around where? What? Go around the forest? Frank has not slowed down one bit. He’s disappearing in the distance. (CONTINUED)

23, CONTINUED: JACK STOP! CUT TO: EXT. CLEARING - DAY Jack runs into a forest clearing. Frank is nowhere in sight. There is a crude campsite here. A small fire pit, a log bench...and a newspaper. Jack examines it. It’'s a free Porno newspaper, filled with ads for strip clubs and €Scort services. It’s open to the middle. Examining the page, Jack sees a circled ad for the TREASURED CHEST, a strip bar. It boasts NAUGHTY WOMEN WHO ENJOY FLAUNTING THEMSELVES. Frank appears from out of frame and SLAMS INTO Jack, knocking him to the ground. Jack rolls and gets to his feet, combat ready. Frank stands, hands at his sides. FRANK Pathetic humans. When you were still eating bugs with your feet, Paragon became pure energy, an omnipotent collective, capable of bending space and time. JACK JACK ATTACK! Jack makes a very serious martial arts gesture and runs toward Frank. Frank whips off his glasses, revealing his deadly, glowing eyes. Jack cringes and begins to shake. He screams in pain and GLOWS GREEN. HEAT VISION ROARS into the clearing, distracting Frank. Frank runs, leaving Jack to fall to his knees, screaming. The green glow fades. Frank disappears into the woods, Heat Vision at his heels. Jack is curled in the fetal position, shaking on the ground, when the Sheriff runs to him, gun drawn. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: SHERIFF Jack! Are you okay? JACK I'm okay...I'm okay... HEAT VISION (0.S.) Help! JACK! HELP ME! JACK HEAT VISION?! HEAT VISION (0.S.) JACK! CUT TO: EXT. FOREST - DAY Jack, still trembling, aided by the Sheriff, forces his way through the woods. JACK HEAT VISION?! HEAT VISION (0.S.) JACK! Heat Vision is laying on his side. HEAT VISION (cont’d) He pushed me over. I get upt Jack grabs Heat Vision’s handlebars and lifts him upright. SHERIFF He got away? HEAT VISION (cont’d) (embarrassed) He pushed me over. SHERIFF Did you see which way he went? HEAT VISION (defensive) He pushed me over. JACK Okay, buddy. Okay. CUT TO: 24,

EXT. SHERIFF’S HOUSE DAY Heat Vision is parked in the Sheriff’s driveway, next to the squad car. Neighborhood children have gathered around it, giggling. Heat Vision makes a fart sound. The kids giggle and back up, then step toward him again. Heat Vision makes a fart sound. The kids giggle and back up. CUT TO: INT. HOUSE - DAY Frank and the Sheriff are having coffee at her kitchen table. The Sheriff is watching the bike through the window. SHERIFF He acts so human. It’s hard to believe he’s just a computer. JACK He’s not. He’s human. Well. Half human, half Harley. SHERIFF I don’t understand. JACK Remember I told you how I got away from NASA? FLASH CUT TO: INT. WHITE HALL Jack is talking to someone on a red, wall mounted phone. SHERIFF (V.0.) Yeah, you said you called someone. Your roommate. Doug, right? EXT. NASA HEADQUARTERS - PARKING LOT Jack’s roommate, DOUG, is seated on Heat Vision, smoking a cigarette. He has his back to us. JACK (V.0.) During the escape, Doug was shot with an interfusion ray and merged with his motorcycle. (CONTINUED)

26, CONTINUED: Jack bursts through a door, running for his life. Behind him, a group of scientists in white coats gives chase, toting various horrible looking weapons. One of the scientists points a particularly large ray gun at Jack’s back. Doug points in slo-mo. Jack ducks as a blue ray shoots from the scientist’s gun, striking Doug and Heat Vision in a blinding FLASH (we never see Doug’s face). BACK TO: INT. SHERIFF’S HOUSE - DAY Jack stands up and takes their coffee cups to the Sheriff’s sink. JACK Doug died that day, and Heat Vision was born. SHERIFF He seems okay with it. JACK How long can you go on whining when you’'re running for your life? fate makes you a motorcycle, you suck it up. You become a motorcycle. She stands up. SHERIFF Does the same go for you? JACK I'm not a motorcycle. She walks to behind him. SHERIFF So you never get tired of running? You never have to stop for gas? He turns and looks at her. JACK Sometimes I do. He strokes her cheek. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: JACK (cont’d) But the gas always lives to regret it. There’s a spark, an explosion, then I move forward, and the gas is consumed. Exhausted. SHERIFF Do you promise? They kiss passionately. DISSOLVE TO: INT. SHERIFF’S HOUSE - BEDROOM The Sheriff is sleeping soundly, naked beneath the covers. She rolls, draping her arm over the empty space next to her. Laughter from the next room wakes her up. She looks around. She hears more chuckling. CUT TO: INT. SHERIFF'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM Jack is seated on her couch in his boxer shorts, laughing at the television. He’s also eating a bag of microwave popcorn and tinkering with various gutted appliances. The Sheriff’s boombox is wired and duct taped to a spatula, as well as her DSS mini-satellite dish. He’'s watching PBS, on which Stephen Hawking is describing the nature of time and matter. Jack shakes his head and laughs again. JACK Yeah, right. Keep talkin’, Steve. The Sheriff enters from the bedroom, her blankets wrapped around her. SHERIFF Hey. He looks up from the coffee table covered with her household’s ruined electronics. JACK Oh, hi. I'm sorry, I hope you don’t mind, I made a bag of popcorn. SHERIFF Aren’t you tired? (CONTINUED) 27.

CONTINUED: JACK I can’t sleep. SHERIFF It has been a crazy day. JACK No, I mean I can’t sleep. Ever. (beat) Come here. I want to show you something. She sits next to him on the couch. He points at the Jerry-rigged device and shoves a handful of popcorn into his mouth. JACK (cont’d) Paragon is a broadcast frequency, and the chef’s body is an antenna. He eats by subverting the optic nerves, both of his host and the victim. That’s why he couldn’t turn Heat Vision into ashes. Heat got no eyes. Now. The next time we find the guy, I'm gonna get crazy on him, hard style, because I owe him. Once I knock his glasses off, all you have to do is tap him with this. He holds up the spatula. SHERIFF Then what? JACK Then the alien goes into the boombox, and the dish zaps him right back into space. SHERIFF Won’t he be able to turn around and come back? Jack thinks about the answer to this question for a long time. JACK (cont’d) I'm hoping no. Any other questions? SHERIFF How do we find him? JACK I have a lead. CUT TO: 28.

INT. TREASURE CHEST RESTAURANT - DAY Your average highway-side seafood restaurant. A teenage CASHIER in a sailor hat is filling the toothpick dispenser. Jack and the Sheriff walk up to the counter. SHERIFF Excuse me, have you seen a man in an apron and sunglasses? CASHIER You mean the one standing right behind you? JACK Don’t look! Jack spins and DECKS an elderly, blind busboy, who drops to the floor with a pile of dishes. Seeing what he’s done, Jack grimaces. The Sheriff crouches, trying to revive the old man. The cashier bursts into tears. CASHIER Please don’t hurt him. I know he’s got a lot of gambling debts, but that’s why he took this job and sold his eyes to science. JACK No no no. That was a mistake. We’re..I think at the wrong place, it seems like there should be more naked women here, less...lobster. CASHIER (realizing) Oh. You’re thinking of the TreasureD Chest, Treasured with a D. It’s a strip club on highway seven. The Sheriff stands up, propping the unconscious man against the counter. JACK Highway seven. Sorry. CASHIER That’s okay, it happens all the time. Actually, someone asked about that place, not five minutes ago. Heavyset guy, wearing an apron and sunglasses. Called me a whore-in-training. (CONTINUED) 29:;

CONTINUED: Jack and the Sheriff look at each other. The old man falls to the floor. CUT TO: INT. TREASURED CHEST STRIP BAR It’s lunch time at this seedy, remote club- a couple of guys shooting pool, a few regular drunks hunched over the bar, and a few introverts seated around the runway. Techno music blares from the large sound system, manned by a bald, bearded DJ doing a crossword puzzle. FRANK is standing at the end of the runway, glaring at the dancing stripper. He doesn’t like it here, but he’s got a job to do. FRANK Paragon will absorb all monkey whores. Another stripper approaches Frank from the side and runs a hand across his chest. STRIPPER 1 You want a lap dance? Frank looks at her. FRANK WHAT? STRIPPER 1 Do you want a lap dance? FRANK Yes. You will dance on Paragon’s lap. She leads him out of frame. CUT TO: INT. TREASURED CHEST STRIP BAR - MOMENTS LATER 0.5. They look to see- -Frank, standing up from a seat in a dark corner, a pile of ashes sifting off his lap. FRANK All monkey tramps dance on Paragon’s lap. POOL PLAYER 1 Hey, that guy disintegrated Jasmine! (CONTINUED) 30.

C CONTINUED: The pool player runs at Frank with his cue. Frank lowers his glasses and DISINTEGRATES him mid-stride. POOL PLAYER 2 HEY! The second pool player grabs a billiard ball from the table and THROWS it. Frank ducks, then lowers his glasses and ZAPS him, too. The stripper on the runway screams. Frank turns and looks up at her. FRANK I’1l1 teach you inferior women to reject PARAGON. He reaches for his glasses. HEAT VISION CRASHES through the bar’s Styrofoam wall. Jack is riding him, with the Sheriff on the back. They both leap off the bike. The Sheriff is holding Jack’s cosmic boombox device. Jack instructs her. JACK Wait til his glasses are off. (to everyone) Nobody look at this man! Frank is upset to see Jack again, FRANK Paragon will DESTROY you. Jack reaches 0.S5. and vanks the stripper’s top off. He ties it around his eyes like a ninja’s blindfold. They run at each other and clash in a flurry of mutually blocked Jackie Chan swipes. Frank ends the exchange by SHOVING Jack backward. They go at it again, grappling each other in a Star Trek style battle. HEAT VISION Come on, Jack! Take him out, buddy! A DRUNK at the bar chimes in. DRUNK 1 Go, Paragon! (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: (2) The DRUNK next to him shouts out: DRUNK 2 Get ‘im, Jack! The customers in the bar all begin shouting out one name or the other. Unseen to anyone else, RON SILVER walks through the hole left in the wall by Heat Vision. Seeing Jack, he walks briskly across the bar, a determined look on his face. Frank punches Jack across the jaw. Jack punches Frank across the jaw, then the gut. Then, with a devastating hook, KNOCKS FRANK’S GLASSES off. Wasting no time, Jack, still blindfolded, gets behind Frank and holds his arms. JACK Now! The Sheriff prepares to move in with the boom box device when she sees RON SILVER walk past her. He’s heading for Jack, drawing a HUMONGOUS SPACE GUN from a shoulder holster. With no time to think, the Sheriff SMASHES the boom box over Ron Silver’s head. Stunned, Ron squeezes off a shot with the hand cannon. An EXPLOSIVE round flies into the top of the stripper pole, detaching it from the ceiling in a cascade of sparks. Ron falls to the floor, knocked out. The boom box falls next to him, shattered into useless pieces. Jack, blindfolded, is confused. JACK (cont’d) What’s going on? Eyes glowing, Frank RIPS away from Jack in a burst of anger. He grabs Jack and THROWS him across the bar. Jack hits the bottom of the stripper pole, knocking it out of the runway. The DJ cowers as one end of the pole SPEARS his sound system in another shower of sparks. (CONTINUED) 32.

CONTINUED: (3) Jack hits the runway and slides to a stop on his back. Dazed, he pulls down his bra blindfold. Frank steps onto the runway, smiling, eyes glowing. The Sheriff runs at Frank. Jack calls out to her. JACK (cont’d) DON’T LOOK AT HIM! Frank looks at the Sheriff. She closes her eyes. He shoves her easily out of the way. He starts heading for Jack. Jack looks at the stripper pole. One end is at his feet. The other is anchored in the sparking sound system. Without looking, Jack KICKS the other end of the pole toward the approaching Frank. Frank catches it. Jack looks at the freaked out DJ. JACK (cont’d) PRESS RECORD! The DJ hits RECORD on the tape deck. Frank’'s eyes glow bright. He starts shaking. He glows green. FRANK’S ENTIRE BODY DISINTEGRATES, then SHOOTS through the pole into the tape deck in a massive, affordable finale. All is quiet again. The DJ ejects the smoking tape from the deck and holds it up, looking at Jack. DJ Do you want me to label this? EXT. TREASURED CHEST STRIP BAR - MOMENTS LATER Two strippers are sitting on Heat Vision while a friend takes a picture. They bounce up and down, giggling. HEAT VISION (chuckling) Oooookay. You have no idea what you’'re doing. (CONTINUED) 33.

CONTINUED: Jack and the Sheriff walk toward the bike. Jack hands her the tape. JACK I trust you know what to do with this. SHERIFF Oh, I think so. (beat) Where will you go now, Jack Austin? The strippers get off of Heat Vision. JACK Somewhere. Everywhere. Anywhere but here. SHERIFF I handcuffed Ron Silver to the bar. I can arrest him, expose NASA, you’ll be safe. He scoffs at the notion. JACK You know, I’ve been doing this for a while, now. In the past, I've tried to tell my story to journalists, I've tried to make friends, I’ve tried to open up to women. (cracking) They’ve died. All of them. (swallowing) After a while, I figured out that if I stopped caring and started moving, I could be saving lives instead of snuffing them. Let Ron go. Let him follow me. You can’t beat him with the system, he is the system. SHERIFF But you haven’t done anything wrong. It doesn’t make sense. JACK Remember. I’'m a lot smarter than you. And it makes sense to me. He kisses her and climbs onto his bike. HEAT VISION You again. JACK Let’s go, Heat Vision. We’re burning daylight. (CONTINUED) 34,

3S. CONTINUED: (2) Heat revs his engine. Jack looks at the Sheriff while he puts on his shades. JACK (cont’d) So long, Sheriff. SHERIFF So long, Jack. Heat Vision zooms away. The Sheriff watches him disappear. She smiles, shakes her head and looks at the tape. SHERIFF (cont’d) Case closed. She throws the tape into a public garbage can. As she heads back into the stripper bar, a homeless man starts digging through the can. CUT TO: INT. TREASURED CHEST STRIP BAR She draws her gun as she enters the trashed bar. SHERIFF Alright, Silver, now you’re go- Her handcuffs are dangling from the metal pole that runs the length of the bar. Silver is gone. She looks around the club, worried. CUT TO: EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY Ron Silver speeds down the road in a black sedan, talking on a cell phone. RON SILVER No, sir. Yes sir. I'm right behind him, as we speak. No, I can’t see him, I just mean I’m one step behind him. Yes, sir, I will. You can count on it. He hangs up the phone. RON SILVER (cont’d) You can count on it. CUT TO:

36. EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY Jack ZOOMS down the desert road, wind in his hair, regret in his eyes. The Firm’'s I’m Radioactive begins anew. We are treated to several moody shots of Jack riding across North America as the Ted Knight guy takes us out: NARRATOR (V.0.) Having vanquished another strange and entertaining opponent, our hero continues on toward his own horizon. Unfortunately, due to our planet’s spherical shape, his horizon will never get closer. Perhaps just by standing still, we travel farther than the heroces we observe. However, 1 don’t see any of us fighting evil aliens, so let’s all tune in next week for another exciting episode of Heat Vision and Jack. FADE TO BLACK. END