NBC TELEVISION STUDIO THE IT CROWD “Pilot” Created by Graham Linehan Adapted by Joe Port & Joe Wiseman and Moses Port & David Guarascio NBC Universal Television Studio REV NETWORK DRAFT 100 Universal City Plaza December 19, 2006 Bldg. 1320 Suite 4M Universal City, CA 91608 COPYRIGHT © 2006 NBC STUDIOS, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. NOT TO BE DUPLICATED WITHOUT PERMISSION. This material is the property of NBC Studios, Inc. and is intended solely for use by its personnel. The sale, copying, reproduction or exploitation of this material in any form is prohibited. Distribution or disclosure of this material to unauthorized persons is also prohibited.

ACT ONE SCENE A INT, DENHOLM'S QFFICE - DAY WE PULL BACK FRCM A PHOTO OF DENHCLM HANGING ON THE WALL TO REVEAL DENHOIM HIMSELF, SITTING AT HIS DESK IN THE EXACT POSE AND ATTIRE AS THE PHOTO. ACROSS FROM HIM SITS JEN. DENHOLM Hope this doesn't embarrass you, Jen, but I the best thing to do with a new employee is to size them up with a long hard stare. HE STARES AT HER FOR AN UNCOMFORTABLY LONG TIME, THEN : DENHOLM (CONT'D) so! JEN So. DENHOLM First day? JEN Yes. DENHOLM Scary. JEN Yes.

DENHOLM Don't be scared. JEN Well, I'm not really scared. DENHOLM You should be. JEN Well, I'm a little bit scared. DENHOLM Well, don't be. JEN Make up your mind. DENHOLM AND JEN SHARE A LAUGH. DENHOLM So, here you are. JEN Yes, really forward to getting to grips with-- DENHOLM I'm going to put you in I.T. because you said on your resume that you have a lot of experience with computers. JEN (BEAT) I did say that on my resume yes. (MORE)

JEN (CONT'D) I've got lots of experience of the whole computer thing, you know em-ails, sending e-mails, receiving em-ails and deleting e-mails. Um, I could go on. DENHOLM Do. JEN The web. Using mouse. Mouses, using mice. Um -- clicking, double clicking the computer screen of course. The keyboard, the thing that goes on the floor down there. DENHOLM The hard drive. JEN Correct. DENHOLM Aha, well you certainly seem to know your stuff, that's settled. Got a good feeling about you Jen and they need a new manager. JEN Oh fantastic. So, the people I'll be working with, what are they like?

DENHOLM Top notch, the best, you're going to love them. JEN Wow, great. DENHOLM Just kidding, they're barely human. I'm a £flip flopper, Jen. You'll learn that about me. Love the flip flop. Love it. AND WE... DISSOLVE TO:

ACT ONE SCENE B INT, IT QFFICE - DAY SITS AT HIS DESK. g SFX: PHONE RINGING IGNORING THE RINGING PHONE, ROY TAKES A DRINK FROM A PLASTIC CUP, FINISHES OFF A MUFFIN, THEN INDIVIDUALLY LICKS EACH OF HIS FINGERS. FINALLY, HE ANSWERS THE PHONE. ROY (INTO PHONE) Hello I.T., have you tried turning it off and on again?... Okay well the button on the side is it glowing? Yeah we're going to need to turn it on. The button turns it on. Yeah, yeah... SFX: PHONE RINGS THE PHONE AT ANOTHER DESK BEGINS RINGING. ROY (CONT'D) (INTO PHONE) Well, you just press it and -- how were you able to dial this number? MOSS ENTERS AND TOSSES ROY A MUFFIN BEFORE TAKING A SEAT AS HIS DESK. MOSS THEN ANSWERS HIS PHONE.

MOSs (INTO PHONE) Hello I.T. Yeah aha. Have you tried forcing an unexpected reboot? ROY (STILL ON PHONE) No, no there you go. No there you go I just heard it come on. No, no that's the music you hear when it comes on. ©No that's the music you hear when... I'm sorry are you from the past? MOSS (ON PHONE) You see the driver hooks the function by patching the system call table, so it's not safe to unload it unless another thread's about to jump in there and do it's stuff (STARTS TO GIGGLE) and you don't want to end up in the middle of invalid memory LOL- LOL-LOL. Hello? ROY (ON PHONE) Oh really? Really, well why don't you come down here and make me then. Huh? What you think I'm afraid of you? I'm not afraid of you. What's your name? (MORE)

ROY (CONT'D) Okay, Emily, you come down here any time and I'11 be waiting for you. (HANGS UP PHONE, THEN TO MOSS) Oh God it's about time you got back. It's been crazy down here. You had a job? ROY Girl on fifth. MOSS Did you and her hit if off? ROY Define it off.’ MOSS Did she continue talking to you once you'd fixed her computer? ROY No. And while I was working on it she rested a cup on my back. MOSS No. ROY Yes. HE TURNS TO REVEAL A COFFEE RING ON HIS BACK. MOSS Unbelievable.

ROY Yeah I mean they've no respect for us up there. ©No respect whatsoever. I mean we're cool. MOSS Totally. RQOY I play the sax. MOSS I went on an airplane by myself. ROY They don't even give us a chance. MOSS I wore my wings all day and no one said a word. ROY It's like they're buddy buddy when there's a problem with their printer but once it's fixed... MOSS They toss us away like yesterday's jam. ROY Yes. Yesterday's jam. That is what we are to them. SFX: PHONE RINGS ROY'S PHONE RINGS.

ROY (CONT'D) You know actually that doesn't really work as a thing. Because jam lasts for ages. (PICKS UP PHONE) Hello I.T., have you tried turning it off and on again? AND WE... DISSOLVE TO:

10. ACT ONE SCENE_C INT. OFFICE / INT. UNISEX BATHROOM - DAY DENHOLM ESCORTS JEN AROUND THE OFFICE. THEY WANDER PAST A UNISEX BATHROOM DOCR. JEN Unisex bathrooms. You have unisex bathrooms. Like Ally McBeal. JEN OPENS THE BATHROOM DOOR REVEALING A YOUNG COUPLE MAKING OUT ON THE BATHROOM SINK. SHE CLOSES THE DOOR AND RETURNS TO DENHOLM. DENHOLM That's the sort of place this is, Jen. A lot of sexy people not doing much work and having affairs. JEN NOTICES A NEARBY WINDOW AND RUSHES OVER TO PEER ouT. JEN Wow. Oh my God lock at that view. {(APPROACHES WINDOW) I feel like I'm on top of the world. SFX: ELEVATOR DING THE ELEVATOR DINGS AND DENHOLM MOTIONS FOR JEN TO ENTER IT, SHE DOES. DENHOLM Well Jen, this is where I leave you.

AUTOMATED ELEVATOR VOICE Floor thirty-four. JEN Okay, where am I going? DENHOLM All the way down to the basement. Good luck. AS WE PAN DOWN THE ELEVATOR BUTTONS TO THE RUSTED, BURNED-OUT !'BASEMENT' BUTTON FLICKERING ON AND OFF, WE... TO: 11.

12. ACT ONE SCENE D INT, BASEMENT - MOMENTS LATER THE ELEVATOR DOORS JUST ENOUGH FOR JEN TO SQUEEZE HER WAY OUT OF THEM. JEN ENTERS THE HALLWAY. IT'S IN STARK CONTRAST TO THE IDYLLIC WORLD UPSTAIRS. AUTOMATED ELEVATOR VOICE Please get out now. Please get out now. Please get out now. Please get out now. Please get out now.. JEN WANDERS PAST A UNISEX BATHROOM AND OPENS THE DOOR TO SEE AN UNSIGHTLY POSTMAN ON THE TOILET IN MID-WIPE POSE. POSTMAN a sec. JEN QUICKLY CLOSES THE DOOR. JEN Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh God. Okay. AS JEN STUMBLES FORWARD IN HORROR, STEAM SHOOTS OUT OF A NEARBY VENT. RESET TO: INT. IT OFFICE CONTINUQUS JEN ENTERS THE OFFICE. JEN Hello? Hello? AS SHE TAKES A LOOK AROUND, UNBEKNOWNST TO HER, ROY AND MOSS ENTER FROM A SIDE ROOM AND STOP IN THEIR

TRACKS UPON SEEING HER. ROY TAKES OUT A STICK OF DEODORANT AND PUTS SOME ON THE UNDERARMS OF HIS SHIRT, HIS FACE AND MOSS CHECKS HIS TONGUE IN A MIRROR. THEY BOTH RETREAT BACK FROM WHERE THEY CAME AND RE-ENTER. ROY And so I had no choice but to wrestle the alligator to the ground and kill it with my bare hands. MOSS Which is when I nursed it back to life with my bare hands. ROY GIVES MOSS A LOOK, THEN MOVES ON. ROY (NOTICING JEN) Oh, hello. ROY RESTS HIS ARM ON HIS DESK CHAIR. IT ROLLS AND HE FALLS TO THE GROUND. HE STANDS BACK UP, NOW WITH BLOOD DRIPPING FROM HIS HEAD. JEN Are you alright? ROY Fine, fine. What can we do for you? JEN I'm the new head of this department. (RE: SIDE OFFICE) 1Is this my office? JEN EXITS INTO THE SIDE OFFICE. ROY Why? What did she? Did she just say wha... I am the head of this department. 13.

MOSS I thought I was. ROY Well, it's one of usg, certainly not her. I'm going to sort this out. ROY MAKES HIS WAY OVER TO JEN'S OFFICE. MOSS Good idea. (HOLDING OUT PAPER) When you're done, could you ask her to sign my timecard? ROY EXITS INTO JEN'S OFFICE. RESET TO: INT. JEN'S OFFICE - CONTINUQUS ROY ENTERS. JEN S8ITS AT HER DESK. ROY I don't want to be rude or anything but I wasn't informed of any changes to this department. JEN Ch, did they not tell you about me? ROY No and we are perfectly fine down here thank you very much, we're more than capable of taking care of ourselves. JEN Sure, sure. You know you're covered in blood. 14.

ROY Lock, the point is, you're not the boss of us. We're the boss of us. MOSS POKES HIS HEAD IN. MOSS Excuse me, madam supervisor. May I bring my nephew in next Friday? DISSOLVE TO: 15.

ACT ONE SCENE E INT. JEN'S QFFICE - LATER - DAY JEN SITS AT HER DESK, CHECKING HER HAIR FOR SPLIT ENDS. THERE'S A KNOCK ON THE DOOR. JEN PUTS THE PHONE TO HER EAR, AS THOUGH IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATICN. JEN Come in. MQOSS ENTERS. JEN (CONT'D) (INTO PHONE} Yeah Denholm, yeah, vyeah, no, no, no, no, no, no they've been fine so far. Yeah I think we're going to get on great. Yeah I know. Alright then, no you take care. Alright yeah I will yeah. (LAUGHS, THEN HANGS UP THE PHONE) Yes, what can I do for you? MOSS Hello, I was just wondering do you want me to connect up your phone? JEN (A BEAT, CAUGHT, THEN) (MORE)

JEN (CONT'D) No, no, no, no, no, no it's working. Um, I was just talking to Denholm there. MOSS But how? MOSS PICKS UP THE PHONE REVEALING THERE ARE NO CORDS GOING INTO IT. JEN Would you mind... would you mind closing the door for me? Oh yeah, sure. MOSS CLOSES THE DOOR. JEN Yeah, from the other side. MOSS OPENS THE DOOR AND STEPS OUT OF THE OFFICE. MOSS Of course. Like this? JEN That's it. MOSS With me on the... JEN Thanks. MOSS CLOSES THE DOOR. INT, IT OFFICE - CONTINUQUS MOSS IS THERE. RESET TO: 17.

MOSS (FINALLY GETTING IT) Oh! ROY ENTERS. MOSS (CONT'D) How's your head? ROY Fine. The nurse said I didn't do myself any serious damage. MOSS (IMPRESSED) The nurse talked to you? ROY I was upgrading her monitor. (RE: JEN'S OFFICE) What are we going to do about this one? MOSS She's a toughie. She said Frederick could come, but that he had to leave by lunch. now I just went in and she was having a pretend conversation. ROY Really? MOSS Yes, she's a little bit weird to say the least. MOSS SPRAYS SOMETHING IN HIS EAR. ROY What's that?

MOSS Oh just water. Sometimes I get a hot ear and this helps cool it down. She's quite the oddball. Did you notice how she didn't even get excited when she saw this original ROY Yeah that was weird. It's almost as if she doesn't know anything about computers. MOSS What? MOSS DROPS HIS MUG, SHATTERING IT. ROY What are you doing? MOSS GRABS ANOTHER MUG. MOSS Oh, don't worry, that's why I always make two cups of tea. Anyway what were we talking about? ROY Ch, her not knowing anything about computers. MOSS What? MOSS DROPS HIS MUG, SHATTERING IT. END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO SCENE F INT. JEN'S OFFICE - DAY JEN HOLDS HER EAR UP TO HER OFFICE DOOR. ROY (0.8.) We definitely want to get rid of her. MOSS (0.S.) Agreed, yeah. RESET TO: INT. IT OFFICE - CONTINUOUS ROY AND MOSS ARE THERE. ROY Okay, so here's the plan. We go in, I make up a load of crap about computers and we'll see if she picks up on it. MOSS Go on. ROY That's it. MOSS Uh-huh. In Britain the word refers to a scheme or idea that's more thought out. What does it mean here? 20.

ROY Just let me do the talking. THE TWO APPROACH JEN'S OFFICE, ROY STOPS MOSS. ROY (CONT'D) Oh Moss, Moss. Okay, we need to get this right. We need to stay calm. We do not want to go in there half cocked. MOSS LAUGHS AT FLOYD'S CHOICE OF WORDS. ROY (CONT'D) Okay, get it out. Get it out. MOSS COMPOSES HIMSELF AND THEY EXIT TO JEN'S OFFICE. RESET TO: INT, JEN'S OFFICE - CONTINUQUS JEN IS TYPING AT HER COMPUTER AS ROY AND MOSS ENTER. JEN (RE: TYPING) Hang on guys. (THEN) How can I help? ROY Well we were just wondering now that you're the 'bosg' would you like us to access the data supplier and connect you up to the matrix? JEN You just made that all up. ROY You don't know anything about computers, admit it! 21.

JEN Will you stop trying to undermine me! Now get in there and do some work to do with computers! I'll be in there in a minute to check up on you! MOSS BEGINS CRAWLING ON THE FLOOR. ROY Okay lady, you've won this round! But we can walt! You will slip up one day believe you me! We will be there when you do! There will be some piece of evidence that will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that you don't know anything about computers! JEN {TO MOSS) What are you doing? MOSS STANDS UP WITH COMPUTER CORD IN HAND. MOSS Plugging in your computer. ROY It might be something you say or something you do, but when we notice it, and believe me we will notice it, it's going to be a long way down for you, sweet cheeks -- did you just plug in her computer? AND WE... cuT TO:

ACT TWO SCENE G RECEPTION AREA - LATER IT'S THE RECEPTION AREA OUTSIDE OF DENHOLM'S OFFICE. THERE ARE TWO GORGEQUS RECEPTIONISTS SITTING AT DESKS, TYPING BUSILY ON THEIR COMPUTERS. RQY, MOSS AND JEN ENTER. JEN What are you going to tell him? ROY That you're a fraud and that you have no idea what you're doing. JEN Did I overstate my gualifications? Maybe. That's called being a good manager. I learned that at business school. MOSS You went to business school? JEN It's on my resume. ROY APPROACHES ONE OF THE RECEPTIONISTS. ROY Excuse me. SHE CONTINUES TYPING, IGNORING HIM. 23.

ROY (CONT'D) (EXTRA POLITE) Excuse me, we're here to see Mr. Denholm. MANDY THE RECEPTIONIST LOOKS UP AND NOTICES ROY. MANDY Oh, no, my computer's fine, thank you. SHE RETURNS TO TYPING. ROY REACTS. ROY No, we're here -- MANDY {TO OTHER RECEPTIONIST) Judy, did you call about your computer? JUDY No, I'm all good, Mandy. MANDY Judy's all good. Thanks again. ROY (GETTING ANNOYED) No, we have an appointment. We called earlier. MANDY ("CALM DOWN") Alright, sir, take a seat, and I'll check. You know, you get a lot further with a smile. MANDY CROSSES QFF. ROY, MOSS AND JEN TAKE A SEAT. MOSS right you know. INTERNAL DISSOLVE TO:

INT. RECEPTION AREA - ONE HOUR LATER ROY, MOSS AND JEN ARE STILL SEATED. ROY GETS UP. ROY This is ridiculous. ROY CROSSES TO MANDY THE RECEPTIONIST. ROY (CONT'D) (SWEETLY) Excuse me. We've been walting almost an hour now. MANDY Oh, are you done fixing the computer? ROY No-- we've been waiting to see Denholm. MANDY Judy, do you know anything about this? JUDY CHECKS SOMETHING ON HER COMPUTER. JUDY Well... he's got a meeting at three, but they're an hour late -- ROY That's us! We're the meeting at three! JuDY Oh. (TO MANDY) Is there something wrong with his computer? MANDY I wasn't told about that. AS ROY ROLLS HIS EYES, WE... DISSOLVE TO: 25,

ACT TWO CEN. INT, DENHOIM'S OFFICE - LATER ROY, MOSS AND JEN SIT IN FRONT OF DENHOLM'S DESK. JEN I cannot believe you're going to tell on me. You're like a pair of horrible old women. MOSS What did she say? ROY She said we're like horrible old women. MOSS She DENHOLM ENTERS AND MAKES HIS WAY TO HIS DESK. DENHOLM Hey guys. I hear you've got something to tell me. ROY Yes, well it's like this. DENHOLM Look at you, my I.T. team. ROY Yeah-- 26.

DENHOLM Team players each and every one of you. ROY Yeah, well she has-- DENHOLM There's no room for people who can't act in a team on my team. THE PHONE RINGS, DENHOLM SITS AND HIS DESK AND ANSWERS IT. DENHOLM (CONT'D) Excuse me. (INTO PHONE) Hello? What? Well if you can't work as a team you're all fired. That's it you heard me fired. Get your things and go. (PRESSES BUTTON ON PHONE) Hello security? Everyone on floor four is fired. Escort them from the premises and do it as a team. Remember you're a team and if you can't act as a team you're fired too! (PRESSES BUTTON ON PHONE) Dawn, call HR. Get them to look for a security team that can work as a team. They may have to escort the current security team from the building for not acting like a team. (HANGS UP PHONE) (MORE)

DENHOLM (CONT'D} Team. Team. Team. Team. Team. Team. I even love saying the word team. (RE: FRAMED PHOTO ON DESK) You probably think that's a picture of my family. (HOLDS IT UP) Uh, uh. It's the A- Team. Bodie, Doyle, Tiger, the Jewelry Man, the whole lot of them. So what do you want to tell me? Well, it's just not working out! ROY JOVIALLY PUTS MOSS IN A HEADLOCK. ROY He's joking. MOSS But you said-- DENHOLM Not working out? ROY Oh, no! We're getting along great, great! JEN Yes. MOSs My ear's getting hot. STILL IN THE HEADLOCK, STRUGGLES TO SPRITZ HIS

ROY You know what we should leave now because, you know, you're a busy man and we've taken up far too much of your time. Jen, could you just get the door for me there? THE THREE MAKE THEIR WAY TO THE DOOCR. JEN Absolutely, Roy. DENHOLM So why did you come here in the first place? ROY (2 BEAT) Um... we set up a voice activation system on your computer. I think you're going to enjoy it. It might just take a little while to get the pitch right on the voice, but none the less, go ahead. Thank you very much, bye, bye. ROY, MOSS AND JEN EXIT. DENHOLM Thank you. How exciting. (SADDLING UP TO COMPUTER) Hello. Hello computer. Hello. (INTO MOUSE} Hello. Hello computer. CUT TO:

ACT TWO SCENE J INT T QFFICE - DAY ROY, MOSS AND JEN ENTER. ROY AND MOSS TAKE A SEAT AT THEIR DESKS. ROY But what good are you? You cbviously don't know anything about computers. JEN No okay, but I can learn. You know, I mean for example Moss you could take me through what you're doing right now. MOSS 1'd be delighted. I'm just working on a very simple piece of programming code. .. SFX: WHITE NOISE THE SOUND OF WHITE NOISE OVERWHELMS THE AUDIO AND PREVENTS US FROM HEARING WHAT MOSS SAYS. JEN I see. (THEN) Oh god no I'm lying again. (MORE) 30.

JEN (CONT'D) I didn't understand any of that, T don't know anything about computers. I mean I'm absolutely useless to you, I might as well pack up and go home. A WOMAN ENTERS THE OFFICE. WOMAN Hi. Is Roy around? ROY Hello there little lady. (APPROACHES) Are you lost? How can I help you? I'm Roy. SHE PUNCHES ROY IN THE STOMACH, SENDING HIM TO THE FLOOR. SHE CONTINUES TO BEAT HIM. EMILY You wanted me to come down huh? Well here I am. ROY (0.S.) (ON THE FLOOR) Oh not the face! Not the face! SHE BEGINS HITTING ROY WITH HER HIGH HEELS LIKE A HAMMER. EMILY Yes, well maybe this will teach you to treat people with a little bit of respect. 31.

ROY (0.8.) Your name isn't by chance Emily, is it? JEN (RE: HEELS) ©Oh my God, are those Manolos? EMILY (STOPS BEATING) Oh yes. JEN Ch, they're gorgeous. Were they expensive? EMILY No, no, no got them on sale. JEN You're so smart. I'm never lucky enough to get a bargain like that. JEN ESCORTS EMILY TO THE DOOR. EMILY Well, I should take you shopping. JEN Yeah, no that would be fun. EMILY Fantastic. Oh give you a call. Nice to meet you. EMILY EXITS. JEN Take care. 32.

ROY (0.8.) Nice meeting you! MOSS Chairman Wow. You just defused that entire situation. JEN What situation? Er, oh that, yeah, oh my God does that happen a lot? They're fairly regular the beatings, ves. say we're on a bi-weekly beating. ROY (0.8.) Oh, it's not all that bad. MOSS Oh, come on Roy, it's -- it's pretty bad. JEN (WITH GROWING EXCITEMENT) Maybe I could help with this. You know, I mean I am a people person and people like you need a person to deal with people. A people person like me. Oh my god, ldeas are coming, things are happening here. (MORE) 33.

JEN (CONT'D) Okay, okay what would you say yeah, if I told you that I had a plan to raise your profile upstalrs by one hundred percent, what would you say? MOSS It can't be done, you're crazy. JEN What do you think Roy? Roy's passed out. Okay, I need a felt tip pen and some paper. MUSIC CUE: "THE A-TEAM" THEME WE SEE A MONTAGE OF: - THE THREE OF THEM BEGIN TRYING TC CONSTRUCT SOMETHING WITH PAPER AND A FELT TIP PEN. - PAPERS GET THROWN OUT IN FRUSTRATION. REPEATED ATTEMPTS ARE MADE WITHOUT SUCCESS. - FINALLY, LOOKS OF ACCOMPLISHMENT OVERTAKE THEM AND WE SEE A SIGN ON THE WALL THAT READS: "PARTY - I.T. DEPT. -~ 5:45 TODAY" 1IT IS ADORNED WITH CRUDELY DRAWN STICK FIGURES HAVING A PARTY. CUT TO: 34.

ACT SCENE XK IT OFFICE - ILATER AN OFFICE PARTY IS IN FULL SWING. EVERYONE IS HAVING A GOOD TIME. GIRL I don't know why we don't go out with you I.T. guys more often. You're hilarious. ROY Yes, we are. JEN Well, you guys should come down here more often, you know. You should see this as a new era for Ridgefield Industries. ROY (MOCKING JEN) New era for Ridgefield Industries. (THEN) Oh God, do you want to know what? If you want to hear something really funny -- a really really funny story -- you should hear what happened to Moss and I when we (MORE)

ROY (CONT'D) were so drunk in Atlantic City that Moss lost his glasses. Moss! Moss! MOSS ENTERS FROM THE BACK ROOM. ROY (CONT'D) Come here, come here. Tell them that story about when we were drunk in Atlantic City. MOSS Really? ROY Yeah, yeah, yeah oh this is awesome. Oh this is a great story you're going to love it. I'm just going to get box of wine. ROY EXITS. OFFICE WORKER Well, let's hear it. MOSS TAKES CENTER STAGE. MOSS Alright. Well one night we were really drunk. OFFICE WORKER Yeah. MOSS And we were so drunk that we decided to hire prostitutes. 36.

JEN DOES A SPIT TAKE AND THE LAUGHTER IN THE ROOM COMES TO A HAULT. MOSS {CONT'D) But when they arrived at the hotel we were too scared to do anything so we brought them to a fair. They were really nice. In the end they only charged us half, but we did have to pay for all the rides. THE PARTY REACTS WITH STUNNED SILENCE. ROY ENTERS STILL IN GREAT SPIRITS. ROY Ha, ha isn't that just the best story? (NOTICING STARES) What? MOSS You told me never to tell that story to anyone. ROY Well, what are you talking about that's a great story -- and then you nearly walked off the boardwalk. Has he got to that part with the life-guard? MOSS (DAWNING) Oh! You mean the story where I lost my glasses. ROY Yes. What story did you think I meant? (MORE)

Moss? say?! ROY (CONT'D) (SHAKING MOSS) What did you What did you say?! DISSOLVE TO: 38.

ACT TWO SCENE L INT. IT OFFICE - LATER ROY, MOSS AND JEN SIT IN POST PARTY GLOOM. JEN It's alright for you two, you're used to being social pariahs. I'm a very popular person usually. ROY That girl earlier that tried to beat me to death with her shoes. Did anybody get her number? MOSS That was a nice day at the fair, wasn't it? With Brandy and Crystal. THE PHONE RINGS, JEN ANSWERS. JEN (INTO PHONE) Hello I.T. Yeah have you tried turning it off and on again? DISSOLVE TO:

TAG WE SEE A SLIDE SHOW FROM ROY AND MOSS' THE FAIR WITH THE PROSTITUTES. - RIDING ON SCARY RIDES TOGETHER. - ON THE BUMPER CARS. - EATING COTTON CANDY AND PIZZA ETC. INT. DENHOIM'S QFFICE - EVENING DENHOLM FACES UP TO HIS COMPUTER. DENHOLM {(TO COMPUTER) Hello! Hello! Hello! FADE OUT. END QO HOW FUN DAY AT Hello! CUT TO: 40.