MONK Pilot Episode by Andy Breckman May 1, 2001

D MONK PILOT EPISODE: "Mr. Monk Meets The Candidate" INT. LOFT - HOBOKEN, NEW JERSEY - DAY A YOUNG WOMAN has been murdered. Her body is on the floor. She lived in this loft, which is now a CRIME SCENE. What happene@ is obvious: she interrupted a burglary-in-progress. Chairs are overturned. Clothes are strewn everywhere. In the loft: a HALF DOZEN UNIFORMS & DETECTIVES, a PHOTOGRAPHER, a FORENSIC UNIT. The ranking officer is LT. KIRBY, a sympathetic first-year homicide detective... But it’s not a typical crime scene. There’s no hubbub. NO ONE IS MOVING. NO TALKING. There'’'s no music. Just SILENCE... all watching a man. A detective. A great detective. ADRIAN MONK. Monk is dressed impeccably. As always, he wears only two colors: black & white. Monk is studying - "reading" - the room. It’s almost Zen-like. He paces around the loft. COPS deferentially step out of his way. Monk leans down and examines the body. Finally, he speaks. MONK The stove. LT. KIRBY Sir. 1It's over here. MONK No. I mean my stove. I think I left it on. Monk is accompanied - as always - by SHARONA FLEMING. Sharona is his Dr. Watson... his Gal Friday.. his partner... his right and left hand. We’ll soon see evidence of a larger-than-average temper and a larger-than-average heart.

SHARONA It’s okay. I checked it as we were leaving. Monk returns to the case. But he can’'t concentrate. MONK Are you sure? Did you turn the little knob- SHARONA Yes. : MONK The little knob? SHARONA The stove is off, Monk. Concentrate. LT. KELLY (interrupting) Excuse me, Mr. Monk? We figure burglary gone sour. Shé walks in, he panics, he grabs a knife from the kitchen- MONK No no no. This is no burglary. LT. KELLY It’s not? MONK He tried to make it look like one, but this guy was cold as ice. Monk indicates some BLOODY FOOTPRINTS. MONK (cont‘d) He was wearing slippers to avoid footprints- not something your neighborhood crackhead is prone to do. (*sensing" the room) He was waiting for her. LT. KELLY Waiting..? MONK For at least an hour. He was smoking. You can still smell it on the curtains. {sniffing) Menthols. Salems, possibly Newports. (resuming, to Sharona) Did you hear a click?

7 Sharona- exasperated- refuses to answer. MQONK Because you have to hear a click- SHARONA I'm warning you, Monk. MONK Remember that time we left it on? LT. KELLY Excuse me, sir. Mr. Monk. Maybe she smoked. .. Monk indicates BIBLES and RELIGIOUS ICONS- including a portrait of JOHN CALVIN- on the walls. MONK No. She was a Dutch Calvinist. They don’t smoke. They consider their bodies a holy chalice. Then, after he killed, uh, Miss-? LT. KELLY (reading from notes) Nicole Vasques. Twenty five. Freelance fabric designer. MONK 0dd. I would have pegged her for a numbers person, maybe an accountant. She’s got the IRS Tax Code on her nightstand. Anyway, the killer was looking for something... LT. KELLY Looking for what? MONK I don’t know. He checked something on her computer. Maybe he erased a file. Check the harddrive. LT. KELLY We will. Anything else? MONK Yeah. He’s tall. Six-three, maybe six- four. Wow. The Cops exchange astonished glances.

MONK (resuming, to Sharona) What about the pilot light? It might've gone out... | SHARONA The pilot light is fine. MONK (cont’d) Because I think I smelled gas... i SHARONA (snapping) Do you want me to go all the way back to the apartment and check? 1Is that what you want? MONK No. (then) Would you? SHARONA Excuse me, gentlemen. Sharona pulls Monk aside. She talks to Monk sharply, as_if to _a hvperactive child. : SHARONA Look at me. Look at me. (Monk meets her gaze) Forget about the stove. on a job here. You’re a private consultant now. If they think you're crazy they won't hire you again. Do you understand? Don’t say anything. Just nod your head. Monk nods. SHARONA Now pull your twisted self together and forget about the stove and concentrate and be brilliant. Monk gulps. LT. KELLY Excuse me, sir. sure right. I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but how do you know all that? I mean, about the computer..? Monk indicates a computer workstation.

MONK No prints on the keyboard. Not even hers. The only explanation: he used it, then wiped them clean. LT. KELLY Sir? You said he was tall...? Monk indicates the workstation chair. 1It’'s in its lowest position. MONK The victim was short. Maybe five-four. But the chair’s been lowered almost all the way. Everyone considers this. They’re in awe. LT. KELLY You‘re right. We’ve been here all morning and nobody noticed it. 1IZf you can stick around, sir, we should have a confirmation on the time of death- MONK (frazzled; anxious to go) No, I'm sorry. have to go. I'm pretty sure I smelled gas. Monk leaves. SHARONA Gentlemen. You know where to find us. Sharona follows Monk out. After they’re gone... ROOKIE COP So that’s Adrian Monk. They’'re standing by a WINDOW. During this, we can SEE: Monk and . Sharona walking away. Monk compulsively touches every pole he passes with an outstretched pinky. ROOKIE COP The living legend. LT. KELLY If you call that living.

EXT. MIDTOWN PLAZA - POLITICAL RALLY _An.OFFICE PLAZA in lower Manhattan, surrounded - on at least three sides - by tall buildings. A POLITICAL RALLY is in _ progress. WARREN ST. CLAIRE, a folksy, outspoken billionaire (in the Ross Perot mold) is running for mayor... The event is choreographed by the campaign manager GAVIN LLOYD. Gavin gestures. A MARCHING BAND begins playing "Up Up And Away". A CROWD OF SUPPORTERS CHEER and WAVE BANNERS.. ON THE PODIUM: St. Claire steps up to the podium, flanked by TWO BURLY BODYGUARDS. His voice echoes around the open plaza... ST. CLAIRE You people sound like you'’'re ready for a change! Am I right or am I right? The CROWD CHEERS! NEARBY - LOADING DOCK A block away: in a deserted LOADING DOCK behind an OFFICE BUILDING. A MAN approaches a door marked: RESTRICTED. We’ll call him THE ASSASSIN. We NEVER SEE HIS FACE, just the SMOKE from his cigarette. He’s tall- at least 6’4". He's wearing gloves and plastic slippers over his boots. He's carrying a rifle case. There’s a SECURITY CAMERA above the door. The Assassin takes out a PAINT-BALL gun and - SPLAT! SPLAT! - blacks out the lens. The door is chained. The Assassin’s brought wire-cutters. RESUME - RALLY St. Claire continues. Sitting beside him is his strong-willed wife, MIRANDA. She. flashes a strained smile. - N MIRANDA ST. CLAIRE {(clenched teeth) Can I stop smiling yet? GAVIN LLOYD Not for another 20 years. Miranda, City Hall is just the beginning. I told your husband when I came on board: I am your Moses. I plan to lead you both to the Promised Land.

ST. CLAIRE (to crowd) Running as an independent in New York (:) won’t be easy. But allright. Flying 17 combat missions in the Gulf wasn't easy. Buying a fleet of mothballed and building them into a multinational airline wasn’'t easy. As my old man used to say: nobody ever drowned himself in his own sweat! The CROWD CHEERS! MIRANDA ST. CLAIRE (still forcing a smile) I'm getting lockjaw. WITH ASSASSIN - 23RD FLOOR Meanwhile the Assassin slips down a hall, commando-style. We STILL DON’T SEE HIS FACE. He reaches a corner office. It’s empty. Freshly painted. Down below: the rally continues. The Assassin nods. Perfect. — RESUME - RALLY - ST. CLAIRE And don’t forget: when you elect Warren St. Claire you’re getting two mayors for the price of one. My beautiful wife Miranda has been a tireless champion for the children of this city, and she’ll work even harder when she’s the next First Lady of New York. Miranda St. Claire! Miranda St. Claire cranks up her smile. She waves. The CROWD loves her! WITH ASSASSIN The Assassin has assembled his gun: a Weatherby Fibermark rifle. He positions himself at the window. He wraps the drawstring from the window blinds around the gun barrel to steady his aim... N

INTERCUT WITH: RALLY ST. CLAIRE I'm not just talking the talk- I'm ready to walk the walk! Are you ready to walk with me? The CROWD CHEERS! The BAND starts playing the campaign theme: "Up Up And Away". St. Claire and Miranda wave! ABOVE: the Assassin aims, squeezes the trigger- BLAM!- just as... St. Claire bends down to shake someone’s hand. The SHOT misses him by inches! The GUNSHOT echoes around the plaza! The Two Bodyguards race to protect St. Claire! FIRST BODYGUARD SHOTS FIRED! GET HIM OUTTA HERE! The second bodyguard (RONSTADT) pulls out a revolver but- BLAM!- he’s hit in the chest by the second bullet and collapses, dead. BAND LEADER GET DOWN! EVERYBODY GET DOWN! The MARCHING BAND scrambles! Some drop their instruments. Some carry their instruments with them. One YOUNG TRUMPET PLAYER is so into the music he doesn’t notice the crisis and continues playing. POLICEMAN (INTO RADIO) CODE 14, LAFAYETTE PLAZA! WE NEED AN AMBULANCE AND ALL ADDITIONAL UNITS! Gavin Lloyd points up - toward the window - at the sniper! St. Claire and his wife huddle, terrified... EXT. ESTABLISHING - ONE FIFTH AVENUE - MORNING Monk lives in a eighth-floor apartment in One Fifth Avenue, a stately landmark building in Greenwich Village. SHARONA (VO) "It was the first attempted assassination in New York in over thirty years..." INT. MONK’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS It’s the most orderly apartment we’ve ever seen. Hospital-white and hospital-clean and hospital-meticulous. Sparsely furnished. Everything modular and at perfect right angles. ]

Sharona sits at the kitchen table, reading the morning paper. SHARONA : "A department spokesman said the police have a number of promising leads, and are optimistic about an early arrest..." T T In other words, they have naught. 2ilch. Goose egg. Monk is at a kitchen cabinet, obsessively rearranging some cans and boxes. SHARONA You know what I think? MONK (amused) What do you think, detective? SHARONA I think the mayor did it. MONK The mayor?! Jesus, Sharona! ) SHARONA Or he was behind it, somehow. He found a convicted killer, and promised him an early parole- : MONK Why would he do that? SHARONA To eliminate the competition, Monk! Wake up. That’s how the world works. I bet they call us in on this. MONK We’ve already got a job, remember? The girl in Hobokan- Vasquez. SHARONA - So? You told me you used to work twenty cases at once. MONK I used to do a lot of things I don’t do anymore Monk’s eyes fall on a picture on the refrigerator: him and his late

MONK There's only one case that really matters. Everything else is just paying ~ rent. 5;) the Monk drops a can into the trash. SHARONA What are you doing? MONK It’'s dented. SHARONA Where? You can’t even see it! MONK I can’t help it. I am what I am. Do you want it? SHARONA 0f course I want it. (playfully) I'm not the mental case. Sharona drops the can into her purse. Then she takes another can and KNOCKS IT- sharply- against the counter. i) SHARONA (cont’d) N Oh lock. This one’s dented too. (bangs another can) This one, tooc. I don’t know why you shop at that place. Monk blocks the cabinet, protecting the other cans. INT. ONE POLICE PLAZA - CAPT. STOTTLEMEYER’S OFFICE - SAME TIME At Police HQ. Meet CAPTAIN LELAND STOTTLEMEYER, DEPUTY CHIEF OF DETECTIVES. A political animal. Vain. Ambitious. Enter Stottlemeyer’s overworked right hand man: LT. DISHER. . LT. DISHER St. Claire just issued a statement. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER Is he blaming us? LT. DISHER Not yet. | .10 -

/’\. P o KENNY BURGER, CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER He will eventually. Everybody does. We better say something too. Try to stay ahead of the curve. LT. DISHER Yes sir. Who do you want on camera? CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER I'll do it. Stottlemeyer discreetly checks his reflection in a mirror. He | loosens his tie, for that "I’ve been working all night" look. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER Anything on the shooter? Say ves. LT. DISHER The forensic boys are still on sight, but nothing so far... CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER All right. We can’t wait. I have to talk to St. Claire. Today. Face to face. Set it up. SECOND LIEUTENANT Incoming. Deputy Mayor. the city’s eager-beaver Deputy Mayor, steps up. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER Little Kenny Burger. What are you doing off your leash? DEPUTY MAYOR (grimly) The bodyguard didn’t make it. LT. DISHER Then it’s murder one. DEPUTY MAYOR The mayor’s on his way back from Washington. I don’t have to tell you, Chief, this is a PR nightmare. St. Claire’s already up eight points in the polls. If we don’t slamdunk this thing it's going to look like we’re not trying. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER I understand. 1I've already got every available man on the case. 11 --

\ DEPUTY MAYOR No you don't. (beat) The mayor wants you to call.. who. Stottlemeyer winces. you know CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER No. No. Not Monk. No. DEPUTY MAYOR The mayor thinks he can be a real asset here... I know the to work to Believe me CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER y're tight. I know they used gether. But that was four years ago, before Monk’s wife was killed. , he’s not the same man... EXT./INT. MONK’S CAR - MOMENTS LATER - MOVING Monk'’s face is rigid wit Red light. I see him! Sharona’s driving Monk’s beat-up old Oldsmobile. h fear. MONK Bus! Bus on the left! SHARONA Monk is the worst back seat driver in the world: he nervously watches every other car on the road. SHARONA I call it? The mayor you personally. MONK Yellow light! Yellow! What Hoboken case..? Forget it. The mayor. SHARONA asked for How sweet is that? about the We’ll tell them you’re too busy. This is the kind of case we want. TV. Front page. It can lead to a lot more jobs, if you’d just take a little credit for once and talk to the press- Blinker! MONK Use your blinker! 12

SHARONA I see him. Why don‘t you get a driver’'s licence so you can drive? MONK I have a license. - - You have a license? (Monk nods) Why didn’t you say anything? I've been chauffeuring you around for two years! § MONK Okay.. fine... pull over. 1I'll drive. | Sharona glances over, and sees: Monk unraveling. . SHARONA Never mind. 1I’11 drive. EXT. ST. CLAIRE BUILDING- STREET- DAY The St. Claire Airlines building. We see banners: ST. CLAIRE FOR MAYOR!.. THE MAN WITH THE PLAN- WARREN ST. CLAIRE! Sharona parks. They get out. A says: HANDICAPPED PARKING. MONK That’s a handicapped spot. SHARONA I think we qualify. The MAIN ENTRANCE is blocked by PRESS & TV CREWS. Monk hates crowds. He tenses. MONK Sharona, I can’t... SHARONA It's okay ... I got you ... Sharona throws an affectionate, protective arm around him. She leads through the mob. INT. LOBBY - CONTINUOUS Sharcona & Monk enter. Chief Stottlemeyer is waiting for them. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER (sotto, to ANOTHER COP) Well well well, the defective detective. 13 -

Monk bristles. MONK Chief. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER Monk. Sharona. 1 wanted to go over some ground rules before we went upstairs. I told you three years ago when I took your badge: nothing would give me more pleasure than to see you reinstated... but obviously not.. there yet. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER However the Mayor seems to think you‘re some sort of genius, so here we are. SHARONA Here we are. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER I just want to be clear: you're a .civilian now. You have cbserver status only. When we’re upstairs, I talk, you say nothing. Comprende? MONK Yes sir. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER Good. MONK I'm sure you and Karen will work things out. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER What? MONK You and your wife. You’ve been having some problems. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER Where did youhear that? We’re fine. Okay? ©One hundred per cent. MONK Yes sir. My mistake. never been happier to be wrong. Monk & Sharona start to walk away. 14 -

CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER Hey! Monk! (:) leaves Sharona. He steps up to Stottlemeyer. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER How..? MONK You missed a spot shaving. Karen would’ve caught it. Stottlemeyer feels his skin. MONK And your necktie. Karen always ties it for you and she uses a double slipknot. Conclusion: you dressed yourself. And- Monk indicates Chief coffee cup. It says RAMADA INN. Monk walks away. Stottlemeyer fumes. MONK Send her some roses, Chief. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER (smoldering) Remember. Upstairs. Not one word. INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - MOMENTS LATER Upstairs. A conference room. A buffet table, a bulle;in board. The cops are meeting with Warren & Miranda St. Claire, Gavin Lloyd and HANK BISHOP (the First Bodyguard from the rally). GAVIN LLOYD Absolutely unacceptable! I’'m not going to put my candidate in a box! . CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER We’'re not asking you to put anybody in a box, Mr. Lloyd. All we want is for Mr. St. Claire to limit his public - appearances. GAVIN LLOYD sure the mayor would love that! How convenient for him! Maybe we should run the whole campaign from the basement! During this, Monk is wandering around, unnoticed. He examines ashtrays, official documents, etc. 15 --

- ST. CLAIRE Now Gavin, that’s not fair. The Chief’s i just doing his job. ‘ - GAVIN LLOYD If he did his job, we wouldn’t be here. He put us in that plaza. Our first choice was Central Park, remember? But he wouldn’t give us a permit! (to Stottlemeyer) It was you! You sent us out there. Without enough cops- LT. DISHER There were two dozen uniform officers- | | GAVIN LLOYD I Surrounded by skyscrapers! IT WAS A DEATH TRAP! CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER (exasperated, to St. Claire) Sir, Mrs. St. Claire, if mistakes were made, we can can deal with them later. Right now, my only concern is your personal safety. ST. CLAIRE I never worry about my own hide, Chief. I can’'t afford to. I‘ve got an airline to run. GAVIN LLOYD Not to mention an election to win. ST. CLAIRE I refer you to my bodyguard, Hank Bishop. My hide is in his capable hands. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER (shaking hands) I knew Hank when he was playing on our team. How have you been? BISHOP I've had better weeks, sir. During this, Monk has noticed the bulletin board. There’s a MAP OF THE CITY on it, covered with HUNDREDS OF MULTI-COLORED LITTLE PINS. Monk- who hates disorder- moves one of the pins... CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER Sir, can you think of anyone who might ) want to do you harm? A disgruntled L =4 employee? Maybe a union official? 16 -

MIRANDA ST. (bitterly) Or an ex-wife. CLAIRE Or a business partner. You boys have your work cut out for you. Some people collect stamps. collects enemies. ST. CLAIRE My husband A man who hasn’t made any enemies hasn’t accomplished squat. I say what I think. Plenty of folk want to shut me up. LT. DISHER Any threatening mail? HANK BISHOP Some angry letters. Nothing" MIRANDA ST. My glass. SHARONA What’s wrong with it? MIRANDA ST. It’'s empty. Miranda pours herself a drink. St. Claire ST. CLAIRE Darling, do you need that? Miranda sighs and puts her drink down. specific. CLAIRE CLAIRE eyes her, concerned. Then she notices: Monk, is rearranging all the pins... into a neat, symetrical design. MIRANDA ST. CLAIRE Excuse me. MONK Just straightening up. GAVIN LLOYD You idiot! voting precinct! MONK I'm sorry. What are you doing? This map was color-coded by It took me weeks! MIRANDA ST. CLAIRE What department are you with? 17

@) CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER (embarrassed) Ah, this is Adrian Monk. He's no longer with the department. He's here as a private consultant. MONK worry. We're okay. Monk starts putting the push-pins back where they were. MIRANDA ST. CLAIRE No! Stop! You can’t possibly remember how it was! SHARONA Yes he can. : The bulletin board is the two-sided kind, that flips over. Miranda tries to flip the board over. Monk grabs the board. They have a momentary "tug of war"- she pressing down, he pulling up. Finally Monk lets go. The board flips around and WHACKS Miranda on her head! WHAM! A hundred push-pins go flying! MONK Sorry ... my fault ... Monk tries to correct himself: he swings the bulletin board back, which KNOCKS INTO Miranda- WHACK!- who STAGGERS BACKWARDS, into the BUFFET TABLE, spilling dishes and drinks. 100 push-pins are stuck in her hair. A stunned beat. Everyone surveys the damage. MONK No problem. INT. CONFERENCE ROOM- MOMENTS LATER Monk is carefully putting back every item exactly- I mean exactly- where it was. Across the room: the group watches, in awe. GAVIN LLOYD You say he’s no longer with the department. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER He was given a three-fifteen. MIRANDA ST. CLAIRE A what? 18 -

LT. DISHER Section 315. Psychological discharge. SHARONA (quickly) a temporary suspension. He's up for review in six months. MIRANDA ST. CLAIRE Is this a joke? Someone tries to assassinate my husband and you send in Rainman? CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER I can assure you, Mrs. St. Claire, as incredible as it sounds, Mr. Monk'’s involvement is an indication of just how seriously we’re taking the case. GAVIN LLOYD So he’s not.. you know.. Gavin gestures "crazy'. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER No. 1It’s a form of panic disorder. A lot of people have versions of it: claustrophobia, fear of heights, repeating certain rituals. Severe cases like.. like this.. are often triggered by a single traumatic incident. MIRANDA ST. CLAIRE What happened? Somebody hit him over the head with a shovel? SHARONA His wife was murdered four years ago. The group nods, sympathetically. MONK There. Everything - every single item - is exactly whe¥e it was. MONK Wait... Monk moves a pencil two inches. MONK ~ Now I’'d like to see where the shots where ) fired from. N 19

CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER Waste of time. The forensic boys have been there all day. It’'s 100 percent clean. MONK I'm sure you’'re right, Chief. But humor me. INT. OFFICE BUILDING- 23RD FLOOR- CORRIDOR- LATER Back in the office building the Assassin shot from. Stottlemeyer leads Lt. Disher, a UNIFORM COP, Monk and Sharona down the hall. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER No scuff marks or footprints. We figure he took his shoes off. MONK Or he wore slippers. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER (rolling eyes) Yeah, right. Slippers. With little bunny heads. MONK I was thinking surgical slippers. But your theory is interesting, too. Stottlemeyer bristles. INT. MIDTOWN OFFICE (SNIPER'S NEST)- MOMENTS LATER They enter the empty office. Monk goes into his "Monk trance". He walks around, "reading" the room. Sharona watches, proudly. SHARONA I love this part. When he does the "Zen Sherlock Holmes" thing. . Monk shifts position, studying the room from different angles. UNIFORM COP What's he CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER He’s looking for a clue so small the forensic boys didn’t notice it. SHARONA No. He's looking for a clue so small the bad guy didn‘t notice it. 20 -

\. < S Monk studies the window. He examines the blinds. The .is kinked and twisted. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER What? MONK He used the drawstring to steady his shot. I’'ve only seen it once before: in the field manual for the Green Berets, Special Forces. Lt. Disher jots down: Special Forces? LT. DISHER I'1) check it out. MONK . Chief. Could you come here. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER What for? MONK Just for a minute. Stottlemeyer reluctantly steps up to the window. MONK Hold this, like a rifle. drawstring He hands Stottlemeyer a yardstick. Stottlemeyer "aims" it out the window. Monk measures the kink in the drawstring against the "rifle". MONK How tall are you? CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER Six one. MONK He was taller. Six four, maybe six five. SHARONA Another pituitary case? CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER "Another"..? 21

Monk nods. SHARONA A girl was murdered yesterday in New Jersey. Hoboken Homicide called us in. LT. DISHER I read about that. That was a totally different M.O. . CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER You think they’re connected? CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER Why? Because he'’s tall? (sarcastically) Lieutenant, call the Knicks. See if Patrick Ewing has an alibi for yesterday. . MONK Chief, do you know the percentage of men over six foot three? CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER No. Do you? MONK Zero point five. The odds of two men in that category committing premeditated murder in the same geographical area within 24 hours of each other is astronomical. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER (exasperated, waving the cord) Because of this? A twisted venetian blind cord?! MONK That. And the slippers. And he smokes Newports. Monk grabs the curtains, sniffs them. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER You’re battier than a bullbat, you know that? MONK Maybe I am, Chief. That doesn’t change the fact: Mr. Big and Tall is out there, somewhere. He’s already killed two.. " (glancing out window) two.. people... and, uh.. 22

Monk looks down. They’re 23 stories high. Monk grabs a . steadies himself. He inhales. He exhales. Sharona explains: SHARONA Not good with heights. FIRST ACT BREAK : 23 -

INT. CHAPEL - DAY A memorial service is in progress. St. Claire is at the pulpit, delivering a eulogy. Nearby: the dead bodyguard (JASON RONSTADT) is lying in an open casket. ST. CLAIRE What can a man say about a friend who took a bullet that was meant for him? Mere words like "thank you" seem so hollow. The chapel is full. Among the mourners: Miranda, Gavin Lloyd, Chief Stottlemeyer and the BODYGUARD'S MOTHER, who'’s sobbing loudly. . ST. CLAIRE Mrs. Ronstadt, if your son could hear me, and I believe he can, I would tell him that his ultimate sacrifice was not in vain - that I will never give up - I will carry the torch all the way to city hall and fight for the issues that he believed in: job creation and real education reform... r/ In the balcony: Monk and Sharona sit by the railing, overlooking the open casket. SHARONA Can you believe this? He’s actually making a campaign speech! I think he did it. MONK What are you saying pnow? St. Claire hired someone to shoot himself? SHARONA . Why not? Even Warren St. Claire can’t buy this kind of publicity! MONK Yesterday you thought the mayor did it! How about the guy sitting behind us? He looks suspicious! turns, and glances at a ODD-LOOKING GUY SITTING BEHIND . THEM. 24 -

SHARONA No. We can eliminate him. "Monk is patting his pockets. Pat. Pat. Pat. Pat. MONK What about the murder Hoboken? There’'s.a .. connection.. somehow.. I can‘t find my keys. Monk continues to search - pat pat pat - for his keys. He’s disrupting everyone around him. Meanwhile... ST. CLAIRE Jason Ronstadt wasn't rich or famous. He was just an ex-street cop, doing his job. As the poet John Dunne said "The democracy of death, it comes equally to us all". . IN A PEW: Miranda has a small liquor bottle hidden in her purse; when no one’s looking, she sneaks a quick swig. IN THE BALCONY: Monk’s search continues. He takes off his jacket and checks all the pockets. He’s disturbing other MOURNERS. Finally, he finds the keys. He proudly shows them to Sharona. ST. CLAIRE Why don’t we meditate silently for a moment. . . The mourners lower their eyes. As they do, Monk drops his keys! They fall over the railing ... and into the open casket! Monk and Sharona gulp. They look around nervously. But no one else has noticed. S8T. CLAIRE (resuming, unaware) In a few seconds, we’ll be closing the casket and saying goodbye to Jason’ forever... IN THE BALCONY: Monk gestures to Sharona: "Give me your earring". ST. CLAIRE (cont’d) Before we do, let’s remember him as he was. A brave, loyal, generous, loving friend, a wonderful son... Meanwhile, in the balcony: Monk has fashioned a "fishing line". Dental floss for the line, Sharona's earring for the hook. He slowly lowers the hook ... lower ... lower, as 25

r ST. CLAIRE (cont’d) Whose life always will be an inspiration to those he left behind. May his loving spirit live forever in our hearts and in our prayers. "fishing line" lowers into the casket, unnoticed. 1It’'s like an arcade game. It flops around the body. It gets stuck on the body’s jacket cuff. ST. CLAIRE And now, old friend, we turn and salute you one last time. St. Claire turns and dramatically salutes the body. At that moment: Monk tugs on the "fishing line". The body‘s arm rises and seems to "wave". The MOURNERS gasp and panic! The BODYGUARD'S MOTHER wails and shrieks! Everyone STAMPEDES for the door, KICKING OVER chairs! INT. CHAPEL VESTIBULE- LATER After the service, in the vestibule. MOURNERS are lined up, comforting the grieving MOTHER. Monk and Sharona enter. Monk is trying to untangle his keys, which are still attached to the fishing line and the dead man’s jacket sleeve. St. Claire and Miranda step up. MONK I'm sorry about that, sir. It was an accident... MIRANDA ST. CLAIRE You're the accident! 1I’ve been asking around about you, Monk! The "Dysfunctional Cunstable"- that’s what they call you! You hate elevators. You’re germaphobic. You‘re afraid of the dark. And heights. And crowds. MONK You know what most afraid of, ma’am? Number one on my hit parade? Somebody getting away with murder. Monk eyes her accusingly. Miranda tenses. 26 -

) MONK In fact, that’s why I dropped my keys. I was distracted. I was thinking about another case. (probing, casually) A murder in Hoboken. Nicole Vasgues. Did you know her, sir? . ST. CLAIRE No. Should I? Monk studies St. Claire’s reaction; it seems genuine. MONK No reason you should. Did you know her, ma’am? MIRANDA ST. CLAIRE I don’t know anyone by that name, but I do know this: if my husband is elected you will never work in this town again. st. Claire and Miranda walk away. MONK & SHARONA (overlapping) Are you registered to vote? Gotta rock the wvote... Every vote counts.. EXT. CHEURCH- OUT FRONT- MOMENTS LATER Chief Stottlemeyer and Monk are conferring. Lt. Disher step up, with a file in his hand. LT. DISHER Chief. We just got the lab reports in. The bullets were hollow-point, designed to deform on impact... CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER Making make them untraceable... - LT. DISHER But we caught a break. One of them was still intact. They ID’ed the weapon. It’'s a Weatherby Fibermark. Which is- MONK British. Long-range. Preferred by mercenaries and paramilitary groups. LT. DISHER That’s right. He'’'s right. 27

CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER Start putting together a list of weapon and\or ammunition sales. MONK ) Then crosscheck that list against Nicole Vasques. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER Again with Nicole Vasques?! I read that file last night and you're wrong, Monk. The two cases don’t overlap at _all. She designed pillowcases. He is a candidate for mayor. She was behind on her rent. He owns a dozen houses around the world that he doesn’t even live in. She was stabbed. He was shot at. Did you ask St. Claire if he knew the girl? MONK Yes sir, I did. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER What did he say? MONK He said no. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER Did you ask his wife? (Monk nods) What did she say? Monk shakes his head. Sharona steps CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER Then that’s the end of it. Okay? I’'ve got the mayor all over me like fur on a kitten. Forget Hoboken. Forget it. That'’s an order. MONK Yes sir. up with a UNIFORM COP. SHARONA Adrian Monk, Officer Berringer. He’ll be driving you home. Behave yourself- he's armed. MONK Where are you going? 28 --

) . SHARONA I have a date with that lawyer I met at the health club. Remember? MONK I thought you were joking.. SHARONA You thought I was joking? Why? You don’t think it‘s possible I had a date? MONK No, I didn’t mean that. SHARONA (anger rising) WHAT'S SO FUNNY ABOUT ME DATING? BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I DO HAVE A LIFE. EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, I LIKE TO LIVE IT. MONK But it's Friday. 1It’s chicken pot pie night. Who’s going to make the chicken pot pie? SHARONA Make your own damn chicken pot pie! MONK I can’t make chicken pot pie! SHARONA You never know until you try. My nine year old son can make a chicken pot pie! MONK Really? Benjy can cook? What’s he doing later? INT. MONK'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - THAT NIGHT Later. Monk is preparing to bake, obsessively réarranging the ingredients on the counter until they are in size order. MONK (into phone) Wait, I'm not ready yet. Okay, now I'm ready. You say the milk first? Two- thirds of a cup? 29 -

INTERCUT WITH: SHARCNA'S HOUSE ..Sharcna lives in a small, cheerful apartment in Park Slope. Nine year old BENJY plays on a computer while talking on the phone with Monk. In the background, Sharona is getting dressed, primping in = mirror. BENJY It doesn’t have to be exact, Monk. You’'re not splitting the atom. MONK (pouring carefully) Can‘t be too Hold on... BENJY Why don’t you just make yourself a sandwich? Or order a pizza. . MONK No. It'’s Friday. Friday is chicken pot pie night. The DOORBELL RINGS. Sharona opens the door for a young, friendly BABY-SITTER. SHARONA Coreen’s here. Who are you on the phone with? (snatching phone) Adrian Monk, is that you? I'm hanging up now. And don’t call back. Benjy’s got homework. Lots of it. Sharona hangs up and kisses Benjy sweetly. SHARONA Bye baby. Be good for Coreen. And use the caller ID. 1If it’s Mr. Monk, just answer. BENJY Okay. INT. UPSCALE RESTAURANT- LATER Sharona’s date is too good to be true. He’s a charming, attractive lawyer named CARL. He's brought her to a quiet, upscale restaurant. CARL Your kidding. 400 Handi-wipes a day? 30 -

-] SHARONA If he touches anything he has .to wipe his i {:} hands. Then he has a special Handi-Wipe ' to wipe the Handi-Wipe box! . CARL . He sounds certifiable. How’d you hook up with this guy? SHARONA He has a sister who lives in Montana. Sis was worried about him. She called the agency- they sent me over. He a nurse. I could se that right away. He needed everything but a nurse! It‘s the worst job I ever had. CARL Why don‘t you quit? SHARONA It’s also the best job I ever had! Two years ago I was changing bedpans and pushing old ladies around in wheelchairs. Now I‘m out there- I'm having adventures! Me! putting bad guys behind bars. I feel like- her name- Superman’s Q girlfriend? . CARL Lois Lane. SHARONA I'm Lois Lane! How many Registered Nurses can say that? She smiles. Their eyes meet. CARL That looks so fine on you. SHARONA The dress? . CARL The smile. Sharona melts. INT. MONK’'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - SAME TIME. L;W The baking continues. Monk finishes laying the top crust onto 4 his creation. It actually looks like the real deal. 31 -

MONK That wasn’t so hard. He pops the pie into the oven, sets the timer and washes his hands fastidiously. . There’'s a SMALL TV on the counter. The LOCAL NEWS is on. REPORTER (ON TV) The investigation into the attempted assassination of mayoral candidate Warren St. Claire has apparently stalled. Today the police released this amateur home video taken at the scene of the shooting... ON THE TV: a shaky, badly framed HOME VIDEO of the shooting. Shots fired... people scrambling for cover... the bodyguard hit... Gavin Lloyd pointing. Monk glances at the set, turns off the water and moves in for a closer look. INT. MONK’S BUILDING - HALLWAY Monk is heading downstairs. He’'s waiting for an elevator. DING! 7‘5 The elevator door opens, revealing FOUR OTHER TENANTS. Monk S freezes. There'’s plenty of room, but not enough for Monk. INT. STAIRWELL - MOMENTS LATER Monk dashes down the stairs, counting off as he goes MONK Eighty-nine, ninety, ninety-one INT. UPSCALE RESTAURANT - LATER The date continues. Carl is making a toast... CARL To moderation in all things, except in love. . Sharona clinks his glass. Then - clink! - a third glass appears. We reveal: Monk is toasting, too! He's sitting between them! SHARONA What are you doing here, Monk? = 32 -

14 MONK I was watching the news, there was a video tape of the St. Claire thing. Something about it doesn’t add up. CARL Mr. Monk, I presume. MONK Ah. Yes. Our lawyer friend from the health club. CARL Carl Heinschmidt. Join us for dinner. SHARONA No! He can't. Two’s company, three’s a crowd, and Monk hates crowds. (glaring at Monk) - Don’t you, Monk? MONK I feel okay when around. Sharona sighs, defeated. Monk makes himself at home, rearranging things on the table - utensils and napkins and candles - into symmetrical patters. SHARONA Carl was telling me about living in England. He was a Rhodes scholar. MONK No kidding. SHARONA He graduated magna cum laudey. CARL her) Cum laude. SHARONA Now he has a private practice. He’s an entertainment lawyer. Guess who he represents? Can I tell him? Kevin Costner. ) " CARL It's no big deal. A tabloid wrote something about him, that he was drunk at the Oscars, and suing them for slander. Monk continues to compulsively rearrange the table setting, as- 33 -

" ' MONK - - Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 1I'don‘t know -what to do {i) here. I'm not good at this. (to Sharona, heartfelt) Maybe I should just shut up, but I care about you, Sharona. And I don’t want to see you hurt. I don’t know what to do here. This man is lying to you. He'’s not a lawyer. CARL What?! MONK Oxford doesn’t have a magna cum laude. And you sue a newspaper for libel, not slander. 1I’ll just shut up. Just forget I said anything. . A stunned beat. Sharona reacts, shocked, embarrassed, hurt. Carl starts to explain, but can’t think of anything to say. EXT. STREET IN FRONT OF MONK'’S BUILDING - LATER Monk and Sharona are in a taxi. They pull up. Sharona is still — fuming! MONK What should I have done, let him lie to you? SHARONA Yes! It was a first date! Evervbody embellishes their resume! It’s called human nature. You think I told him how old I was? Or about that summer I spent dancing in Miami? I know you hate disorder, Adrian, but people are disorderly. The world is a disorderly place. MONK o) Uh-huh. What kind of dancing? SHARONA (to the Cabbie) Don’t leave. Sharona turns to Monk. She’s madée a decision. . SHARONA ) I can’t do this anymore. I quit. 34 -

- MONK Here we go... SHARONA I mean it this time. send my sister over for my stuff. MONK You know you’re just going to come back. SHARONA Don‘t tell me what I'm gonna do! You think you know everything, well, you don’t know me that well! MONK Okay. upset- and rightfully so- because, in a way, I was partly responsible for you and Carl not working out. Let me call him- SHARONA No! 1It’s too late, Monk! I adore the brilliant Sherlock Holmes part of you and I love the frightened little boy part of you.. but the two of them together are driving me crazy! I have responsibilities, Monk. I have a kid. I think I have to find a normal job before I go completely nuts- like MONK (sadly) Like me. Sharona sighs. There’s nothing more to say: She climbs back into the taxi. She rolls down the window. MONK I’1ll never forget you. SHARONA You never forget anvthing. The TAXI drives off. Monk watches her go. He’s alone.. more a2lone than any man’s ever been in the world. - INT. MONK'’S STUDY- MORNING We PAN ACROSS a study area- desk, nook, bookshelves- which is devoted to Trudy’s murder. 35 -

Tacked to the wall are witness statements and newspaper articles, now years old: DETECTIVE'S WIFE SLAIN... AWARD-WINNING REPORTER --TRUDY MONK SLAIN IN HOLD UP... ONE YEAR LATER: MONK MURDER STILL UNSOLVED. .. Monk sits down and begins studying a photo of the crime scene (an elevated subway platform)... INT. MONK’'S APARTMENT (DREAM SEQUENCE) A dream. It's years earlier. Trudy is alive. The apartment reflects her inf;uence: it's warmer.. full of bright colors. The stereo plays their song: "Our Love Is Here To Stay".. Trudy emerges from thg bedroom in a dress, looking radiant. Monk crosses to her, and zips her up. She smiles sweetly. He leans in to kiss her. Suddenly the world begins spinning madly, chaotically. Trudy SCREAMS in horror! From nowhere- a LOUD, ROARING SUBWAY TRAIN hurtles by! The train passes. Monk looks around. SUBWAY PLATFORM- NIGHT (DREAM CONTINUES) Hé's on the elevated platform where Trudy was murdered. suddenly night time. Trudy is gone. . MONK Trudy..? INT. MONK’S APARTMENT- MORNING Monk wakes up. He'’s still at the "murder case" desk. He fell asleep there... INT. POLICE PRECINCT- TASK FORCE A Special Task Force has been formed. The office is cluttered with boxes of reports, witness statements, aerial photos, etc. Lt. Disher is showing Stottlemeyer a list of campaign volunteers. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER (reading, stunned) Vasquez, Nicole. LT. DISHER She worked for St. Claire’s campaign. She was a part time volunteer. (beat) The two cases overlap. Monk was right. 36 -

CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER (grimly) Call him. Get him in here. LT. DISHER I already tried. There’s no answer. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER Did you call Sharona? ASSISTANT She said she quit. CHIEF STOTTLEMEYER So he’s alone? . (looks out window) Out there? With other people? Better let the mayor know. . MONK'’S CAR- MOVING- SERIES OF SHOTS Moments later. Monk is driving himself! He’s a terrible driver. He crawls along at 10 m.p.h. His EMERGENCY FLASHERS blink constantly. CARS behind him HONK and CURSE. Whenever he’s nervous, Monk tries to talk himself down off the ledge MONK . Honk if you want to, I won’t let it bother me, because I'm calm and I'm driving... Brake. I’m braking. Monk stops at an intersection. He’s waiting to turn left. MONK Blinker on... piece of cake... A BUS up on his left. ANOTHER BUS pulls up on his right. Monk is boxed in. He nearly has a claustrophobic attack. MONK (cont'’d) Ooooco. Oooo. TRUCK DRIVER WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM? BACK IT Monk tries backing up, which makes matters worse. CARS and TRUCKS HONK ANGRILY. 37 -

SAME- SECONDS LATER -.A TRAFFIC COP approaches Monk’s car. TRAFFIC COP HEY! LET’S MOVE IT! But the car is... empty! Monk is gone. SECOND ACT BREAK 38

&) ACT III | INT. SHARONA’S APARTMENT - DAY Benjy has bruised his knee. Sharona is lovingly nursing it. SHARONA You were skateboarding in that parking lot again. BENJY No. Sharona looks at him. Benjy caves. BENJY Well, what are we supposed to do? They won’'t let us skate in the park! Holy Shnikees, Mom! SHARONA Don't swear. BENJY "Shnikees" is not a swear. SHARONA If I don’t know the word, it’s a swear. That’'s the rule. The DOORBELL RINGS. FRONT DOOR - SECONDS LATER Sharona opens the door. Kenny Burger (the Deputy Mayor) and Lt. Disher. DEPUTY MAYOR Is Sharcna Fleming here? BENJY Who wants to know? DEPUTY MAYOR I'm Kenny Burger, the Deputy Mayor. Benjy knows what that means. BENJY Mom, Monk’s missing again! 39 -

@) EXT. CEMETERY - LATER We PAN ACROSS a number of old, overgrown, crumbling gravestones until we find: a perfect grave. flowers trimmed and perfectly arranged. We PAN UP. The stone says: TRUDY ANNE MONK, WIFE AND DAUGHTER. Monk is there. sweet, heartfelt version of "Our Love Is Here To Stay". surprisingly good. Sharona appears. Monk sees her, and continues playing. he’s dome... MONK That was our song. SHARONA (sweetly) I know. MONK I don’t see how. She’s been dead for four years. A beat. He smiles. Sharona smiles too. MONK Welcome back. SHARONA Shut up. (takes out some notes) You were right about the two cases being connected. Nicole did some volunteer work for the campaign. MONK Doing what? SHARONA This and that. Mostly helping the bookkeeper. : MONK So she was a numbers person. SHARONA How does it feel, always being right? MONK Terrible. 40 The grass is manicured. The 1962 - 1985, BELOVED brought his saxophone and is playing a He'’s When

SHARONA She quit after seven weeks, which I'm told is not unusual. No boyfriends. No record, not even a parking ticket. She sang soprano in the church choir. she read to elderly blind people. The girl was an endangered species, Adrian: a decent, hardworking kid. Sharona looks up. Monk is looking at her. Their eyes meet. They share a smile. It’s a warm smile.. maybe even affectionate. Then- abruptly- MONK (glancing at his watch) It’'s ten to two! INT. COFFEE SHOP - MOMENTS LATER Exactly ten minutes later. A neighborhood coffee shop. Monk and Sharona have coffee here every day at two o‘clock- sharp. TARA, a counter girl, is expecting them. She has their order ready. TARA Thirty seconds late. I was about to call Missing Persons. Monk and Sharona take their food, and find a table. Monk obsessively cleans off the table top and chair, as... MONK (resuming) What’s the scoop on St. Claire? . SHARONA He's had some union problems, but other airlines have had worse. 1It’s probably just some wacko- MONK Okay, what if it wasn’t a wacko. What about money? Who'd have a SHARONA That'’s a no-brainer. Miranda- the wife- inherits the whole ball of wax. And she has another motive: she’s no Clinton. She hates politics. She married Prince Charming for the private jets and summers in Tuscany- not to be cooped up in Gracie Mansion and visiting kids in the hospital. 41 -

INT. " How old was she? shredded paper. document back together. Monk considers this. He carefully nibbles his pie. MONK Let’s say Miranda wanted to kill her husband... It would make sense to do it in public, right? It would look like Lee Harvey Oswald Junior. SHARONA In theory. MONK But she’d need help. Who would she turn to? Gavin Lloyd? SHARONA The kingmaker? No way. Gavin Lloyd would sell his mother to win this election. This is his last hurrah. The national parties won'’t touch him. MONK Why not? SHARONA He was never officially charged, but the word is: some campaign contributions Gavin collected were there one minute and gone the next... ST. CLAIRE CAMPAIGN OFFICE - LATER The campaign office. As always, the place is a beehive of activity. Monk and Sharona are showing Gavin Lloyd a photo of Nicole. studies the picture, shakes his head. GAVIN LLOYD SHARONA Twenty five. GAVIN LLOYD Heartbreaking. 42 He Monk is sitting near a PAPER SHREDDER, with a basket filled with He absentmindedly starts.to put the shredded It’s like a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle.