SCRUBS Written by Bill Lawrence (pilot) Final Draft: February 28, 2001 Revision: Blue March 5, 2001 Pink March 8, 2001

FADE IN: INT. COLD OPEN, BEDROOM -- MORNING 1 As the clock turns to 6:00 AM, the alarm goes off. JOHN DORIAN, "J.D." to his friends immediately reaches out and turns it off. J.D. is 25, boyishly handsome, self- deprecatingly funny, and would probably be more self-confident if he realized any of that. As he gets out of bed, WE HEAR HIS VOICECVER: J.D (V.0.) Since I was eleven years old, I've been able to sleep through Storms, earthquakes, my girlfriend yelling at me . to "Open the door or we're through," you name it. INT. BATHROOM -- CONTINUOUS -~ 2 WE SEE J.D. ENTER, start to undress... J.D (vV.0.) Last night I didn't sleep. OMITTED 3 INT. BATHROOM -- MOMENTS LATER ' 4 J.D. is now in front of the mirror, towel around his waist, shaving cream in one hand. J.D 'I guess I get a little goofy when I'm nervous. TIME CUT TO: J.D. in a towel in front of the mirror, his body and face covered with shaving cream as if it were warpaint. J.D (V.0.) (CONT'D) You see, today isn't just any other day.. ANGLE ON J.D.'s hand as he turns on the radio. TIME CUT TO: PULL BACK to see J.D. now dressed in scrubs, looking at himself in the mirror. J.D (V.0.) (CONT'D) It's my first day. MUSIC CUE.

J.D. (to mirror) I'm the man. EXT. SACRED HEART HOSPITAL -- MOMENTS LATER 5% The music still plays as J.D. walks toward the entrance. The hospital itself is so old and depressing that it probably can't even remember its better days. J.D (v.0.) And four years of pre-med, four years of med school, and hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid loans have finally made me realize one important thing... N INT. ER/ADMISSIONS -- CONTINUOUS 6 J.D. CASUALLY ENTERS through a sliding glass door. What he sees is_akin to being dropped in Vietnam, patients are whisked by, children crying; This is a real hospital with much commotion. As J.D. takes this in, a frantic NURSE ‘APPEARS, surprising him. NURSE KEARNEY * Good, could you go drop a N.G. tube on the patient in 234 and call the attending if the lavage is positive? J.D. (beat) Sure. J.D (V.0.) I don't know jack. AS J.D. STANDS THERE, CLUELESS: END OF COLD OPEN. FADE OUT:

7 SCRUBS PINK ACT ONE INT. ER/ADMISSIONS - CONTINUOUS J.D. still stands next to the nurse. J.D. (v.0.) So, this is my story... J.D I'm supposed to be up in intensive care- NURSE KEARNEY Good. We just turfed him there. (explaining) We transferred him to I.C.U. J.D. Was this before you turfed him? NURSE KEARNEY That's what turfing means. J.D. I know that. I'm just having some fun with you. Woo-hoo... The nurse stares at him, skeptically. J.D (v.0.) . Look, I got into medicine because I always wanted to help people, but orientation yesterday didn't really focus on patient care... INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - THE DAY BEFORE CUT TO: The hospital LAWYER drones on in front of a room filled with soon-to-be interns. On the chalkboard he's written LAWSUITS and drawn an X through it. LAWYER The hospital doesn't want to be sued, you don't want to be sued - let's be honest, no one likes being sued. Being sued is not a good thing... J.D. sits next to CHRIS TURK, 25, black, handsome, quiet confidence of a man who can't be flustered. J.D. speak with the familiarity of old friends. J.D. Turk, You know how I'm totally down with the rap music... TURK Dude, be whiter. WE FREEZE FRAME on TURK: (CONTINUED) ‘the word with the Turk and

8B 8C 10 SCRUBS YELLOW J.D (v.0.) Chris Turk is my best friend. We roomed together in college. EXT. - Two shot of Turk and J.D. (with mullet and flat top) when they)were college freshman. (William and Mary sweatshirt, etc. EXT. - DAY Two shot of Turk and J.D. in med school in similar pose. J.D (v.0.) We roomed together in med school. EXT. - DAY Two shot of J.D. and Turk six weeks ago. J.D (V.0.) Hell, we even got accepted by the same hospital. J.D. and Turk hold envelopes, celebrating their acceptance. They hug then part, both extremely uncomfortable. BACK TO FREEZE FRAME OF TURK CUT TO: OMITTED INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS Back on FREEZE FRAME of Turk reacting, then: J.D. Here's the thing. Tupac, DMX, Dr. Dre- in most of their songs, these artists use an extremely volatile word-- TURK Nigger. Yes, I am aware of that. 3* * 8A* * 8B* 8C* 10

11 SCRUBS PINK 4 J.D. My question is this. If we're both singing along, and knowing that otherwise I'd never use the word, am I allowed toc say-- TURK No. J.D. But what if- TURK Nooo. J.D. See, that's good to know. ANGLE ON the Lawyer, who has now written on the chalkboard: ALCOHOL + SURGERY = NO-NO. He UNDERLINES No-No. LAWYER ...Finally Doctors, if you make a mistake, call me. Please, don't admit it to the patient, or the patient's family, especially if there is a death involved. Of course, if the patient is deceased, you can feel free to tell him or her anything. . The Lawyer LAUGHS. No one else does. J.D. So, hey, I found us an apartment- J.D. is interrupted by CHIEF OF MEDICINE ROBERT XKELSO, 56, he is a kind looking man with loads of 'aw shucks' charm. DR. KELSO Listen up gang, I'm Dr. Bob Kelso, and I'm your chief of medicine. We've got some exciting times ahead, gang, so I want you to think of me as your safety net, because I promise you, we are a family here. Now, I bought pizza in case you'd like to stick around and touch base with your fellow interns. Go get ‘em, doctors. CUT TO: INT. PENTHOUSE - MOMENTS LATER The penthouse is a room with a few ratty couches, an old tv, a small table and an old PAC MAN video game currently in use. J.D. and Turk eat pizza and watch. . J.D. Can I sing black magic woman?

12 The guys turn to see ELLIOT REID, 26, SCRUBS TURK You can hum it. (then) PINK 5 So the surgical interns are gonna go grab a beer. J.D. The medical interns are having a Pac-Man tournament. ELLIOT I love Pac-Man. (0.8.) Apparently we're all twelve. extremely driven young woman, so much so that she seems to live at a slightly quicker pace than normal humans. e of girl that could make the world stop if she also the t let her hair down. It's down right now. J.D. Me too. I love playing it, it played. I just love it. ELLIOT I'm Elliot. TURK (Finger out, a'la E.T.) Ellliioott... ELLIOT Yeah, don't do that. J.D. I'm J.D., this is Turk. TURK So, Elliot... TIME SLOWS. J.D. and Turk look at each other, Elliot. Finally: _ ELLIOT ‘Medical. She's I love watching you medical or surgery? then back to AS TURK REACTS and WE HEAR A PAC-MAN DIE: INT. CORRIDOR - MINUTES LATER J.D. and Elliot up to I.C.U. the pace. ELLIOT CUT TO: Elliot gradually increases So every male in my family is a doctor. dad, my granddad, my brother. tha Guess t's why Dad gave me a guy's name, made me play sports, date girls, I'm joking. an attractive, * 12

13 14 15 SCRUBS BLUE 6 J.D. I know, I would've laughed if you had paused. ELLIOT Good. It was funny. So, Tuxk's cute. J.D (v.0.) If she likes Turk, so be it. J.D. He's getting married. ELLIOT Anyway, I got better board scores than . Gramps, my dad, and my stupid brother...I ) know what you're thinking. J.D (V.0.) Your butt looks like two pringles next to each other. J.D: No you don't. INT. STAIRWELL -- CONTINUOUS 13 ELLIOT The whole having-to-be-the-best thing, Miss "Hyper competitive," I mean it used to be a big problem for me, used to, past tense... J.D. (stops) Hey. Are we racing? Elliot gives him an "Are you crazy" look, then: ELLIOT Yes. She TAKES OFF up the stairs. J.D. races after her. INT. HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS 14 In J.D.'s fantasy, he now wears a MARATHONER'S OUTFIT. He RUNS past doctors and nurses, even takes a cup of coffee from one and POURS it over his own head. Finally, at the I.C.U. ward, J.D. PASSES ELLIOT and BREAKS THE FINISH LINE TAPE FIRST. A WOMAN IN A WALKER comes in third. INT. I.C.U. NURSES STATION -- CONTINUOUS 15 BACK TO REALITY. J.D. bends over, gasps for breath. Elliot is not the least bit tired. ELLIOT So, you do a lot of cardio?

16 17 SCRUBS PINK . 7 Too tired to speak, J.D. MOUTHS "YES". SECOND-YEAR RESIDENT * JEFFREY STEADMAN, 29, ENTERS. He is truly a weasel. * JEFFERY Elliot Reid and John Dorian? (off nods, not thrilled) Great. One, I am your resident, Dr. Jeffery Steadman, not Jeff. Two, here are your Manuals... He hands them both an Intern Manual (universal text of basic procedures given to all interns). JEFFERY (CONT'D) These can answer any basic questions you have so don't bother me, ever, kay? Three, don't be a moron and open your manual up in front of a patient, Four... J.n. (v.0.) You ever notice how quickly some people make an impression? Note: 1In the following dialogue, what we hear does not match Jeffery's mouth movements, it's just what J.D. hears. JEFFERY I'ma tool, I'ma tool. I'm a tool, tool, * tool, tool, unbelievably annoying tool. * J.D. Yeah. JEFFERY Finally, these are your beepers. From now on, these control your life, kay? J.D. stares at the beeper in his hand. It goes off. MATCH CUT TO: INT. ER/ADMISSIONS - PRESENT TIME 16 J.D. is where we left him earlier, next to the same nurse, staring at his beeper. J.D. Sorry, gotta go. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY -- MOMENTS LATER 17 J.D. catches up to NURSE CARLA ESPINOZA, who is pushing an older patient quickly down the hall on a gurney. She 1is ‘Hispanic, thirtyish, painfully frank, and manages to be motherly and sexy at the same time.

18 SCRUBS PINK J.D. I was beeped... CARLA Aww, first day Bambi? Carla will take care of you - don't look at me when we're moving someone. J.D. walks into some equipment, FALLS OUT OF FRAME. up, and follows Carla into a room. INT. PATIENT'S ROOM -- CONTINUOUS DR. CARLA We're waiting for Dr. Cox... PHIL COX ENTERS. He is an ATTENDING PHYSICIAN in his late-thirties, and a steamroller of a man. J.D. J.D. makes a move, but CAN'T DO IT. Dr. Cox notices. J.D. Hi, Dr., I'm-- DR. COX Place an I.V. for me. J.D. We'll talk later. DR. COX Carla, a personal question. Do you spray your perfume on or do you keep a tub full of the crap and slosh around in it? CARLA (unfazed) I smell nice. is STRUGGLING WITH THE I.V. J.D (v.0.) C'mon, you've done this to cadavers before. So this guy's alive, just poke it his skin, poke it through - Now! DR. COX Time's up. Do that for him, please. I'm also gonna need to get an ABG. J.D. Why are you telling her? DR. COX Shut up and watch. CARLA Awwww, be nice to Bambi. (CONTINUED) Hops 18 * *

SCRUBS PINK 8A DR. COX This gomer has got to stop trying to die while I'm eating lunch.

SCRUBS PINK 9 J.D. (under his breath) That's a little insensitive. Dr. Cox looks up. J.D (V.0.) Mistake. DR. COX ‘ This man is ninety-two, and has full dementia. He doesn't even know we're ! here. For Christ sake, he's inches away ' from Carla's rack and he hasn't even flinched. CARLA (sincerely) That's so sweet. J.D. What about his subconscious? DR. COX (into patient's ear) Eisenhower was a sissy. Dr. Cox waits in a fighting stance for a beat. DR. COX (CONT'D) By the grace of God, I think we're gonna | be okay. i (then, to J.D.) From now on, when I'm in the room, you're not allowed to talk. As J.D. gives him the thumbs up and DR. COX EXITS: CUT TO: 19 INT. I.C.U. MAIN PATIENT'S ROOM -- MORNING, DAY 2 19 | Dr. Kelso moves from patient to patient conducting rounds. | . DR. KELSO Now, Mr. Dorian, can you tell me what ailment... J.D (v.0.) I'm gonna love rounds. The constant questions, it's like being on a gameshow. J.D. clicks his pen as if it were a Jeopardy buzzer, then: | J.D. ! - What is uremia? DR. KELSO [ That's my boy.

SCRUBS PINK 10 J.D. ' Uremia may lead to a symmetric sensorimotor polyneuropathy that tends to affect the lower limbs more than upper limbs, and is more marked aistally than proximally... DR. KELSO Whoa, sport. Who stuck a quarter in you? (then re. patient) Nice, clean job with the foley catheter. J.D (v.0.) I had a nurse do it. J.D. Thank you, sir. J.D (v.0.) Unfortunately, I'm still afraid to touch anybody . ELLIOT ENTERS. Her hair is up, glasses are on, and she is obviously frazzled. As she tries to SNEAK IN: J.D (V.0.) (CONT'D) I'd been thinking a lot about Elliot. She's an anal-retentive, crazy, smartypants, but in kind of a sexy way, you know? DR. KELSO (without turning) Dr. Reid, you're late. ELLIOT I got puked on, and seeing as it was already the fifth time today, I needed to cry for a few minutes. DR. KELSO Nothing wrong with squirting out a_ few. You're off the hook if you can tell me what to look out for in a uremic patient. Elliot is silent, clueless. J.D (v.0.) Anyway, I decided to go for it. : J.D. (whispers) Infection. ELLIOT Infection? DR. KELSO That's my girl. Moving on... As they move to the next bed Elliot and J.D. hang back.

SCRUBS 11 ELLIOT I knew the answer. J.D. I'm sure you did. : ! | ELLIOT i I was just frazzled-- j J.D. How could you not be? ELLIOT You know, with the-- J.D. I know. ELLIOT - Good. But thanks, if I can ever do anything for you-- J.D. You could let your hair down again. ELLIOT (looks at him, then) Can I wash the puke out first? . J.D. If you want. 3‘i;:7 ’ ELLIOT (smiles, then all business) We'll see. CUT TO: 20 INT. PENTHOUSE -- DAY 20 ‘ J.D. daydreaming. He looks at the TV and sees HIMSELF AND ELLIOT ON THE SCREEN. We GO INTO the TV. 21 INT. SITCOM LIVING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS 21 J.D. sits next to Elliot. They are being questioned by a six-year-old boy. There is a laugh track. BOY Daddy, why did you marry Mommy? J.D. Well Tiger, I gave her an answer during rounds and she immediately had sex with me.

22 As the boy exits, Elliot straddles J.D. him. SCRUBS PINK ELLIOT (with sitcom smile) Now go do your homework so I can continue to satlsfy your father sexually while never questioning his authority. and starts kissing 12 DR. COX ENTERS the fantasy in medical scrubs, pushing an old woman in a wheelchair. DR. COX What the hell are you doing? INT. PENTHOUSE -- CONTINUOUS BACK TO REALITY. Dr. DR. COX Did you actually page me to ask how much tylenol to give Mrs. Lenzer? J.D. I was worried that it could exacerbate the patient's DR. COX It's regular strength tylenol! Have her open her mouth, throw a handful at her, and whatever lands in there is the correct dosage. J.D. But-- DR. COX And no means are you to compromise our no talking agreement. : Cox sits, works on a chart. J.D. Dr. Cox, if you could give me any advice-- DR. COX Try not to kill anyone. J.D. Uh-huh. Dr. Kelso tells us all to stay positive. : DR. COX Look, I'm going to be careful because I want to overstate this: Dr. Kelso is the most evil human being on the face of the earth and may actually be the devil himself. . J.D. Super. J.D. turns to see Dr. Cox pushing an older woman in a wheelchair. He pushes her to the side.

| ] SCRUBS BLUE 13 J.D. (CONT'D) It's just that this isn't ‘what I expected. Labs and tests and charts - it's all scut work. Plus most of my patients are... (re. old woman, sotto) Older and kind of checked out mentally... DR. COX Pumpkin, that's modern medicine. Bureaucratic nightmares, paperwork out the ass, and advances that keep people alive who should have died years ago, back when they lost what made them people. Your job is to stay sane enough so that when someone comes in that you actually can help, you're not too braindead to function, what!?! J.D. Do you think we should talk about this in front of-- DR. COX Her? She's dead. Write this down, Newbie. You push around a stiff, nobody asks you to do anything. J.D. Thanks, you've been like a father to me. DR. COX ) Fine, you want some real advice? They ‘E:? find out that you're making nurses do all your procedures they’ll throw you out on your ass so quick it'll make you dizzy. J.D (v.0.) And there it is. DR. COX Have a terrific day. DR. COX EXITS and J.D. stares into the old woman's lifeless face, then: OLD WOMAN Stop staring at me. 23 INT. I.C.U. NURSES STATION -- LATER Carla hands J.D. one chart after another. 23

SCRUBS PINK CARLA Okay Bambi, here's Mrs. Lenzer's tox screen, Mr. Hobert's blood work... J.D (v.0.) I couldn't help wondering if Turk is having the same experience I am. TURK I'm such a stud. J.D (V.0.) Probably not. TURK This morning, I had my hands inside a guy's chest. All the way inside; I couldn't even see them... I shouldn't be allowed to do that. J.D. And you weren't scared? TURK ' What's there to be scared of? You know what the attending said: "One way or another, everyone stops bleeding". That's deep man. CARLA No it's not. TURK It's a little deep. Carla rolls HER EYES. Turk watches her EXIT. J.D. So, hey, we never finished before. I have to tell you about our apartment- Another surgical intern, TODD QUINLAN, crosses by, TURK. TODD T-man! TURK J.D., Todd. J.D. Hey, how're you do-- 14 HIGH FIVES J.D. raises his hand in a slight wave and TODD HIGH FIVES THE HELL out of it. J.D. reacts, in pain. TODD (to Turk) Can I talk to you? They talk as J.D. stands against the wall.

24 SCRUBS J.b (v.0.) And like that, I was back in high school. You see, surgical interns, they're all slice 'em and dice 'em. They're the jocks. Medical interns - we're trained to think about the body. Diagnose, test, keep .everything a little notecard. The medical interns, well... TODD (points) You've got a stain. 15 When J.D. looks down, Todd drags his finger up to J.D.'s face (' made you look') . J.D (V.0.) We're the chess club. As Turk waves and he and Todd quickly HEAD OFF: INT. ER/ADMISSIONS-- MORNING, DAY 3 CUT TO: 24 J.D. stands next to a JANITOR, who works on the sliding glass door. After an awkward beat: J.D. I'm waiting for someone. JANITOR broke. Every fifth time or so it ELLIOT don't open. J.D. Maybe there's a penny stuck in there. JANITOR Why a penny? I don't know... JANITOR Did you stick a penny in there? J.D. I was just making small talk. JANITOR If I find a penny, I'm taking you down. ENTERS talking. THEY WALK to rounds. ELLIOT Oh my God being on call sucks. You're all alone, all night - it's terrifying, you know?

25 26 27 INT. J.D. SCRUBS BLUE J.D. The janitor wants to kill me. ELLIOT Anyway, about eleven hours into being on call last night, my twentieth admission was this young girl who was throwing up blood, and... I actually wished it was me. J.D. You know, I'll bet he's killed before. ELLIOT I'd gladly be that sick to lie in bed, watch TV, get to eat hospital pudding, right? Right? J.D. (regains focus) Yeah, yeah, yeah, blood for pudding. You . know, we're both off Monday night, so . - maybe, you know, if you're not busy, I don't know, maybe we could-- ELLIOT I like Italian food, the movie we're seeing starts at 9, so we'll eat at 7:30, and please don't wear those shoes. Elliot EXITS into the stairwell. OMITTED I.C.U. MAIN PATIENT'S ROOM .-- MOMENTS LATER and Elliot enter. J.D. looks at her. J.D (Vv.0.) See? She just gets me. DR. KELSO Welcome to rounds, kids. Patient number one... J.D (V.0.) Bottom line, Elliot is the girl of my dreams. DR. KELSO ...the necrosis, and infected stool most likely indicate what, Dr. Dorian? EXT. STREET -- NIGHT J.D. IN HIS SCRUBS STANDS IN THE MIDDLE OF A ROAD WITH ANTLERS ON HIS HEAD, FROZEN IN HEADLIGHTS. 16 CUT TO: 25 26 27

28 29 30 INT. SCRUBS PINK 17 I.C.U. MAIN PATIENT'S ROOM -- CONTINUOUS 2t Panicked, J.D. looks at Elliot. ELLIOT (whispers) I don't know. J.D. Sir... I have no idea. DR. KELSO Well, I'm very in you, son. Dr. Reid, can you help him out? * ELLIOT I'd say it's superior mesenteric insufficiency. DR. KELSO That's my girl. Patient number two... Elliot makes no eye contact and moves on. EXT. STREET -- NIGHT 25 J.D. with antlers gets RUN OVER BY TRUCK. CUT TO: INT. FOUR BED PATIENT'S ROOM -- DAY 30 A patient, MS. PRATT, reads the newspaper and listens to a walkman in bed. J.D (V.0.) The only way to bounce back is to stay positive. J.D. {cheery) Ms. Pratt, I'm here to remove some of that fluid from your belly, relieve a little of that tightness. MS. PRATT Shut up and do it. J.D. Fantastic. (then) Ma'am, I'm going to need you to roll over for just a second. Ms. Pratt begrudgingly does so. As soon as she's turned, J.D. pulls out his Intern Manual, starts reading. * TURK (0.S.) Nice. (CONTINUED)

SCRUBS BLUE J.D. turns to see Turk, signals him to be quiet. looking up the procedure, then hides the book. 174 He finishes

SCRUBS PINK i8 J.D. You can roll back, ma'am. Now this'll just take a second... She goes back to her paper. J.D. starts to put the needle in her stomach, hesitates, afraid. J.D (v.0.) C'mon. Not in front of Turk. Just jam the razor sharp needle into her gut. Then, chickening out, to Turk: J.D. I think this needle is too big. I'm gonna get a nurse. TURK Learn by doing, man. Learn by doing. Turk takes the needle and pushes it into her stomach. J.D (v.0.) I hated him at that moment. For being able to do that, for being happy... Turk removes the needle. A stream of fluid, though, SQUIRTS OUT of her belly, like a water-balloon with a pinprick. As J.D. presses gauze on the spot: TURK Maybe it was too big a needle. J.D. You think? How do I seal this up? TURK You want my gum? MS. PRATT (puts down paper) What's going on down there? TURK (trying not to laugh) This is totally normal, ma'am. Just have to put some it. She goes back to reading. J.D. So, you going to move your stuff in tonight? TURK That's why I came by. I just feel like we've done that already, you know? * *

31 31a SCRUBS 19 TURK (CONT'D) It might be good for us to branch out a little... What do you think? J.D (v.0.) Tell him you miss him. Tell him you need him to look into your eyes and say that everything's going to be fine just like he-did when the cop pulled you over, Tell him. J.D. Yeah, I feel the same way. Turk nods, EXITS. J.D. takes a peak under the gauze - it squirts out again. He sighs. CUT TO: INT. ELEVATOR -- MOMENTS LATER J.D. and MR. BURSKI, mid-sixties, talk. . MR. BURSKI I just have bad gas. What're you testing me for? ) . J.D. We need to know if your gas could be harmful to others. As the other passengers react, they exit. INT. BASEMENT HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS J.D. Look, Mr. Burski, I heard a systolic murmur in your heart, which is most likely nothing, but if you don't let me check it out I'm gonna worry about you all day. MR. BURSKI Seriously? . J.D. (sincere) Yeah, it would drive me crazy. MR. BURSKI Then I'll do it. For you. (then, moving) So what's it like being a young hotshot doctor? J.D. Did you ever go to see a movie that everyone told you was great, then because of all those expectations, you ended up totally disappointed? 31 31A

32 33 SCRUBS . 20 MR. BURSKI Movies nowadays have too many special effects. J.D. Yeah, that was pretty much my point. MR. BURSKI Kid, you want to know my philoscophy ‘of life? It might help. J.D. Lay it on me, Mr. Burski. MR. BURSKI The hell with everything. J.D. I like that. J.D.'S BEEPER GOES OFF. He hands the wheelchair to an orderly, sprints purposefully down the hall. J.D (v.0.) My first code. See, here's how it works. Someone's heart fails, they beep everyone, the first doctor in has to run the room, tell everyone what to do, basically decide if the patient lives or dies... (He stops, panicked) What, am I crazy? J.D. ducks into a closet, HIDING. INT. CLOSET -- CONTINUOUS He closes the door behind him and turns to see Elliot. J.D. You chicken. ELLIOT Me? Look at you. INT. SURGERY MAIN PATIENT ROOM -- CONTINUOUS Turk and Todd are with the patient, firing up the defibrillator. J.D (v.0.) Don't worry about the patient. Turk was already there "learning by doing". TODD Fire up the juice, baby. TURK Clear. 32 33

j 34 SCRUBS PINK 21 J.D (v.0.) Plus it turns out the guy was just slightly anesthetized attached to a faulty monitor. Turk SHOCKS THE PATIENT, who SITS UP SCREAMING. Everyone freaks out. INT. CLOSET -- CONTINUQUS J.D. I thought, I don't know, maybe we cared about each other. "ELLIOT Oh please, if you didn't want to with me you would've done the same thing. J.D. I didn't want to sleep with you. ELLIOT Uh-huh. And Turk's getting married? J.D. Yes, he is... eventually. I'll tell you one thing. There's nothing in the world that would make me sleep with you. now. ELLIOT (sexy) Do me right here. J.D. Okay. ELLIOT See? J.D. Damn. AS J.D. REACTS FRUSTRATED, The DOOR OPENS. DR. COX Right. Hand me a trach kit, please? J.D. does so and Dr. Cox closes the door. ELLIOT Great. J.D. Our date is totally canceled. As Elliot reacts: It's Dr. Cox. FADE OUT: 34

35 36 37 38 39 40 SCRURBS 22 ACT TWO INT. ON-CALL FOYER -- AFTERNOON J.D. sits on the floor, leans against the door of the on- call room (a tiny room with makeshift beds) . J.D (v.0.) I was sitting on the floor for two reasons. One, I tried to lock Elliot in that supply closet and she kicked me. Hard. And two, the on-call room was locked. J.D. C'mon, I've got like ten minutes to sleep. INT. ON-CALL ROOM CONTINUOUS Carla and Turk are kissing. TURK Tell me if I'm going too fast. CARLA Lose the clothes. Turk considers this for a beat then UNDRESSES FRANTICALLY. INT. HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS J.D (v.0.) I heard that Turk was going to move in with Todd. I'm surprised that high-fiving freak isn't in there with him. INT. ON-CALL ROOM -- CONTINUOUS In J.D.'S FANTASY - We see Turk and Carla tenderly making love (under the covers) as a fully dressed Todd cheers Turk on, giving him HIGH-FIVES: TODD Look at you, T-man! You're on fire! INT. HALLWAY ~- CONTINUOUS Back to reality as J.D. chuckles and leans back. INT. ON-CALL ROOM -- CONTINUOUS Turk is undressed. Carla checks him out. CARLA Nice. TURK Your turn. CARLA Nah, I've gotta get back. But very nice. (CONTINUED) 35 36 37 38 39 40

23 SCRUBS PINK TURK I'm off Friday, you feel like making me dinner? CARLA Que me estas Biciendo? TURK Or I could take you out. Your call. CARLA Date a surgeon? With the God complex and the married-to-the-work? CARLA CHUCKLES, OPENS THE DOOR, ruffles J.D.'s hair. ’ CARLA (CONT'D) Hey Bambi. Turk and J.D. watch her EXIT, then: TURK You coming in? J.D. Thought I might wait for you not be naked. AS TURK NODS IN AGREEMENT AND CLOSES THE DOOR: CUT TO: INT. I.C.U. NURSES STATION -- LATER An orderly pushes Mr. Burski down the hall. Carla is there. J.D. ENTERS, checks out Mr. Burski's flowery gown. J.D. You look adorable. MR. BURSKI Ah, the hell with everything. J.D. Hey, I got your test results. You're ) gonna be fine. One more night and you're out of here. Mr. Burski covers J.D.'s hand with his. MR. BURSKI Thank you. Thank you so much. J.D. No problem. J.D. enjoys the moment, then SIGNS THE ORDERLY'S CHART. ELLIOT ENTERS from the other side. A male patient calls out: PATIENT (O.S.) Nursey... Cutie pie... Nurse... (CONTINUED)

SCRUBS BLUE ELLIOT I'm a doctor, okay. The white coat, the stethoscope - a doctor, got it? 232

SCRUBS BLUE CARLA Relax. . ELLIOT I just hate it. I hate the "darlin's", I hate the "sweethearts”... CARLA You don't need to tell me how hard it is being a woman around here. Bored, Mr. Burski sighs and WHEELS OUT OF FRAME. ELLIOT Well, you're certainly furthering the cause by wearing a thong to work and hooking up in the on-call room. Excited, Mr. Burski WHEELS BACK INTO FRAME. ELLIOT (CONT'D) ‘Word gets around. CARLA (slow build) You talk like that, do you even know my name? I'm 34, I spend every second of my life either here, or taking care of my mom, so yeah, maybe I needed a little closeness. I'm sure you never had a quickie at the club, or snuck some skinny, flat-butted, college boy up to your sorority room, and Kou judge me? And my thong - I like to think it makes my ass look good, and some days I need to feel good about something around here, and you judge me? Well, guess what. Word does get around, Ms. "Out for herself", so you can dump on everyone here if you want, but you will not hurt me. (then, weakly) You will not hurt me... 24 As she EXITS, hurt, they all stay frozen for a beat, then: J.D. Look at you making new friends. CUT TO:

42 SCRUBS BLUE 25 INT. EXAM ROCM -- AFTERNOON Dr. Cox is with Billy, an eight-year-old, when J.D. enters. J.D. I couldn't get any sleep 'cause Turk practically had sex in the on-call room. DR. COX You are aware that I have no idea who Turk is, but good for him. 'Cause Billy, sex is life-affirming. Now, how bout you give me a urine sample, captain. - . BILLY But I just did five minutes ago. DR. COX Tell you what. This time put the cup on the ground and just go nuts. Billy exits excitedly to the bathroom. J.D. Seems like a good kid. DR. COX Yeah. Why are you here? J.D (v.0.) I'm worried about being on call tonight. DR. COX You're worried about being on call tonight. : J.D. No. J.D (v.0.) I don't think I can handle it. _ DR. COX You you can handle it, do you? J.D (v.0.) Stop doing that. DR. COX Look, worst case scenario, you kill someone and it hangs over your head your whole life, but that's absolute worst case. (off J.D.'s reaction) Jeez, Newbie, just use the nurses for all the stuff you're still too chicken to do, which is, I'm guessing, everything. And if there's a really tough admission-- J.D. Call you? (CONTINUED) 42

SCRUBS PINK DR. COX God, no. I was going to say you can hide in the closet again. 25A

43 . 44 | 45 ! | | i i 46 SCRUBS 26 J.D. exits as Dr. Cox LAUGHS, then turns to see that Billy has RE-ENTERED. BILLY That was mean. DR. COX Yeah, maybe... You forgive me, pal? . L BILLY I will if you talk about sex some more. DR. COX . (beat, then) Boobies. As BILLY GIGGLES: CUT TO: INT. PENTHOUSE -- NIGHT : 43 J.D. stares at the clock. 1It's two minutes until eight. Dr. Kelso enters. DR. KELSO Hey champ. First night on call starts soon, huh? Gosh, you must be excited. INT. UTILITY ROOM -- CONTINUOUS 44 J.D. on his knees puking into a sink/toilet. INT. PENTHOUSE -- CONTINUOUS 45 J.D. You betcha. DR. KELSO Oh, About Mrs. Pratt - I heard that you want to put her on the hospital's transplant list. Just thought I'd recommend sticking with dialysis a while longer. Maybe we'll get lucky. J.D. No problem. DR. KELSO Great. Have a ball, on-call. Little poem for vya. J.D. fake laughs as Dr. Kelso EXITS, then LOOKS BACK to the clock as it hits 8:00. After a beat, his BEEPER GOES OFF. CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL ENTRANCE -- NIGHT 46 The MONTAGE starts with J.D. timidly looking at a crowded room full of latenight admissions. (Drunks, homeless, etc.)

47 { . 48 i 48A 49 50 51 i i 53 1 ! » - SCRUBS PINK 27 INT. EXAM ROOM -- NIGHT 47 A DOCTOR does a spinal tap. J.D. flinches at the procedure. * INT. I.C.U. MAIN PATIENT'S ROOM -- NIGHT 48 J.D. checking a patient's heart monitor. Notices the guy is asleep, and grabs a half eaten burger off his tray. INT. ON-CALL ROOM -- NIGHT 48A J.D. settles onto a cot, flicks off the light. Immediately, Carla flicks it on, beckons him. INT. FOUR BED PATIENT'S ROOM -~ NIGHT 49 J.D. nods off while doing an abdomal exam. Nurse Roberts * flicks his ear, wakes him. OMITTED 50 INT. ER/WAITING ROCM -- NIGHT 51 J.D. attempts to place an I.V., can't. The annoyed NURSE TAKES OVER. Chaos all around him. J.D. rubs his temples as everyone MOVES AT SURREAL SPEED. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY/I.C.U. -- LATENIGHT - 52 The BING of the elevator door opening. J.D. gets out pushing a patient, talking sweetly to her: J.D. I'll check on every ten minutes, okay, Mrs. Marino? NURSE ROBERTS * (cold, stonefaced) I need you in Mr. Burski's room. Are you flirting'gith me? CUT TO: INT. PATIEfiT'S ROOM -- CONTINUOUS 53 Mr. Burski is dead. NURSE ROBERTS * He crashed while you were admitting in the E.R. The attending thinks it was a pulmonary embolism, no way anyone could've ggught it. Anyway, you have to pronounce im. J.D. But the tests said he was fine.

SCRUBS PINK NURSE ROBERTS Could you just pronounce him so I can go home? J.D (v.0.) I'll never forget that moment. The moonlight on his face. The stillness. The shame that all I could think about was how hard this was for me. J.D. (beat) Time of death 0200. The nurse EXITS. J.D. stands there motionless. J.D (v.0.) The hell with everything. 28 CUT TO: * *

54 It's late. SCRUBS BLUE J.D. I think it's okay to be scared. - TURK Yeah? I really need you to tell me stuff like that once in a while... J.D (Vv.0.) He needs me? 29 INT. CATSCAN ROOM -- NIGHT 54 J.D. is tending to a pizza delivery kid. PIZZA GUY What happened? . J.D. You were delivering a pizza to the emergency room, and apparently our sliding glass door malfunctioned, and you just ran right into the glass. You're going to be fine, but you gave yourself a good concussion, so you might have a little short term memory loss, maybe some nausea. PIZZA GUY (nods, then) What happened? J.D (v.0.) Oh, make it stop. TURK (0.S.) Man, I lied before, I'm scared every second. . J.D. turns to see Turk in street clothes. J.D. Really? TURK Jeez, J.D., all the blood. Thank God for the surgical mask, man, 'cause without it everyone would know that I look like this whole time. Turk OPENS HIS MOUTH WIDE in exaggerated terror. J.D. laughs.

55 56 SCRUBS BLUE 30 TURK Anyway, I just wanted to check on you. J.D (v.0.) Just say it. J.D. You know the offer still stands if you want to move in with-- TURK Already took the keys from your bag. As Turk EXITS: PIZZA GUY What happened? J.D. I'll tell you later. INT. HALLWAY -- EARLY MORNING 55 J.D. sits on a gurney working on a chart as an orderly pushes him down the hallway. J.D (v.0.) And like that, I got a second wind. J.D. Easses the JANITOR, who menacingly HOLDS UP A PENNY. J.D ops off the gurney, enters the penthouse. INT. PENTHOUSE -- CONTINUOUS 56 Elliot removes her coat, having just arrived for work. ELLIOT Are you telling everyone that I screwed you over at rounds? J.D. Not everyone. Only the people that work here. Oh, and my parents. : Angry, she turns to her locker as Dr. Kelso ENTERS. DR. KELSO Morning. How're you holding up? J.D (v.0.) 5 Ahh, there he is. My safety net. DR. KELSO I saw that you're still for putting Mrs. Pratt on the transplant list. Bad news though, sport, she doesn't have the insurance to cover it-- (CONTINUED)

SCRUBS BLUE J.D. Yeah, but the lady's a second away from total renal failure-- DR. KELSO Uh-huh, Okay. Did you ask the Burski family for permission to do an autopsy? 30A

SCRUBS PINK 31 J.D. They're still in there with him... DR. KELSO This is a teaching hospital, son. Gotta ask. J.D (v.0.) Just tell him how you'll ask every time from now on, but you can't face those people again. He'll understand. J.D. Sir, do you think I could just skip this one? DR. KELSO Sure, sport. J.D (V.0.) See? Every story needs a good guy. DR. KELSO In fact, why don't you just head home, you look tired. J.D. I am pretty tired. DR. KELSO Mr. Dorian, do you not realize that you're nothing but a couple of large pairs of surgical scrubs to me? For God's sake, the reason I carry this chart around is so I can pretend to remember all your damn names. Now, if the patient has insurance, treat them, if not, show them the door. And if someone dies, you get the autopsy. You get it by rounds tomorrow, or I'll be crossing your name ‘off my chart, are we clear...? Answer me. J.D. looks up to see Dr. Kelso's suddenly RED DEVIL EYES: J.D. Crystal clear, sir. DR. KELSO Great, sport. DR. KELSO EXITS and J.D. and Elliot share a look, then: J.D (v.0.) I don't get it. If he's a jerk, then who's the good guy? As J.D.'s beeper goes off:

N SCRUBS PINK 32 INT. I.C.U. ROOM -- MOMENTS LATER DR. COX pumps a young man's chest as J.D. ENTERS. CARLA Car accident, he was stable in the E.R., went into arrest about twenty seconds ago. . DR. COX We need to relieve the pressure in the chest. J.D., do it. J.D (v.0.) Oh, God, no. DR. COX Look at me. You can do this. J.D (V.0.) And I believed him... J.D. (to Carla, voice cracking) Chest tube tray. J.D (v.0.) Kinda. She gives him the equipment. J.D. takes a deep breath and MAKES AN INCISION above a rib. He then tries to put the clamped tube in through the lining of the chest. J.D (V.0.) (CONT'D) Oh man, oh man, oh man-- J.D. I can't pop it through the pleura. DR. COX Don't be gentle, c'mon now... With a big strain, J.D PUSHES THE CLAMP in all the way. J.D. Connect it, please Carla. Carla plugs the open end of the tube into the vacuum and it immediately fills with blood. The monitor beeps stronger. CARLA Normal rhythm. J.D. No way. DR. COX See? Piece of cake. (then, backing off) Your patient. * 57

SCRUBS BLUE 33 J.D. You don't have to go if you don't want to... j = DR. COX Your patient, Doctor. Dr. Cox gives him an AWKWARD PAT ON THE BACK, EXITS. J.D. and Carla continue working for a few beats, then: CARLA Go ahead. J.D. raises his arms like he just won the Tour De France. CUT TO: 58 INT. ER/ADMISSIONS -- MORNING 58 Dr. Cox is with BILLY and his ANGRY PARENTS. DR. COX Billy, apparently your parents are upset about some language they think you might have picked up here. BILLY Boobies. DR. COX A (to parents) - Let me scare some sense into him. (as the parents exit) Let's hear it. BILLY (sounds like vagina) Bagima. DR. COX Atta boy. Dr. Cox NODS CONSPIRATORIALLY at - REVEAL J.D.: J.D (v.0.) So I guess that's it for now. Thirty-one hours, twelve minutes and I am-- . ELLIOT You finally off? J.D. turns to see Elliot. J.D. Almost. I have one more really annoying thing to do. ELLIOT ' “L ) If you're talking about getting the Burski .. autopsy, I alre?dy c?lled the family for MORE

% SCRUBS PINK ELLIOT (CONT'D) you and they said fine, and to thank you, and I'm sorry... They didn't say that last part, I did. J.D (v.0.) The worst Eart was knowing right then that I could never forgive her. ELLIOT I'm really sorry. She KISSES him gently on the cheek, walks off. J.D (v.0.) I forgive her... You see, I can't survive on my own. JEFFERY PASSES, snottily says "Good-night": JEFFERY I'm a tool-I'm a tool. J.D. watches him go, then looks around, takes it all in. J.D (V.0.) Even now, when I finally get to go home and go to in the back of my head, I'l1 the hospital's still Wide awake. for me to come back tomorrow so it can try to beat me. CARLA Bambi, get out while you still can. J.D. snaps out of it, turns his beeper off, HEADS OUT: J.D (v.0.) But what the hell. The most important thing is that I EOt through my first three days without looking like a complete idiot. Coming toward us, J.D.'S FACE IS SMUSHED against tle glass as he WALKS THE BROKEN SLIDING GLASS DOOR. J.D.'S POV as things are blurred and hazy. ELLIOT Get a gurney! CARLA Damn door... JANITOR If you ask me he had it coming. Blackness. J.D (V.0.) I'm the man. END OF SHOW 34