A VEERONICA’S CLOSET title) Written by David Crane & Marta Kauffman Writers’ Second Draft March 21, 1997 FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY

TEASER SCENE A FADE IN: INT. RONNTE’S APARTMENT - MORNING CLOSE ON A TELEVISION. ON IT, AN INTERVIEW IS IN PROGRESS. KATIE COURIC IS INTERVIEWING VERONICA WELLS. RONNIE (TO HER FRIENDS) IS PROMOTING HER LATEST BOOK. KATIE COURIC (ON T.V.) So how did it happen? One day, you‘re a lingerie designer on Seventh Avenue, and the next day -- RONNIE (ON T.V.) Twelve years later. KATIE COURIC (ON T.V.) -- you’ve got the stores and the catalogue and the self-help tapes -- RONNIE (ON T.V.) And the book. KATIE COURIC (ON T.V.) (SMILING) VYes, the Book. Would you like to talk about the book? RONNIE (ON T.V.) (NONCHALANT) 1f you want. SHE HOLDS THE BOOK. MEANWHILE, WE PULL BACK TO REVEAL THAT THE T.V. IS IN RONMNIE’S ELEGANT-BUT-WARM MANHATTAN APARTMENT. HER HUSBAND BRYCE IS WATCHING THE INTERVIEW. BRYCE IS IN HIS FORTIES, HIGHLY ATTRACTIVE AND EXTREMELY CHARMING.

ONCE A SUCCESSFUL FASHION DESIGNER HIMSELF, HE IS NOW CONTENT TO LIVE HIS LIFE AS MR. VERONICA WELLS. HE’S NORMAN MAINE FROM "A STAR IS BORN", ONLY HE DIDN’T HAVE THE DIGNITY TO KILL HIMSELF. BRYCE (CALLING OFF) Ronnie, honey, you’‘re missing it! KATIE COURIC (ON T.V.) Now, in the kook, you say that any marriage can be a great romance. RONNIE (ON T.V.) Absolutely. Of course, I’'m pretty spoiled. I have the perfect husband. BRYCE (CALLING OFF) Thank you very much! RONNIE (ON T.V.) But I truly believe that if there’s love and respect, then any marriage can be a fairy tale marriage. JUST THEN, RONNIE ENTERS. SHE IS HOLDING A BRA AND DOESN’T LOOK PLEASED. RONNIE What‘s this? BRYCE It’s not a bra? RONNIE It’s not ny bra.

éRYCE CAN ONLY BRYCE (WINCING) Shoot. RONNIE I have a question: How stupid are the women you fool around with that they don’t even remember they came in with a bra?! OFFER HER A HAPLESS SMILE. ON THE TV: KATIE COURIC (ON T.V.) Once again, the bock is called "The Guide to a Fairy Tale Marriage". FADE OUT.

ACT ONE SCENE B FADE IN: INT. "VERONICA’S CLOSET" RECEPTION - NEXT MORNING SOPHISTICATED CORPORATE OFFICES, BUT WITH A FEMININE TOUCH. RONNIE GETS OFF THE ELEVATOR. HER ASSISTANT JOSH IS WAITING TO GREET HER WITH A CUP OF COFFEE. JOSH IS IN HIS TWENTIES -- SMART, WITTY, WITH A DRY SENSE OF HUMOR -- THE PERFECT ASSISTANT, WHO BOTH LOVES AND HATES HIS JOB AS RONNIE’S PERSONAL SLAVE. JOSH (HANDING HER COFFEE) There was no vanilla non-dairy creamer. Only hazelnut. If you fire me now, I can be ocut of here in five minutes. RONNIE - Hazelnut’s okay. JOSH Damn. RESET TO: INT. HATIWAY - CONTINUOUS THEY START TO WALK TOWARD RONNIE’S OFFICE. AS SHE INHALES THE COFFEE, JOSH FILLS HER IN ABOUT HER DAY. JOSH Okay. got your regular 9:30 with the three-headed beast -- Olive’s here, Leo and Dina are running late. (MORE)

JOSH (CONT’D) The proofs for the winter catalogue are on your desk. The periwinkle bras are looking a little lilac -- don’< szart hemorrhaging, aware, the reshoot’s . This afternoon, you’ve got : 2. store opening at the Falrbrook Mall -- Mall -- Pleasant Happy I don’t know! Oh, and I <2 up with Sally this weekend, thank you. THEY PASS JOSH’S AREA AND HEAD INTO RONNTIE’S QFFICE. RESET TO: INT. RONNIE’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS IT IS A LARGE, LAVISH OFFICE WITH A DESK AT ONE AND A SEATING ARRANGEMENT AT THE OTHER. RONNIE I'm sorry. JOSH Yeah yeah yeah. I don’t even know why it didn’t work out. RONNIE Maype it’s kecause... you’re gay! JOSH We don’t (SLIGHT HESITATION) necessarily know that.

HE STARTS TO EXIT. OLIVE ENTERS. OLIVE HANDLES THE BUSINESS SIDE OF COMPANY. RONNIE gay, Josh! You’re a gay man! JOSH Would you stop saying that. You and my mother. What is with you two? RONNIE We just want you to be happy. JOSH Here. Take your vitamins. By the way, I found them in the trash again on Friday. RONNIE I hate vitamins. JOEH Really? Most people love them. Now, come on. They‘re good for you. Besides, I slipped a tranquilizer in there. So there’s a little something for everyone. THIRTY-FIVE TO FIFTY -- CYNICAL, SARCASTIC, SELF-ASSURED. OLIVE Morning. Coffee, please. Black, two sugars. SHE’S ANYWHERE FROM

JOSH You’re kidding. I’ve only made it for you, like, a million times. HE EXITS. OLIVE TURNS TO RONNIE. OLIVE Hello. Don’t ask. How was your weekend? RONNIE JUST MAKES A FACE. OLIVE (CONT’D) What’d you find this time? RONNIE Bra behind the couch. BEFORE OLIVE CAN RESPOND TO THIS, JOSH ENTERS WITH A TRAY OF DANISH. HE SETS IT ON THE COFFEE TABLE. HE STARTS TO GO. THE WOMEN BCTH REACH FOR THE SAME DANISH. OLIVE You take the raisin. Your husband cheated on you. HEARING THIS, JOSH PIVOTS TO HEAR THE DIRT. RONNIE Look, Josh is leaving. JOSH PIVOTS AGAIN AND EXITS. RONNIE TURNS BACK TO OLIVE WHO IS STARING AT HER PCINTEDLY. RONNIE (CONT’D) Stop looking at me like that. What do you want me to do? OLIVE I don’t know. You could, say... divorce the mar!

RONNIE (BRIGHTLY) Hey, there’s a thought. I could ruin my business and be alone. OLIVE Look, I realize you two are supposed to be this poster couple for true romance, but... RONNIE But what? Do you actually have something to follow that '"but"? OLIVE No. (BEAT) Yes. You should be happy. RONNIE I am happy. Ish. I‘m just afraid that if people find out about the "ish", then I will no longer be The Queen of Romance -- I will be The Queen of Stupid Women Who Got Screwed Over. OLIVE So this has nothing to do with the fact that you still have feelings for him?

RONNIE (CAUGHT) I -- I do not have anything even... remotely resembling... feelings. OLIVE Oh, please. It’s me. On some level you still love your husband. RONNIE That is a terrible thing to say! OLIVE (UNCONVINCED) All right, then. RONNIE My only concern is protecting business. This company is my life. My husband is just the guy who sleeps in the other bedroom. (THEN) Do you think if we’re quick, we can eat all the danish before the other people qet'hgré?’ OLIVE One more thought? RONNIE No! Didn’t you hear me just change the subject? We’re on "danish" now! Only things about "danish"!

JOSH ENTERS, ON THE MEETING. RESPONSIBLE FOR TWENTIES -- EAGEFR, OLIVE (PLOWING ON) I just think if you’re not going to leave him, you have the happiness he does. RONNIE r2 golng with this? OLIVE . .rZ? Cheat. RONNIE Oh. 2. Mo. No. OLIVE Wher was the last time you had sex? RONNIE With someone else? (QOFF OLIVE’S LOOK) I couldn’t do it. It’s just not ne. OLIVE Let tell you something: I never cheated on my first two husbands -- RONNIE Just so you know, no one will ever take a plece of advice that starts that way. G COFFEE. HE STAYS TO TAKE NOTES oI ENTERS WITH HIM. SHE IS HANDISE. SHE’S IN HER LATE FULL OF ENERGY. 10

DINA Morning! RONNIE What all-natural, homeopathic energy boosters are you on? DINA Bee pollen! I can not recommend it highly enough! I feel -- RONNIE sit! DINA (SITTING) Yeahy okay. LEO _ENTERS. HE IS THE THIRD MEMBER OF RONNIE’S MANAGEMENT TEAM. LEO HANDLES MARKETING AND PUBLICITY. HE’S AROUND THIRTY -- SWEET, HUGGABLE, OFTEN HARRIED. HOWEVER, TODAY HE IS GRINNING FROM EAR TO EAR. LEO Sorry, I’m late. HE KISSES RONNIE ON THE HAND, ON THE CHEEK, ON THE FOREHEAD. LEO (CONT’D) I love you. I love this woman. RONNIE I gather it went well with Rita last night. LEO And again this morning. I have the happiest, sexiest-feeling pregnant wife in New York City. 11

DINA Eeewww. . LEO (IGNORING HER; TO RONNIE) You are a genius. You’ll be getting flowers from my genitals later today. RONNIE (BEAT) understand if I don’t smell them. (THEN) Okay, let’s get started. I only have -- JOSH An hour. RONNIE -- an hour. Dazzle me. DINA All right. Just don’t say '"no" right away. ' RONNIE Okay. .. DINA (DEEP BREATH) Edible underwear. (OFF RONNIE’S LOOK) And there’s the face. RONNIE I'm not saying '"no". DINA You’re thinking it. 12

SHE PRODUCES A THEM. RONNIE I can’t even think "no"?? DINA I admit, it’s a little tacky -- RONNIE It’s candy pants! DINA (SELLING HARD) However, we’ve had great success with erotica in the past. This could be a huge Valentines item, both in the stores and in the catalogue. I’m telling you, there is a big market out there for people who want to eat each other’s underwear! (THEN, CASUAL) Besides, it’s just really cool. Check 1t out. BUNCH OF SAMPLES. THE GROUP EXAMINES RONNIE (UNENTHUSED) Tutti frutti. OLIVE Bubble gum? For whom is Bazooka Joe erotic? RONNIE RAISES AN EYEBROW AT JOSH. JOSH Would you let it go! 13

RONNIE All right, look, I will only consider carrying these -- DINA Yay! RONNIE -- if we can make them in sensuous, sophisticated flavors. Champagne. Creme caramel. JOSH Veal! DINA (TO RONNIE) Great. have new samples by next week. Not the veal. RONNIE (TO OLIVE) I also want to see the production costs on that. (RE: THE UNDERWEAR) I can’t imagine you’d want to sweat in these. (THEN) All right, what else? OLIVE ) (EVIL GRIN) I think it’s Leo’s turn. LEO (UNEASY) No, Olive, you go. That’s okay. 14

OLIVE All right. (QUICKLY, TO RONNIE) Here’s a3 draft of the shareholder’s -- let me Know what you to you, Leo. HE HESITATES. RONNIE Lec. .. LEO The guys in Marketing fee. -- :nd this is really them, nct -2, them, totally them... RONNIE Why am I already hating this? LEOC Their feeling is that it’s a bit problematic -- well, more than a bit... DINA Take longer. LEO (IN A BLURT) Okay, we need new pictures of you on the packaging. RONNIE (SURFRISED) Oh. LEO PRODUCES A SANPLZ LINGERIE PACKAGE. NEXT TO THE "VERONICA’S CLOSET" LOGO IS A YOUNGER RONNIE IN A NEGLIGEE.

RONNIE FREEZES, IN ONE MOTION, RONNIE GRABS A PAPERWEIGHT AND JOSH LEO It’s just that this pictured is fifteen years old... RONNIE Fine. So let’s take new pictures. LEO Here’s the thing. The guys feel -- and, again, them, not me, never me -- that your... physique is not quite what it was then. HER DANISH INCHES FROM HER MOUTH. J&SH Can I stop taking notes, and just enjoy? RONNIE Look, when I took those pictures, I'd just gotten over pneumonia and it was a week before my wedding! Cartoon characters aren’t this thin! LEO I totally understand. So our thought is... we use your head -- which never looked better, by the way... and put it on someone else’s body . WHISKS IT OUT OF HER HAND. 16

RONNIE No. The answer is no. The company is called "Veronica’s Closet". Not "Veronica’s Head’s Closet". If you need me to have... less physique, then I’ll do it myself. I can look like this again. just... diet. JOSH Oh, no. No. I beg of you. I can not live through another one of your diets. And this is so not the week for it. The water retention alone is gonna kill us. RONNIE Well, I don’t care. You’re not putting my head on some skinny bitch’s body! OLIVE Told you she’d take it well. 17 DISSOLVE TO:

SCENE C EXT. STREET - LATER THAT MORNING RONNIE COMES OUT OF HER OFFICE BUILDING AND HEADS TOWARD A WAITING LIMOUSINE. A WOMAN SEES HER AND STOPS. WOMAN (EXCITED) O©Oh, ny god. You’re her. You’re Veronica Wells. RONNIE I'm her. WOMAN Can I just tell you: your first book saved my marriage! And also your Eyelet High-cut Briefs ride up in the back. RONNIE Well, I’m happy to hear the first thing, and I promise we’ll work on the second -- nobody likes a wedgie. . WOMAN Thank you. THE WOMAN BEAMS AS RONNIE MOVES TO THE WAITING CAR. HER CHAUFFEUR, PAT, HOLDS HER DOOR OPEN. HE IS IN HIS SIXTIES, STILL VITAL, AND VERY MUCH THE CHARMER. RONNIE Morning. PAT And a lovely morning it is. 18

RONNIE SQUINTS AT HIM. RONNIE You’re drunk again. PAT I am not drunk. At the moment, am merely... colorful. RONNIE Too colorful to drive? PAT (CONSIDERS THIS) Legally? RONNIE (SIGHS) Dad... I CUT TO: 19

INT. LIMOUSINE RONNIE IS BEHIND BACK. SCENE D - MoMENTS LATER DRIVING. PAT IS IN THE HE POURS HIMSELF -~ = RONNIE Do - .~.. w“here we’re going? PAT Jer . -zrewhere. RONNIE Whaz :re doing? PAT You’re the designated driver now. (THEN) Why are you going through the park? I'm gonna take the bridge. PAT Take the tunnel. RONNIE Too nuch traffic. PAT The bridge is twice as far. RONNIE The tunnel could collapse and we drown. 20

BEAT. PAT Oh, and that never happens to bridges? RONNIE Can I ask you a guestion? PAT Shoot. RONNIE You think you can cheat on someone and still love them? PAT Or take the bridge. RONNIE I'm serious. PAT Shouldn’t you be asking your husband this? RONNIE He’s not in the car. (THEN) Did you still love Mom when you were cheating on her? | PAT I have not had nearly enough to drink to answer these questions. (OFF RONNIE’'S SILENCE) Yes, I loved your mother. (MORE) 21

PAT (CONT’D) I still love your mother. I just know she’s better off without me. (LOOKING DOWN) I'm wearing two different shoes. RONNIE Olive thinks I should cheat on Bryce. PAT I always liked Olive. You think her and me could -- RONNIE No. PAT So, you gonna? RONNIE Nah. PAT You sure? ‘Cause he certainly deserves to be cheated on. And if you’ve gct someone who you love and who loves you... (BEAT) So... is there someone? RONNIE I imagine there is somewhere. (THEN) I just can’t see myself doing 1it. 22

. PAT You don’‘t kncw. Maybe someday you’ll find somebody wonderful enough to cheat on your husband with. RONNIE I wouldn’t count on it. ! PAT A father can only hope. (BEAT) Seriously, take the tunnel. AS THEY CONTINUE TO ARGUE AND DRIVE... 23 DISSOLVE TO:

24 SCENE _E INT. RECEPTION AREA - THE NEXT DAY RONNIE GETS OFF THE FLEVATOR. JOSH IS THERE TO GREET HER WITH A GLASS OF WATER. JOSH Morning. RONNIE (STARING AT GLASS) This coffee’s too weak. JOSH Twelve eight-ounce glasses. Start drinking. RESET TO: INT. AREA - CONTINUOQUS AS THEY WALK TO RONNIE OFFICE: JOSH (CONT’D) Now, what do you want for breakfast? Half an orange or twelve grapes? RONNIE have the grapes. And the danish. Cheese danish. For the protein. JOSH Twelve grapes coming up. RONNIE You hate me.

1 JOSH ' Your trainer should be here any minute. RONNIE You a lot. f OLIVE COMES UP, ' OLIVE . I need signatures. | RONNIE Wha- .- . signing? OLIVE Ycu’r= me a vacation home. BEFORE RONNIE CAN LCOK AT THE DOCUMENTS, A SPECTACULAR MAN COMES UP TO THEM. HE IS PHYSICAL PERFECTION IN EVERY WAY. REG Excuse me? Hi. Reg. The trainer? Here to "make a new you"? RONNIE (SMITTEN) Of course you are. (TO THE He’s here to make a new ne. (TO REG) Why don’t you go on in. I’ll be right behind you. SHE CRINKLES HER NOSE AT HIM. REG SMILES AND EXITS INTO RONNTIE’S OFFICE. RONNIE, OLIVE AND JOSH ALL WATCH HIM, UNDRESSING HIM WITH THEIR EYES. ALL THREE ) SIGH. RONNIE GLA!HCES AT JOSH AND RAISES AN EYEBROW. JOSH I'm not!

OLIVE (TO RONNIE, MEANINGFULLY) very cute. RONNIE So? (GETTING IT) Oh, please. He’s, like, twenty. OLIVE (WISTFUL) Yeah. RONNIE Would you put your glands back in their cages. I am just going to . get tralned. That’s all. SHE STARTS INTO HER OFFICE. THEN PAUSES TO ADJUST HER MAKE-UP, FLUFF HER HAIR AND CHECK FOR LIPSTICK ON HER TEETH. SHE EXITS INTO HER OFFICE. RESET INT. RONNTIE’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS REG IS MOVING THE FURNITURE ASIDE. RONNIE ENTERS AND FINDS HERSELF STARING STRAIGHT AT HIS RATHER FIRM BEHIND. RONNIE (CAPTIVATED) Need any help? REG I've got it. RONNIE Yes, you do. REG Before we start, I’ve gotta tell you, Miss Wells... this is kind of a thrill for me. 26

v HE LAUGHS. RONNIE It’s Ronnie. And tell me why it’s a thrill. REG Well... oh god, okay... I’ve always had sort of a pretty big crush on you. RONNIE (AW SHUCKS) On me? Noooo. REG Yup. Ever since I was a little boy. RONNIE (DEFLATING) Oh, good. All the way Since then. REG My mom used to get your catalogues. I thought you were so hot. You were kind of my first. RONNIE Well, now I feel old and dirty. REG Yeah, like you’re old. RONNIE (PLEASED AGAIN) I see what you mean. HAVING CLEARED THE FURNITURE, HE FACES HER. 27

REG Okay, lay down. RONNIE (STARTLED) What? REG On your back, on the floor, legs apart, knees up. RONNIE SHE GETS DOWN ON HER BACK. REG All right, now, you’re gonna be using me -- Eyes open. RONNIE REG You’re gonna be using me as your weights. I am your resistance. RONNIE Qooo. HE LEANS DOWN OVER HER. SHE DOES. REG Start by putting your feet on my chest. RONNIE Mmmm . I can feel with my toes, you‘re so strong. 28

SHE BUT HIM SHE NOW REG Okay, bend your knees. Now, lower me toward you. RONNIE REG Slower. Slower. There you go. Now push me away. Push. Push me away . RONNIE I don’t wanna. REG C’'mon. You’re doing great. RELUCTANTLY PUSHES HIM AWAY. REG (CCNT’D) Now lower me toward you. (SHE DOES) Now push me away. INSTEAD OF PUSHING HIM AWAY, SHE CONTIfiUES LOWERING TOWARDS HER. REG (CONT’D) Push. Push. No, push me away. CONTINUES TO BRING HIS BODY CLOSER. HER FACE IS INCHES FROM HIS. IT’S VERY INTIMATE. REG (CONT'’D) (LIPS NEAR HERS) You’re not pushing. KONNIE No. that a problem? 29

30 REG Not for ne. SHE LOWERS HIM STILL FURTHER. THEN: RONNIE o3 [€) I I can’t do WITH ALL HER PUSH HIM UP AND OFF HER. HE STUMBLES BACK. REG zZhat pretty well. RONNIE GETS UP. AND UPSET. RONNIE Oka,, done. REG But we just started. RONNIE Yes, well, that’s all Miss Wells can do. She wishes she could do more, believe me, but that’s it. Bye-bye. REG But -- RONNIE Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. SHE HUSTLES HIM OUT. THEN LEANS AGAINST THE DOOR AND LETS OUT A WHIMPER. SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED AND DESPERATELY HUNGRY, SHE REACHES FOR THE EDIBLE UNDERWEAR. SHE INTC THEM AND STARTS BINGING. AFTER A MOMENT, DINA AND LEO ENTER. THEY CATCH RONNIE WITH *ER MOUTH FULL OF PANTIES.

BEAT. OLIVE DOES. RONNIE All right, fine! Find me a body! I can’t be celibate and thin! OLIVE We’ve got bigger things to worry about. RONNIE (STILL UPSET) Oh, good! DINA (TO LEO) Tell her. LEO Why is it always me? OLIVE I’1]l tell her. We’ve learned that in Liz Smith’s column tomorrow, she’s reporting that your husband was spotted coming out of a hotel room with a blonde. RONNIE Pass me the chocolate underpants. AS RONNIE CHOWS MISERABLE... FADE OUT. 31

ACT TWO SCENE H FADE IN: INT. RONNIE’S LIVING ROOM - THAT NIGHT BRYCE IS MAKING HIMSELF A CUP OF TEA. BRYCE Hello, darling. RONNIE Who’s the blonde? BRYCE RONNTE ENTERS. (GENUINELY UNSURE) You'’re going to have to give me a little more than that. RONNIE Last week at the Sherry-Netherlands? BRYCE (GOT IT) Oh, okay. RONNIE Who is she? No, I don’t want to Know. Yeah, I want to know. No, I want to know. Just tell me this, do you think she’s someone we can pay to keep quiet? BRYCE Absolutel 32

RONNIE (SARCASTIC) I feel so much better. BRYCE (OFFERING) Tea? RONNIE : oh, well, tea will change everything. BRYCE ' Don’t blame the tea. , RONNIE You think I blame the tea?? BRYCE I was hoping. BEAT. SHE SMACKS HIS ARM. HARD. BEAT. [ BRYCE {CONT’D) RONNIE All right, so we pay off this girl. ' (HESITATES) No, I don’t want to know. (THEN) And then you and I are going to have to do some major damage control. . We’re talking a very public display of affection. ' BRYCE what I'm here for. (THEN) So. If that’s everything.'. HE STARTS TO CROSS AWAY WITH HIS TEA. )

RONNIE Hang on, Bucko. You may want to sit down for this. BRYCE I'm sorry? RONNIE Assuming this works -- and god help us if it doesn’t -- I want you to promise rme that you will never have another affair again. BRYCE (BEAT) You’re asking a lot. RONNIE Yes, I realize it’s hard not to cheat on your wife. But if people find out that’s what you’re doing, then they will stop buying my things, and then we will have to stop buying things, and we all know how much you like things. BRYCE (SINCERE) I understand. (THEN) No women ever? RONNIE Why is this such a hard concept? HE WEIGHS HIS OPTIONS FOR A LONG BEAT. THEN: 34

BRYCE (RELUCTANT) All right. I won’t cheat on HE EXITS WITH HIS you. 2ver say I never did you. WE. .. 35 DISSOLVE TO:

SCENE J INT. RONNIE’S OFFICE - NEXT DAY RONNIE IS TALKING WITH LEO, DINA AND OLIVE. JOSH IS ON HAND. RONNIE MUNCHES FROM A BOX OF DONUTS ON THE TABLE. RONNIE I to Bryce. He’s totally on board. LEO Good. ‘Cause I want him with you at every book signing, personal appéarance, huéging you like crazy -- RONNIE Maybe he can come with me when on "Oprah" next week. LEO I love that! DINA Maybe making too much of this. Maybe nobody reads Liz Smith. LEO The phones have not stopped ringing. DINA Okay.

LEO I’'ve been telling people it’s all a bunch of crap. But they believe me. They know I lie. OLIVE This is not good. RONNIE Please tell me it’s all going to go away. LEO It’s all going to go away. RONNIE Says the liar. OLIVE We should get started. DINA All right, you‘re going to be seeing four models today. The two best from the catalogue. And two runway girls we’ve worked with before. RONNIE Am I going to hate this? OLIVE No guestion. if you see a body that you _ike, just let us Know. 37

JOSH (WITH INNUENDO) Does that go for all of us? : RONNIE (TO JOSH) You don’t have to do that. DINA GOES TO THE DOOR. OLIVE , (TO LEO) Actually, you don’t need | to be here for this. | LEO , That’s okay. I’‘ve got nowhere to go. ) DINA Okay, ladies, c’mon in. Just line up over here. FOUR GORGEOUS MODELS ENTER. THEY ARE ALL DRESSED IN NEGLIGEES. THEY LINE UP FACING RONNIE. RONNIE (SOTTO) Oh, dear god, look at | them. OLIVE T know. RONNIE It’s so unfair. (TO ONE OF THE MODELS) Hi. Would you like a donut? Any of you girls? (MORE) 38

RONNIE (CONT'D) (EATING ONE, TEMPTING) You sure? They’re reeeally good. Tell you what. We’ll just leave the box right here. DINA Ronnie, this is Amber. THE FIRST WAIF-LIKE MODEL STEPS FORWARD AND POSES. RONNIE Hi, Amber. (ASIDE TO DINA) Oh, please. If you stuck my head on that body, she’d fall over. DINA Alrightee. Sienna, can you step forward, please? THE NEXT MODEL, A KATE MOSS TYPE, STEPS FORWARD AND GIVES THEM A SWEET SMILE. RONNIE (SOTTO) I don’t like her attitude. OLIVE What’s wrong with her attitude? RONNIE It’s too dann thin! DINA Now Ariel might be a good body for you. THE NEXT MODEL STEPS FORWARD. 39

o THE LAST MODEL o RONNIE (SOTTO) Nope. OLIVE Why not? 3he’s gorgeous. RONNIE I “~ .. TIt’s time somebody - : ner. DINA Wh. = .zaves us with... Tree. . ARD. RONNIE “mmn. .. her ankles are a litzle thick LEO That’s exactly where I went. DINA (WEARY) VYou’‘re not even going to be seeing her ankles in the shot. RONNIE Well, excuse me. Is it so wrong to a perfect body? OLIVE (GENTLY) Ronnie, honey, if you want, we can bring you five more giris. Ve can bring you fifty more girls. (MORE) 40

OLIVE (CONT'D) And you’‘re still not going to be happy with the idea of one of them being your bedy. But this is what we agreed to do. Right? RONNIE Right. OLIVE (LOSING IT) So pick one! 41 DISSOLVE TO:

SCENE K INT. RECEPTION ARFA - DAYS CLOSE ON THE FINISHED COMPOSITE PHOTO: RONNIE IN A NEGLIGEE WITH THE BODY OF A TWENTY YEAR OLD. PULL BACK TO REVEAL RONNIE, JOSH, AND DINA LOOKING AT IT. LEO COMES UP. DINA What do you think? RONNIE (TEARS IN HER EYES) I... look... beautiful! Look at my tiny little waist and my perky little breasts. JOSH Absolutely. the prettiest make believe person I’ve ever net. RONNIE (TENDER) This girl, the one my body... can we kill her? DINA Not till she signs the release. LEO You’re all set for tonight. I just need you to pick the restaurant. Both La Joie and Le Cirque have tables by the window. RONNIE Bryce hates La Joie. Let’s go there. 42

43 DINA What’s tonight? RONNIE Big, stupid romantic dinner with my big, stupid husband. , DINA Aw, that'’s nice. ' JUST THEN, TREE, THE MODEL, GETS OFF THE ELEVATOR. . TREE Hi! (COMING OVER) Ooo, what’s the picture? Is that us? RONNIE Actually, we decided to go with my body after all. But thanks for all your trouble. - ) TREE , (LOOKING AT PICTURE) Nope. That’s me. Ooo, you even used my neck. I can’‘t stand my neck. | RONNIE Please make her go away. Tree, why don’t come with me? AS DINA AND TREE MOVE OFF: RdNNIE JOSH)- I my new body. TO:

44 SCENE M INT. LIMOUSINE - THAT NIGHT RONNIE AND BRYCE ARE IN THE BACK, DRESSED FOR A FANCY PAT IS DRIVING. DINNER. PAT You know who’s hot? Martha Stewart. On her show today, she was showing us how to make potpourri out of things you find in your garden. And I just thought, I wonder if she ever does that naked. - RONNIE I’m making you go away now, Dad. SHE PUSHES A BUTTON. THE GLASS PARTITION GOES UP. PAT C’mon. Martha Stewart naked? a good thing! THE GLASS IS UP. RONNIE TURNS TO BRYCE. RONNIE .. BRYCE : You look beautiful tonight. - A RONNIE = > Yeah, whatever. (DOWN TO BUSINESS) Here’s the deal. We’re going to La Joie. (MORE)

RONNIE (CONT’D) Leo’s let it slip to the paparazzi -- they’ll be there when we arrive. We’r2 all hugs and kisses on the way .n. ‘e have the table by the ~t some point during the e e~ : 1’1l slip off my shoe and -. up and down your leg. - too excited. (HANDS HIM A BOX) You’re going to gift. 1It’s a diamond -- you have good taste. You’re goirg to put it on me yourself. I’11 lick your fingers. Try anything, and bite them. We’re going to close down the place. You’ll slip the maitre 4’ this money to leave us alone. (GIVING MONEY) It’s all for him. Then I‘1l1l draw the curtains. We’ll thirty-five minutes -- which is giving you way too much credit -- and Dad’ll take us home. Any questions? BRYCE sorry, I was still picturing Stewart naked. CUT TO: 45

46 SCENE P EXT. STREET - A BIT LATER PAT HOLDS THE DOOR OPEN. RONNIE AND BRYCE STEP QUT OF THE LIMOUSINE. PAT Is this gonna be long? I have a date. RONNIE IGNORES THIS. SHE AND BRYCE HEAD FOR THE - RESTAURANT. BRYCE HAS HIS ARM AROUND HER. SEVERAL REPORTERS AND PAPARAZZI DESCEND UPON THEM, FLASHBULBS POPPING. REPORTER Ms. Wells! Is it true your husband’s having an affair?! RONNIE LAUGHS, AND TURNS ON ?HE CHARM. RONNIE . - If he were, would I be having a romantic dinner with him? Give me some credit. ANOTHER REPORTER Then who was the blonde?! RONNIE How do you ever know there was a blonde? BRYCE (STOPPING) This is insane. Let’s just tell them the truth.

RONNIE (UNEASY) What -- what truth is that? BRYCE The blonde was... my wife in a wig. We were playing a little game. A naughty, dirty, sexy game. RONNIE (PLAYING ALONG) Bryce! (TO THE REPORTERS) 1Is there any way we can keep that out of the papers? REPORTER Was it just the wig, or was there also a costume? RONNIZ If you tell them, I’11l kill you. SHE STARTS INTQO THE RESTAURANT. BRYCE STOPS TO QUICKLY TELL THE REPORTERS: BRYCE French maid. Little apron. Nothing else. RONNIE FEIGNS SHOCK AND PULLS _HIM INTO THE RESTAURANT. 47 DISSOLVE TO:

SCENE R INT. RESTAURANT - LATER AS PLANNED, RONNIE AND BRYCE ARE SITTING AT A TABLE BY THE WINDOW. A WAITER BRINGS A PLATE OF OYSTERS. RONNIE Uh, we didn’t order oysters. BRYCE Actually, I did. This place reminded me of that time in Paris, with the oysters and... you know. RONNIE Yes, I remember what happened after the oysters. I don’t remember how to do it anymore, but I remember what happened. BRYCE SMILES AND PICKS UP AN OYSTER. BRYCE May I do the honors? RONNIE (TRULY EMBARRASSED) Oh, please... BRYCE Come on. (INDICATING REPORTERS) For them. RONNIE SIGHS, RELENTING. HE POURS THE OYSTER INTO HER MOUTH. FLASHBULBS POP FROM OUTSIDE. HE SMILES. RONNIE Thank you. That was very slithery. AS THEY EAT THE OYSTERS: 48

BRYCE I’ve got something for you. RONNIE (GENUINE) What? BRYCE Here. HE PRODUCES THE WRAPPED GIFT FROM THE CAR. RONNIE (REMEMBERING) Oh. Right. (ACTING) What is it? BRYCE (SINCERE) This is for too many years of putting up with a louse of a husband. You deserve better than me. But I want you to know, in spite off all the stupid, hurtful things I’ve never stopped loving you. RONNIE IS STUNNED BY THIS THIS. RONNIE (SOTTO) Was that for them? you know they can’t hear you. . BPYCE . That was for you. And so is this. < KANDS HER THE BOX. SHE UNWRAPS AND OPENS IT. SHE LOOKS DOWN AT THE NECKLACE AND IS GENUINELY MOVED. RONNIE It’s perfect. ' 49

50 BRYCE Here, let me put it on you. HE GETS UP AND PUTS THE NECKLACE AROUND HER NECK. THEN LOOKS AT HER. BRYCE (CONT'’D) You really do look beautiful. HE LEANS DOWN AND HER. CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT, SHE KISSES HIM BacC:. DISSOLVE TO:

51 SCENE T INT. RESTAURANT - LATER AS PLANNED, RONNIE AND BRYCE ARE NOW THE LAST TWO DINERS IN THE RESTAURANT. THERE'’S THE REMAINS OF DESSERT ON THE TABLE. A BUSBOY IS CLEANING UP. THE MAITRE D’ IS BY THE DOOR. RONNIE AND BRYCE ARE LAUGHING, GENUINELY HAVING A2 GOOD TIME TOGETHER. BRYCE You must tell me! RONNIE What do you mean I must?! BRYCE Come on, I'm whining! RONNIE Okay, fine! (CALMER) I always knew when you were cheating on me, - because you’d do your blinking thing. BRYCE What blinking thing? RONNIE You know. You do it when you bluff in poker. (DEMONSTRATING, BLINK BLINK BLINK) "I don’t have a full house." (BLINK BLINK BLINK) '"She was just here to clean the room." BRYCE That’s terrifying.

RONNIE SMILES. BRYCE SMILES. RONNIE Why, you thought you were so sneaky? BRYCE Yes! HE TAKES HER HAND. BRYCE (CONT’D) Let me ask you something. In spite of all of it... you still care for me, don‘t you? RONNIE Yeah, right. BRYCE I'm not saying "love". But on some level, I think you care. RONNIE Just pay the maitre d’ and get over yourself. HE SIGNALS THE MAITRE D’. MAITRE D’ Will that be all? BRYCE (SLIPPING HIM CASH) Actually, if we could be left alone for a little while. .. MAITRE D’ Certainly, sir. 52

53 THE MAITRE D’ SIGNALS THE BUSBOY. THEY EXIT. RONNIE AND BRYCE ARE NOW COMPLETELY ALONE. BRYCE POPS A SUGARED GRAPE IN HIS MOUTH. BRYCE So what now? RONNIE I suppose you could kiss me again. BRYCE I could do that. HE DOES. ONCE AGAIN THERE ARE FLASHBULBS FROM OUTSIDE THE WINDOW. BRYCE SMILES AND POPS ANOTHER GRAPE IN HIS MOUTH. RONNIE What? - BRYCE I stopped by your office today to drop off some papers. Saw your new - logo shots. Very sexy. RONNIE Hate to disappoint you. my body. BRYCE Noocoo. RONNIE You could tell? BRYCE I'm still your husband, you know. (THEN) And I met the girl.

RONNIE Which girl? The "body" girl? BRYCE She’s very sweet. She said you were mean to her. RONNIE I wasn’t mean. I just... SHE TRAILS OFF, NOTICING THAT HE’S BLINKING. BRYCE Yes? BLINK BLINK BLINK. RONNIE Oh, my god... BRYCE What? RONNIE Either you have a full house,of you slept with her. BRYCE I did not... (BLINK BLINK BLINK) 0 People blink! what eyes do! RONNIE The "body"?? You slept with the "body"?? BRYCE (WINCING) Well... maybe you could just think of it as a tribute to you. 54

RONNIE I don’t think so! BRYCE Ah ah ah... HE INDICATES THE PLASTERS ON A FAKEZ . ZR5 OUTSIDE THE WINDOW. RONNIE SHE GETS UP AND SEXILY DRAWS THE CURTAINS. SHZ T .ud.BACK TO BRYCE, FURIOUS. RONNIE a bitch. BRYCE Now calm down. Honey. reason to -- HE POPS ANOTHER GPR~FZ HIS MOUTH. AND CHOKES ON IT.’ TRY AS HE MIGHT, HE CAN NOT DISLODGE IT FROM HIS THROAT. RONNIE STARES AT HIM FOR A BEAT. THEN LOOKS OVER AT THE CHOKING PREVENTION POSTER. SHE READS IT. SLOWLY. SHE LOQKS BACK AT BRYCE, HER PHILANDERING HUSBAND OF FIFTEEN YEARS. AND LOOKS. AND THINKS. SHE TAKES A LAST SIP OF HER COFFEE. SHE SIGHS, GOES BEHIND HIM, AND GIVES HIM THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER. THE GRAPE FLIES OUT. BRYCE GASPS. THEN LOOKS UP AT HER. BRYCE (CONT’D) See, you do care. RONNIE TAKES A BEAT. THEN: RONNIE No. The only reason I did that was so that you could be alive to hear me say I'm }eaving you. BRYCE : - What? ROUNNIE leaving you. 55

SHE STARTS FOR BRYCE But -- but what about your company? RONNIE I’11 take my chances. I spend too much time helping other people find happiness. I deserve some of that, too. THE DOOCR. BRYCE Wait. This is crazy. We should talk about this. RONNIE Goodbye, Bryce. SHE EXITS. STUNNED, HE RUNS AFTEK HER. CUT TO: 56

57 SCENE W EXT. RESTAURANT - CONTINUOUS RONNIE STRIDES PAST THE REPORTERS AND PAPARAZZI TOWARD THE WAITING LIMOUSINE. BRYCE CHASES AFTER HER. BRYCE Honey, wait! I love you! I love you! SHE IGNORES HIM. BRYCE (CONT'’D) (TO THE REPORTERS) I love her! I do! This is just another 1little... sexy game we’re playing. Wait up, kitten! BUT RONNTE TS ALREADY GETTING INTO THE LIMOUSINE. IT DRIVES OFF, LEAVING HIM THERE. - BRYCE (CONT'’D) (MISERABLE) How sexy 1s that? CUT TO:

SCENE X INT. LIMOUSINE - SAME TIME 58 RONNIE SITS IN SILENCE, OVERWHELMED BY WHAT SHE’S DONE. AFTER A MOMENT: BEAT. PAT You know we’‘re missing someone. RONNIE Mmm hmm. PAT Huh. RONNIE Oh, nmy god... PAT You want me to turn arocund? RONNIE No. (THEN) Yes. (QUICKLY) No. (MORE SURE) No. (BEAT) Daddy? PAT Yeah, princess? why RONNIE are you taking the park? FADE OUT.